Welcome. It does knock you off kilter. I would rather be a BS than a WS any time, because at least I've been true to myself and my marriage and beliefs.
Focus on yourself and your immediate physical needs ((food, sleep). Just be kind to yourself.
You're not pathetic. The affairs are a game changer in everyone's life. It takes a while to navigate and process what has happened to you.
I have to admit that reading so much about infidelity on the internet, is just depressing me more. Its like its hopeless to expect anything else.
I know the feeling
There are just Sooo many of us on here it is depressing .
But to move on we need the support of people who know what we are going through.
Like I need to change who I am and how I think and how I relate with others.
Just getting here has already changed us.
The thing is, you can deal with it and thrive - it just takes a lot of work.
WSes have to deal with their fucked up heads, too. If you decide to cheat, you'll compound your problem.
I usually like to use different sources for research. I don't like to believe something unless I have 2 independent sources each saying the same thing.
The trouble with infidelity is that it's so highly emotional, and there's so much anger out there, and it's so easy to publish on the world wide web, that the crap outweighs the good stuff by 50 or 100 or 1000 or more to 1.
SI is by far the best peer counseling I've found, so you might consider just sticking with Si until you get your footing.
Maybe I should change my mindset and get what I need on the side.....sorry but if you cant beat them, should you join them? I think being a BS is the shittiest spot to be in out of them all.
You raise an interesting thought for me. Can a BS change their "mindset" to a WS mindset? We expect our WS's to change their mindset, so it would be possible to change one's mindset to the WS mindset. My thought then goes to this BS that can change their mindset to WS thinking, weren't they always really a WS waiting for the opportunity or the final straw to push them over the edge?
Do you really feel you could change your mindset, JustCali? I really don't feel I could. I just wouldn't want to is the basic sticking point for me.
I trust so few people and allow so few people to really know who I am and what I am about.
I don't feel fidelity is futile. Many people can be and are faithful.
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson
The thing is as a BS we don't ask for any of it but we can heal learn and become stronger and smarter for it.
So true tushnurse