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User Topic: OW a model?! What a joke!
LivingLearning
♀ Member
Member # 42637
Default  Posted: 3:55 PM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UH! My WS just told me that he had searched OW on the internet this week. Even though it isn't an affair, it is betrayal. I have spent the morning in tears. He told me he wanted to see his reaction when he looked her up. What?!? Can you believe that. What was he expecting? He said he sees nothing but disgust when he looks at her. Then why would he look her up?
I am very glad that he told me about it rather than keeping it inside. It is always better to come out with the truth than for me to find out later or to have things building up within him, afraid to tell me. But, I am just so torn. We have made so much progress. He spends free time reading books on depression, taking the right steps, making sure he is making me feel safe, keeping his gps on at all times, full disclosure, etc. But this is so bad! He wouldn't have looked her up if he wasn't thinking about her!
Well , I looked up the website that was the first thing to pop up, and guess what?!?! She is putting a couple pictures out there for modeling or acting ! She is not even that attractive! What is worse, is the descriptors she uses to describe herself are the same as me (weight, height, eye color, bust, etc). Believe me, I am not model material (short, small chested, you get the point). I don't want to feel like we have anything in common.
Now her pictures are on the internet! UH! This makes me crazy!

Have any of your WSs looked up the OP on the internet? Would you still consider yourself on the path to reconciliation?


Living and learning how to move forward
Me: BGf
Him: WBf
Dday: 02/2013

Posts: 116 | Registered: Mar 2014
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he is thinking about the AP and looking her up online it isn't NC.

NC means no contact, no in-person contact and no-ruminating about the affair/stalking online contact.

I find it hard to believe he needed to see a picture of her to know how he feels about her.

I think your dday being so recent it isn't abnormal, but until she is gone from his life in every sense of the word R is nearly impossible.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3850 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dup

[This message edited by karmahappens at 4:02 PM, March 16th (Sunday)]


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3850 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
RidingHealingRd
♀ Member
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have any of your WSs looked up the OP on the internet?

If he did and found a picture then he is a far better investigator than I am.

Would you still consider yourself on the path to reconciliation?

No.

If I thought, or learned, that my WH had a need to seek MOW out in any way shape or form then I would do as I told him...send him packing. I would probably drive him to her house and drop him off.

But that's me...A woman of my word and he completely understands that.


ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 4 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.


Posts: 2124 | Registered: Nov 2011
LivingLearning
♀ Member
Member # 42637
Default  Posted: 4:26 PM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, I told him this is a break of NC and is setting us back to square 1. I just don't know what to do from here. He is going to find a different counselor and talk this out with them. (His current one pretty much talks the whole time and tries to rationalize everything you say in her own words) But after we discussed it, I don't know what else to say or do about it. I just want to see inside his head. Oddly, I feel better that he told me, like it feels good to make sure he is being honest about it. "until she is gone from his life in every sense of the word R is nearly impossible" - I agree Karmahappens (I don't know how to put other quotes in this.. I can't figure it out)


Living and learning how to move forward
Me: BGf
Him: WBf
Dday: 02/2013

Posts: 116 | Registered: Mar 2014
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree Karmahappens (I don't know how to put other quotes in this.. I can't figure it out)

Copy and paste

Highlight the text you want to quote and select "quote" on the left side of the box :)


Like I said, he is early out so broken NC happens, doeesn't mean you are doomed....means his head hasn't been completely removed from his ass.

Doing something wrong and then telling you he did it does NOT make the action less wrong.

Start to heal you, have you got your own IC? You don't have to have all the answers today...but you do have to start taking baby steps to reclaiming your life. He can either step up and follow or get left behind.

Take care of and be true to you.

(((hugs)))

[This message edited by karmahappens at 4:35 PM, March 16th (Sunday)]


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3850 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
SadInNC
♀ Member
Member # 42170
Default  Posted: 5:16 PM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi. Well, I would be happy that he told me instead of hiding it. That (for me and my WH) would be a good sign of true R.

With that being said, I would be very pissed off that he looked her up online. That is a sign that he is still curious about her and thinking about her. I couldn't handle that and it would take me back to DDay all over again.

To answer your question, my WH has not looked up the desperate HO on the internet. If he did, there would be hell to pay!


BS/Me WH/Him

"Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth." -Unknown Wise Person


Posts: 345 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: North Carolina, United States
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Red  Posted: 9:18 PM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please don't post OP vent threads, or OP namecall in the Reconciliation forum. This thread is being moved to General.

Thank you.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 38226 | Registered: Sep 2007
Lonelygirl10
♀ Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah... the OW in my situation is a model too. She has modeling pictures online of her in a bathing suit and underwear, and she actually is very pretty. My xwBF googled her modeling pictures, and told me that it was because he felt guilty about what he did or something. I don't believe it. I think he just wanted to look at her. I consider it breaking NC because it means that the OW is in his mind, regardless of the reason why. I'm not with him anymore, so no, R did not work for us.


30 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1226 | Registered: Jul 2013
FeelingSoMuch
♂ Member
Member # 38814
Default  Posted: 10:53 PM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH might be on the road to fully rejecting OW, but he's not there yet. You'll know he's over her when he has no interest in anything related to her, specially looking at photos.

As far as the modelling thing -- you're either a model, in which case your agent handles your bookings, or you're a wannabe. She sounds like a wannabe looking for attention. Sad and pathetic.

Don't take this the wrong way, a lot of guys find petite women attractive. Cheating has nothing to do with looks. In my case WW cheated way down.

Stay strong and yes, you should be pissed off. Your WH? WTF? He needs to give her up already and focus on his family.


Me: BH
Her: WW
Together since 2001, married since 2007.
D-day: Feb. 20, 2013.
Broke NC: 2 phone calls since
Today: In MC and IC, attempting R.
It got easier: They no longer work together.

Posts: 509 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, March 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sister, you need to throw out some big time consequences for this shit. If he looked her up, then I bet he was going to try to get in touch with her some way the you wouldn't/couldn't find out about.

You need to be very wary, this is definitely wayward thinking on his part. I would recommend a keylogger on his computer, and phone, a VAR in his car, and a GPS unit on it. Don't tell him, just do it, and sit back and wait. But be ready to carry through with consequences.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8744 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Topic Posts: 11

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