Topic: Update to the date- men, please?
Member # 32554
| Posted: 10:27 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014|
I also don't want you to feel like it's too late to do anything now. It isn't. The people you need to see know that very often trauma survivors - and that would be you - are in shock and don't react right away. The brain sometimes shuts down a bit as a protective measure. After a while things switch back on, and then the survivor will be better able to take definitive action.
So please, don't sit there and think OMG, I can't go to the police/hospital NOW, too much time has passed and they'll laugh at me. No they won't.
You might have internal bruising. A visit to the hospital would document it, further shoring up your assertion that this was against your will.
Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
Posts: 9817 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Member # 10552
| Posted: 11:36 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014|
Oh WM, I just saw this. I am so very sorry this happened to you.
Please get help. It isn't your fault.
Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan
Posts: 15412 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
Member # 19946
| Posted: 12:47 AM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014|
This was so wrong. Please find someone safe to be with. This is not the time to be alone even if that is a first instinct. Please call and leave a msg at your doctors office to see him or her ASAP.
When I was assaulted my mind kept trying to think of what I shlould have done. It's not your fault. You didn't deserve this treatment. This was a crime. Report it as soon as you can. Criminals count on women's shame to hide their crimes.
Please get someone to take care of you as soon as you can.
BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.
Posts: 5856 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
Member # 30989
| Posted: 12:59 AM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014|
Oh, WM--I'm so sorry. You were raped. Please go to the ER and the police. It may be a small town but there are privacy laws just as everywhere else. More importantly, you will find that you are NOT judged, but rather, supported. And you need this support.
I understand the embarrassment and fear and confusion. I really do. But in my experience, opening up about allows healing to begin.
Do you have a good IC? If nothing else, please consider calling an ER in your area to get contact info for your local rape victim advocates. They help. A lot.
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke
Posts: 8830 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Member # 33699
| Posted: 1:08 AM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014|
I just saw this WM. I am so sorry this happened to you. Please follow through with your EAP and with reporting this. You need to find peace by taking some of the control back.
"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie
Posts: 3432 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
Member # 31800
| Posted: 1:52 AM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014|
You asked for men's opinions so I am going to be rather blunt- NO MEANS NO. Period. End of story. No qualifications. No excuses. I'm sorry for being so forward with my opinion but, he raped you.
Pennsylavania Stautes Title 18, Part II, Article B, Chapter 31, Sub Chapter B,
(a) Offense defined.--A person commits a felony of the first degree when the person engages in sexual intercourse with a complainant:
(1) By forcible compulsion.
(2) By threat of forcible compulsion that would prevent resistance by a person of reasonable resolution.
(3) Who is unconscious or where the person knows that the complainant is unaware that the sexual intercourse is occurring.
(4) Where the person has substantially impaired the complainant's power to appraise or control his or her conduct by administering or employing, without the knowledge of the complainant, drugs, intoxicants or other means for the purpose of preventing resistance.
3123. Involuntary deviate sexual intercourse
(a) Offense defined.--A person commits a felony of the first degree when the person engages in deviate sexual intercourse with a complainant:
(1) by forcible compulsion;
(2) by threat of forcible compulsion that would prevent resistance by a person of reasonable resolution;
(3) who is unconscious or where the person knows that the complainant is unaware that the sexual intercourse is occurring;
(4) where the person has substantially impaired the complainant's power to appraise or control his or her conduct by administering or employing, without the knowledge of the complainant, drugs, intoxicants or other means for the purpose of preventing resistance;
3124.1. Sexual assault
Except as provided in section 3121 (relating to rape) or 3123 (relating to involuntary deviate sexual intercourse), a person commits a felony of the second degree when that person engages in sexual intercourse or deviate sexual intercourse with a complainant without the complainant's consent.
3125. Aggravated indecent assault
(a) Offenses defined.--Except as provided in sections 3121 (relating to rape), 3122.1 (relating to statutory sexual assault), 3123 (relating to involuntary deviate sexual intercourse) and 3124.1 (relating to sexual assault), a person who engages in penetration, however slight, of the genitals or anus of a complainant with a part of the person's body for any purpose other than good faith medical, hygienic or law enforcement procedures commits aggravated indecent assault if:
(1) the person does so without the complainant's consent;
(2) the person does so by forcible compulsion;
(3) the person does so by threat of forcible compulsion that would prevent resistance by a person of reasonable resolution;
(4) the complainant is unconscious or the person knows that the complainant is unaware that the penetration is occurring;
(5) the person has substantially impaired the complainant's power to appraise or control his or her conduct by administering or employing, without the knowledge of the complainant, drugs, intoxicants or other means for the purpose of preventing resistance;
(I am trying hard to leave my personal opinion about what should be done with this predator who raped you but it does involve a pair of pliers, a blowtorch and smelling salts.)
Please get to a hospital and get checked out. Please file a police report and start the process of removing this dangerous POS from society.
Above all, please take care of yourself and remember that we all care for you, support you and are here for you.
"Either get busy livin' or get busy dyin'." (and I prefer to live)
"Shame on me for kissing you with my eyes closed."
Posts: 1751 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: California
Member # 38865
| Posted: 2:00 AM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014|
This is not your fault. You did nothing to deserve any of his shitty actions. No means no, you were assaulted. Nothing he did was normal or acceptable.
I understand the feeling of shame that makes you want to keep silent and pretend it never happened. I was raped as a 12 year old and only recently told my mother. I found incredible freedom from the shame from talking about it and seeking support. YOU have nothing to be ashamed of.
It is also entirely up to you how you wish to proceed. You decide what is best and healthiest for you.
Me: Awesome - 35.... ummm, not anymore
"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou
Posts: 748 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
Member # 40937
| Posted: 2:21 AM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014|
(Williesmom). I'm so sorry. Violation it can consume you slowly. Back in 1993 I was 18. I had a bad break up and went out with some friends to try and drink my problems away. 18 not 21 and so stupid. I got really drunk and passed out. When I woke up one of my friends was inside me. I begged him to not do this but he wouldn't stop. He kept telling me he thought I was beautiful that he had wanted me for years. I just cried and asked him to stop I tried squirming away. I finally begged him to put on a condom to him this was consent. I didn't stop crying I threw up. Someone showed up he got off me I called one of my friends who picked me up carried me to the car and took me home. I didn't go to the police. He told me I asked for the condom, I wasn't a virgin, I was drinking under age it was my fault. I believed him. The only other person I had been with I dated for 2 years not a drunk hook up. I thought he was right my family wouldn't understand, I felt guilty and I did nothing. To this day my family doesn't know. He did the same thing a month later to a girl a year younger than me. She tried to kill herself and left a note detailing what happened. If I had the courage to go to the police she would have been spared. The regret of what happened to her I live with every single day. I didn't want everyone judging me. I didn't want my parents to know I had sex, and drank. I was selfish and someone else got hurt. In the end her family beat the shit out of the guy and she didn't go to the police because her family would have been prosecuted for the beating. He got off twice. After that everyone knew his game. He bought a house down the street from my mom so I see him sometimes. His son is the same age as my daughter. We are putting her at a different high school so they won't be together. I wish I would have done something reported him. Please consider calling the police. Make sure he knows what he did was wrong and that he doesn't get to do it again. You don't want the regret I live with. I understand just wanting to stay home and cry. It's what I did for a month. Regret is the hardest thing to live with. Hugs (Williesmom). You are not alone.
BS me 39
WH him 40
Dd 7/1/13. TT 7/22/13
SAHM with 4 wonderful kids
Posts: 190 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Kansas City
Member # 34722
| Posted: 6:51 AM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014|
Oh, WilliesMom, I'm so sorry you had to endure that. It's good that you can come here with it, but I believe you need more than SI can provide. Please consider the advice given here to stop this criminal. I'm worried about you; your health, your state of mind and your physical safety since he knows where you live.
Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?
Posts: 2381 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
Member # 27539
| Posted: 8:28 AM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014|
Not much to say other than I want to drive up to you and give you a giant hug and punch the living shit out of him.
You story scares the crap out of me. All of us women have either had something like this happen or have been in a situation that could have gone badly. You did NOTHING wrong. This is all on him. I've been with many guys (gosh that sounds horrible) that have listened to my boundaries, even young, even drinking. Good, decent guys know what no means. That guy was a shit.
Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 11
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Posts: 1264 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
Member # 12041
| Posted: 10:04 AM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014|
Williesmom I am so sorry.
This isn't your fault. You aren't bad or wrong. You didn't ask for it. You didn't invite it. You didn't cause it. It happened to you and that is a horrible thing. A horrible, unjust, unfair and inhumane thing done TO you. Please do not own one bit of the sick and WRONG actions of this abusive loser. Please be kind to yourself. We are all here for you.
“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin
Posts: 44941 | Registered: Sep 2006
Member # 8637
| Posted: 10:39 AM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014|
I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.
If this isn't what I consider soulmate crap, I don't know what is.
Posts: 13254 | Registered: Oct 2005 | From: GA
Member # 34477
| Posted: 10:47 AM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014|
I'm so sorry this happened to you williesmom. You did not deserve it, nothing you did caused him to rape you. No means no.
Please take care of yourself. Know you are loved and special to all of us on SI.
Me: BW (35)
Him: ExWH (31) EA/PA with MOW coworker
Married 9 years, 2 small kids
dday 3/12/2011 divorced fall 2012
My ipad does a lot of crazy typos.
Posts: 651 | Registered: Jan 2012
Member # 38303
| Posted: 10:48 AM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014|
This guy is a monster.
First and foremost, get yourself checked out... your well-being, both physically and emotionally, is the most important thing.
Please contact the police. This guy deserves to be nailed to the wall by his junk for this sickening behavior. He's a waste of genetic material, and you played absolutely no role in his abuse. None. I'm so very sorry.
I keep my mind on my future/and my eyes on the sky/I don't really smile much/If you were there you'd know why.
Posts: 2164 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: City in the Midwest/Best In The Whole Wide World
Member # 36336
| Posted: 10:56 AM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014|
This "guy" is a total POS!
Make sure you have someone close that can protect you in case he comes back. Tell the cops what happened and if he comes near your house call them.
Its called rape and he needs treated.......well lets just say an "eye for an eye".
I am so sorry. Prayers sent, WM.
Posts: 123 | Registered: Aug 2012
Member # 30341
| Posted: 11:01 AM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014|
I woke up this morning wondering how you were doing today. (((hugs))) and (((more hugs)))
DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Posts: 3207 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Member # 1224
| Posted: 11:15 AM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014|
Everybody gave you good advice.
This loser needs the crap beaten out of him. I am sure he has done it to others.
Do you have some male friends that aren't scared to beat the living shit out of him?
Do you know where he lives or goes out at night?
He needs a sack party. Get some big dudes to throw a sack over his head so he can't see and then they beat the living crap out of him and tell him if he ever rapes another person he will have more of the same.
Personally, I would probably hunt him down and poison his food but that's just me.
I know you should not repay evil with evil but dam, you would be doing society a favor.
[This message edited by shiloe at 11:18 AM, March 16th (Sunday)]
But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with yet another married ho-worker. Kicked h
Posts: 611 | Registered: Mar 2003
Member # 36336
| Posted: 11:32 AM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014|
WM, I'm ready when ever needed...like shiloe said. No sack for me though, I want to look the sob in the eye...the one he has left open and not swollen shut.
guys like this make me wanna
Posts: 123 | Registered: Aug 2012
Member # 15584
| Posted: 1:00 PM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014|
Everyone has given you great advice. I hope you've talked to someone in real life about this.
You didn't do anything wrong. What a POS!
Failure is success if we learn from it.
Posts: 4202 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
Member # 20563
| Posted: 1:25 PM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014|
Just thinking of you and praying for peace for you. I am so sorry this happened to you.
I wish your corgis had chewed his nuts off.
Him- FWS (I hope- F)
Posts: 6605 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Not Oz
|Topic Posts: 90|