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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: suggestions for how to deal and coparent
lost2012
♀ Member
Member # 35325
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi! I'm just looking for suggestions. I am over the jerk. I wish he would go away but I need to coparent. He continues to threaten me...He called me demanding that I sell my son's loft bed and buy new ones. He threatened to take me back to court. Apparently,the kids aren't sleeping well at him and OW house, and it's because the kids dont like their beds at my house??? I'm a nurse who works 12 hour shifts. Last night he started texting me asking why I need to work today. He accused me of lying about my schedule. of working overtime. I work today. I don't have complete control over my schedule. It's not overtime. What if it was? It never ends. There's something every week. Our divorce was final over a year ago. He married the OW 5 months later. In our originial agreement, he had bought a house near the kid's middle school and denied the affair. Then when the D was final, he called me to tell me he was starting to date her. Then, they moved in together and I still have this 50/50 agreement. So we split expenses. I wonder, what if i got a gurdian ad litem to look at things? Infidelity does not count in illinois. But doesn't this show he is deceiptful. He threatens to take complete custody. But my kids and hers don't get along. Or do I just wait for his next threat to take me back to court and just let him? I've called his bluff before and he's backed down. I just want this to stop.
I feel like an idiot, because he is very controlling and emotionally abusive. I should have left some time ago. So he takes up with this women who chases every man that moves- I know this cuz men in my neighborhood have stories. I am grateful for his affair. i am rid of him. But the threatening texts and phone calls have to stop. And my poor kids...


Dday- March 1, 2012
M 17 years
EA? 4 years
2 boys ages 10 and 12
Divorced- 12/17/2012

Posts: 117 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Illinois
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are divorced?

He can demand you eat dog shit for dinner, but are you going to do that??

Ignore his "demands" because they are just wasted air. He cannot demand you do any damn thing.


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3612 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's emotionally abusing you -unless he has a court order compelling you to do something-bottom line -you don't have to do anything he says.

Hugs,
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5264 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Can Not Believe
♀ Member
Member # 30508
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lost2012

You have to ask yourself "Why do I let him have so much control?

Seriously - WHY?

Call his bluff!

You are DIVORCED!!

As long as you are a good mother and look out for the best interests of your kids - he cannot get full custody.

You have to be more assertive.

What happens when he starts trying to turn your kids against you?

You said in your very first post in this thread:

I've called his bluff before and he's backed down

Continue to take that stand.

You must STOP being so afraid of him. Stand up for yourself and those children.

You will continue to be bullied as long as YOU allow it.

Can Not Believe


I cannot believe this is a part of my life.

Me: BW - 62 FWH - 62 years old
Married: 41+ years 2 sons (34 & 30)
Possible OC: 32 years old/29 at the time
DD: Friday - August 13, 2010
OC refused paternity test
No Contact since June/2011


Posts: 52 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: New Jersey
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NC. No more phone calls. No more texts. Email only. I'm starting to turn into a commercial, but I really like the 'co-parenting websites' that are out there. 2houses.com is a good one. All info regarding kids schedules, expenses, and medical can be shared on there between the co-parents. No direct communication is necessary. Then you'll also have a record of all his threats and hot air. Let the judge laugh him out of court.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1860 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Topic Posts: 5

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