Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying



Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library


Contact Us
In Association with
Infidelity -
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
Newest Member: Nexttome (45693)

Off Topic Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Aging...40 years and up. (vent)
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm 43 and told I look like mid-30's. There are definite changes with wrinkles and my skin just isn't as good as it used to be.

I have always used sun protection, every single day! I buy skin lotions with retinol in it, and it has helped.

I started going grey years ago, so I now dye my hair very light blond and It looks great.

The one thing I hate the most? My ass has flattened out. Doesn't seem to matter how many squats I do…flat. Boobs are a little lower, but still full thanks to estrogen.

I spend the time to keep an up to date hair cut and light/flattering make up and I dress cute/age appropriate and on trend (think J Crew). I eat healthy and get regular exercise.

I think keeping skin moisturized is key to looking younger!

me...BS, 44 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17

Posts: 4215 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
♀ Member
Member # 6687
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Early 40's here. A year ago I started pulling my cell phone away from my face to read a text in the classic "old people squint" as I used to call it, and now I have a very hard time in the shower distinguishing shampoo from conditioner because the light's not good enough - I worry about "the light" now, and it calls to mind my mother always asking "why's it so dark in here?!!" when she was trying to read something. So the vision thing was my first little tweetie bird of suck, but it's barreled on from there.

I do all the noninvasive stuff I can to keep healthy and slow down the avalanche and the rest is up to luck and genetics.

I took up running and that has kept my mind clear and gives me a chance to reflect on positive things each morning. It also gives me exercise and firmness in my butt and thighs, and access to a really active community of people. It's empowering to see women my age and twice my age running in 5K's and half marathons! It makes me proud and excited to see how active and kick ass older women can be. So definitely surround yourself with women your age and older that are doing kick ass things!

I also spend a lot more money on self care than I had to in my 30's. I wear good, light SPF lotion every single day. I get facials twice as often as I used to. I invest more money in clothes so they fit perfectly and are cool and funky but not age inappropriate. I take supplements and I get an extra hour or two of sleep a night. I drink more water and sadly pay far more attention to facial hair removal schedules so no surprises in the rear view mirror on my way in to work.

But I don't consider interventions or serious surgeries - no judgment for others, just not for me, at least not in my foreseeable future.

Another thing I do that I think is really key for my mind, heart and soul - I still dream about amazing things for my future and I try to make them happen. I'm still reaching for exciting things, I'm still throwing my hat into the ring for adventures. I'm still open to something that changes and excites me. I really think that is the thing I would be most sad to lose and would really signal to me that I was done with life. I don't want that, I want to keep building really big, exciting dreams and working for them the way I did in my 20's! I think that spirit alone has kept my boobs about 1/4" higher than they would otherwise have been!

Posts: 3197 | Registered: Mar 2005
♀ Member
Member # 36869
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

63 (almost 64) here. Basically I've looked the same for the last 30 years - same weight, same hair color (a few light grey hairs, but barely noticeable), same complexion. People tell me I look like I'm in my 40's. I know I'm not; I have NO cartilage in both knees, so no running, and bending down to garden is literally a pain.
And I finally had to get bifocals, plus I wear reading glasses in the house - can't see who's calling on the cell phone without them, lol!

I worked in the cosmetics business, so I don't use many, but I'm big on sunscreen since I've had several skin cancers so far and will probably have more due to childhood exposure. Also big on moisturizing, especially on my neck.

Since I retired early at 56 and live in the semi-boonies, I'm mostly a jeans gal, unless I'm going to an indoor auction. Plus, I work outdoors in both gardens a lot, so jeans are a necessity anyway.

Be careful what you wish for the most - you may get it.

Posts: 407 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: VA
♀ Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 9:13 AM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm in my early 40s. Many people have told me they think I am in my mid 30s. I actually had a client ask me how long I'd been practicing because I looked like a newbie.

Some days I feel like I still look good. Other days, like everyone else, I feel shitty about myself.

For the outside, I try to eat sensibly most times. I keep my face out of the sun, don't smoke, don't drink too much, and practice good skin care. On the inside, I try to take care of my soul by reading a lot, breathing deep, praying for peace and strength, and laughing. The days when I have a good belly laugh to the point where it hurts is always a good day.

Regardless of my age, I'm learning that I like me a whole lot more than I did when I was younger and my body was much more toned up. Back then, I wasn't a real deep thinker. I was never superficial, but, looking back, I was pretty surface. The experiences that I've had thus far have made me a much better person. I'm more supportive, empathetic, and use my brain and thoughts more now than like when I used to just trip the trigger on my mouth.

I have not dated, but have met a few complete strangers in social settings. The thing that I noticed was that these men seemed to find me pretty interesting without me having to be "on" like when I was younger. I'm still funny and witty and friendly, but there's more now. There's just more life that puts me in a place where I don't need to impress anyone. I know who I am, what I stand for, and what I find important. I suppose I've matured in a good way. While I would love to look 25 again, I don't think I would trade the living I've done and the fact that I'm much closer to the me I was always meant to be.

I want to embrace my age and hope to continue to grow. I agree that we can age but never get old.

BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2878 | Registered: Jan 2011
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I always use a moisturizer, and I stay out of the sun as much as I can. If I'm outside, I always use spf70.

You know you're getting old when you keep a pair of tweezers at work because you never know when you'll look in the mirror and see one of those long black chin hairs.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7810 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The way it happens in your 40s is all these changes seem to come in a cluster, you start getting gray, you have to get cheaters, your skin starts sagging, your minor creases turn into real wrinkles. Lets just face it, it's a normal part of life.

The good news is after these sudden changes things plateau again for most of us, and we really don't seem to age much between 50-70. My parents are proof of this, I can remember when I was in high school thinking how old my mom looked, of course she had been a life long smoker. She stopped, and she is an exercise nut, but I can say that at 71, she looks about the same as she did at 52.

Unless you are looking for an 18 year old new partner, I wouldn't worry about it. I wear my gray, and my wrinkles with pride. I have been through a lot to gain them. I also think I aged significantly in the first year after Dday. So it does slow and get better. But at 43 I did just my first pair of cheaters a week ago.

Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
♀ Member
Member # 31522
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not 40 yet but I see major differences in my body and skin at 36.

I think that all you can do is be the best you can be.

That means eating clean and getting some exersize.
Getting your sleep and keeping major stress out of your life.

( The stress of infidelity aged my face bigtime)

I think the right hairstyle and color can make a huge difference in your looks.
A little makeup can help too. But don't pack it on. Less is more.

Clothes that fit and flatter you also make a big difference.

The only thing that makes me feel better about aging is that we will ALL go through it.
No one is invicible.

[This message edited by Audrina at 10:44 AM, March 16th (Sunday)]

Me (betrayed): 35

Posts: 266 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Canada
♀ Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 12:04 PM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I never thought age would bother me. Until, well, until things-which-shall-not-be-mentioned-in-this-forum happened. At that time, I also stopped my almost daily gym habit. It's one of my biggest regrets. I don't have a lot of facial wrinkles, but my legs look like those of the saggy baggy elephant. And I'm thin.
I'll be 60 in May. Not looking forward to it. On the other hand, I lost a dear friend to cancer last Christmas, she was a high school friend and just my age. Another same-age friend is fighting another form of cancer.
It helps to keep things in perspective.
And as my father used to say about getting older, it's better than the alternative.

Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 3758 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
♀ Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've dealt with finding out and dealing with FWS's 23 years worth of infidelity, and then watching him die in front of me.

I've EARNED my grey hair and the few wrinkles I have. And I'm proud of them.

I plan on living the rest of my life to it's fullest and have made a new Bucket List based on MY desires and have already knocked a couple off the list.

Yeah...there's aches and pains and scars, but that's life and it shows I LIVED and just didn't float along in life.

Meryl Streep rocked grey hair in "The Devil Wears Prada" and I intend to also.

It takes guts to grow old and I'm going to enjoy the hell out of it.

Now to just find the right person to keep up with me........


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6602 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

this bothers me as well, although I'm holding up well. I'm in the best shape of my life and I'm thinking of getting some injectables but then again, as long I age uniformly I think I'm ok with it....

What is our quest to look young? I'm not sure. I always say that every woman is born with a set of "tools." When you're 20 you use about 3 of them at a time. At 40 you're using nearly all of them, and you occasionally buy yourself some new ones!

The sucky part - I was pregnant, nursing, or trying to lose baby weight in my entire 20's. They just passed me by... so if I wanna hang on a little longer to what I have I guess I will.

Being fit is more important to me than looking young. I want experiences. Experiences I didn't get when I was young for so many reasons, and being fit allows me to do this. And I really want to do things with my grandkids, when they arrive...

his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”

Posts: 5470 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
♀ Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just turned 45 last month. Some days I "feel my age", but mostly not. I work out regularly and eat mostly healthy. I'm also active with dance and I personally think doing fun, active things are key to looking and feeling young. I also struggle with arm wings and have found the best thing for that is yoga. I do weight training too, but when I do regular yoga also it makes a huge difference.

I don't do a huge skin regimen but I exfoliate (a big help!) and moisturize daily. Days when I'm on my game I cleanse and apply serum before bed. Other days, I collapse without even cleansing. It's important to me, but not enough to beat myself up over it. I wear light makeup but I did recently switch to one that provides SPF and a little more coverage than what I was using before.

My best compliment lately was when my Zumba instructor commented that we both had birthdays in the same week. She turned 40 and was convinced that she was older than me.

One thing I hate is sagging skin, though this is mostly my fault because I was heavy before. Now, a 70lb weight loss plus aging means saggy boobs and a lovely turkey neck. Sooo annoying, because my face looks young and I have hardly any wrinkles, but underneath my young face is this old lady neck. Can anyone recommend a cream or something for that??

I never look at XWH's facebook, but my BFF does. He recently posted a new photo and she showed it to me. It's a selfie (the only kind he posts), and again he looks awful. Bags under the eyes, eyes themselves flat and lifeless. Oily glare reflecting off his expanding forehead as he goes more and more bald. Fake smile, no teeth showing. Ugh. He looks MUCH older than me, and I have to confess taking a wicked little pleasure in that. Extra bonus is that he's friendless so no one ever "likes" anything he posts.

My mom once asked me, "How old would you think you are, if you didn't know how old you are?" So based on that, I'm about 33.

Getting old sucks. But it's better than the alternative.

[This message edited by gypsybird87 at 5:52 PM, March 16th (Sunday)]

Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin

Posts: 1000 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
♀ Member
Member # 23437
Default  Posted: 7:37 AM, March 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

now I have a very hard time in the shower distinguishing shampoo from conditioner because the light's not good enough

Circe - and others who have this problem - I'm now even older than I was when I chose my SI name, so you shall benefit from the knowledge that real old age has finally brought me......

I had the same problem as you! Many times have I cursed hair product manufacturers for not printing the words "shampoo" and "conditioner" in very LARGE letters on the bottle. Then, fairly recently, after years of messing up and having to rinse and start again, it finally dawned on me that they do, in fact, try to help us out in our arms-too-short plight!

Even if you buy matching products, there is almost always some difference between the shampoo & conditioner bottles. Sometimes, the cap color is different. Very often, the writing on the conditioner is the other way up. Even though I can no longer read what the writing says, of course, I can often tell by the shape which way up the body of writing is. And in any case, there's usually some sort of logo in another color, or a distinctive flash in there somewhere, too. So if you memorize where that is, you can use it to tell which way up the writing is and hence which is which.

I still can't believe how many years of irritable groping and getting it wrong I endured, before I actually looked properly at the bottles when unwet - and suddenly noticed the differences.

ETA Until I read this thread, I'd never heard of "cheaters" in this context. I gather they're reading glasses. Great name! But if that isn't what they are, please would some kind person enlighten me? :-)

[This message edited by Cally60 at 7:47 AM, March 17th (Monday)]

Posts: 2162 | Registered: Mar 2009
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 7:55 AM, March 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep - this happened to me at 40 too. Not sure how much was actually age versus the stress of the divorce....or both. It has been a few years (44 now) and I am ok with it all.

I now have bifocals. I now arrange my shampoo/conditioner in order in the shower so I don't mix them up. I now have a noticable stress wrinkle right in the middle of my forehead. I now must color my hair for grays routinely. I now have bras especially designed for dates (help those girls up a notch).

Tushnurse - I take great comfort in your theory about this all clusters together and the changes from 50-70 are more subtle.

Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.

Posts: 2240 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
♀ Member
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 8:57 AM, March 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'll be 55 soon. But I look damn good for my age even though I do have a bit of those "wing things" on my arms and I'm not perfect. I wear a size three and weigh around 120. I weighed 170 when I was 19.

One thing is for sure. I don't smoke and drink very little. I'm don't bake outside in the sun and have never been to a tanning bed. I don't take any drugs at all other than an occasional pain killer or cold relief medication.

My husband of 19 years can't keep his hands off me and is constantly telling me I have the best shaped @$$ in the world. He used to keep saying I had a perfect "radius." But I'm a math teacher and had to explain to him a few times that an perfect radius is not a good description for a perfect @$$. So now he uses the word "contour." LOL.

He thinks my boobs are perfect too. Not sure where he gets that idea but they do look okay under clothes with a good bra. LOL.

With all that said, I do hate the aging process. I hate seeing people my age or younger starting to get sick and die. I hate seeing how so many are breaking down and I fear it happening to me. My younger sister just went through chemo and radiation for breast cancer recently.

Posts: 5773 | Registered: Apr 2006
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, March 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But I'm a math teacher and had to explain to him a few times that an perfect radius is not a good description for a perfect @$$


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”

Posts: 5470 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
♂ Member
Member # 3031
Default  Posted: 10:02 AM, March 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

40s????? Wish I could remember them!

Yes, the things you can't do anything about suck. If your attitude sucks along with them then you'll crash and burn.

My attitude is that I simply refuse and resist aging wherever possible. I'm only a few months younger than SadinAZ but I can pass for 40s (even though I can't remember them)

All the lotions and creams and hair color etc. in the world cannot make up for the impact of your own attitude. I have longevity in the family (my grandmother lived to be many years older than 100) and I can tell you that what kept her alive was her outlook on life and joie de vivre.

"In a time of deceit, telling the Truth is a revolutionary act."

Posts: 21412 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Hell and back, way back :o)
♀ Member
Member # 15300
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, March 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Getting older IS a big bag of suck, but considering the alternative, I'll take it. Yes, I have arthritis in both hands and behind the big toe of my right foot. Yes, I have completely buggered my lower back in car accidents--and my neck is nothing to write home about either. Yes, I'm definitely noticing wrinkles. What I meant was, I try not to let it bother me or slow me down. There's still so much to see and do, why waste time worrying about the signs of aging, ladies? In the end, there's really nothing we can do about them anyway--and worry will just create more lines!

My younger sister has turned into a slug. When we speak on the phone, she always says, "My, I don't know where you get your energy." I don't "get" it; I make it. And some days, it's bloody hard!

Age: 64..ummmmmmm,, hell born in 1947. You figure it out!

"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks

Posts: 7384 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Toronto, Canada
♀ Member
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 4:56 PM, March 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Look in the mirror - enjoy the view - that is as young as you are ever going to look (naturally) again. One of my biggest regrets is not enjoying each age as it came. I was so busy and never had a good self image - now when I look at those pictures I think "Wow - I really had it goin on!"

I'm 53 and having the time of my life. My hair is grey, I have cellulite and wrinkles, gravity has taken a toll, but I think I look pretty damn good for my age! The harder stuff is the aches and pains and the limits of my physical endurance - but I'm as young as I'm ever going to be again, so I'm just rolling with it and having a ball.

Do you really want to look in the mirror when you're 80 and think "you look good," or do you want to sit back and remember all the fun you have had and all the living you have done?


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7779 | Registered: Aug 2005
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 5:14 PM, March 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sigh, started balding at 16. Arthritis at 38(Spine, knees, hands and shoulders.) However, at 50 I did a flip on the trampoline with my son(8). I'm gonna do 2 at 60.

considering the alternative, I'll take it.

Every day I don't wake up with a dirt blanket is a blessing.

BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 3152 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 5:25 PM, March 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree that the speed of the changes is what makes it hard. I would say that until I was 42/43ish, I easily looked 10 years younger. Today, I look everyone of my 45 years. I know it is partly the 20 pounds I've put on. On top of the previous 15. I'm working on that now, but still, my new glasses will be bifocals and my body hangs on to weight like I'm gonna starve to death at any moment.

Him WH
2 ddays in '07
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6632 | Registered: Jan 2011
Topic Posts: 56
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3

Return to Forum: Off Topic Post Reply to this Topic
Go to :
© 2002 - 2014 All Rights Reserved.