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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Question for those who still love him.
one2ndchance
♀ Member
Member # 14759
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For those who are saying you still love him: What are the qualities about him that you still love? Not the qualities that you WISH he had or he USED to have...What are the qualities that make you still love him today?


Me: BW 59
Him: STBXWH 61
Married: 25 years
DDay1: 2/2002; DDay2: 6/2012
Gave him his second chance and he blew it.
Divorcing

Posts: 479 | Registered: May 2007 | From: California
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 1:23 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh I love this clarification in the way the question is asked.

I think I have a sort of lingering after effect type of love, absolutely for what was and for the part of him that I feel he betrayed when he betrayed me. If that makes sense. And I still wish that part of him well.

But also just I'm not detached enough and am still too foggy/hurt to be out of the love I used to have and to be able to leave it in the past where it belongs. Because there are NO qualities he has shown recently that I have active love for.

It's hard to explain--there's love that persists but I know it is not earned or related to who he is. I think it's just part of figuring out the disconnect between what I thought was true and what was true. It still hasn't been able to sink in. There is such a gap between what I saw and believed and the actual full picture that my ability to compute and reconcile the new info is lacking.

But I think your take on not loving him anymore is absolutely the right one.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4142 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love our shared history and experiences. I love how he used to treat me. (He was never a jerk, just a jack off.) I love his care and concern for the kids (he just doesn't have the follow through to actually put them first). Last be definitely not least, I love his cat. Wish I could have kept the cat. sigh


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1746 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
stuckinthetunnel
♀ Member
Member # 41754
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is an awesome question...I also loved our shared history. The comfort of not having to "explain" yourself, you just know. The "family" I thought I had...

Him?? I loved his work ethic, I loved how he balanced me out...I worry, he absolutely does not..about anything. I loved how he loved me way back when, thought I was the best thing since sliced bread, until someone else came along and they were the best thing since sliced bread. Not feeling so special anymore. And realizing that that is how he loves. Obsessive all or nothing love. Even over his kids. He loved my kids because he wanted me, and he knew that was the way to get me. Once he didn't love me anymore the kids were not important anymore.

Other then that.......I got nothen...


DDay 10/30/11
Divorced 3/25/13
Married 19 yrs.
S30,S23 mine
S17 ours

Posts: 53 | Registered: Dec 2013
Tripletrouble
♀ Member
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We were best best friends. We worked in the same field and could talk shop effortlessly. We had so much in common - same age, from the same place, went to the same college, worked for a while for the same company, moved across the country together. We had the same sense of humor. We loved reading the same kinds of books (mostly). We were both into fitness and athletics. I am type A and his type B personality balanced me out. I still love him and miss him as my friend.


40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller


Posts: 634 | Registered: May 2013
Virginiagirl
♀ Member
Member # 41656
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

for the part of him that I feel he betrayed when he betrayed me

Wow, THAT makes so much sense. I know that is also what kills him about this. I know him well enough to know that his is so, so ashamed of himself. He always hated cheaters.

And when I see that side of him that he totally turned his back on last year- when I see it's still in there- I feel love for him again. :(
But it's a sad love now.


Me- BS-43
Him-WS-42
Married 15 years, living together 20
DDay May 2013
TT ongoing
2 kids, 10 & 15
OW- old girlfriend from High School, and now umpteen stupid groupie local ho-bags

We are done.


Posts: 169 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: utah
Topic Posts: 6

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