I tell her to give me his name, and I'll do some investigating. I am REALLY good at it, and I've often considered becoming a PI
So, I find that in 2011 he was charged with burglary, assault, and strangulation. Here is what the report said:
XXXX CITY POLICE
(OKC guy), 39, of (city) was charged with second-degree burglary, second-degree strangulation, two counts of third-degree assault and fourth-degree criminal mischief Tuesday at 3:30 a.m. Officers were called to (address) for a reported fight. When they arrived they found two injured men who said they were assaulted by (OKC guy) after he allegedly kicked down a door to an apartment. One of the men also said (OKC guy) allegedly strangled him until he lost consciousness. Officers found (OKC guy) a short time later and took him into custody. He was taken to the city jail.
And then, as if that wasn't enough, he was charged with domestic violence assault in 2004, but those charges were dismissed.
I don't give a shit if the DV assault was dismissed or not, that's a big enough red flag on it's own, let alone breaking in to someone's apartment and strangling them to unconsciousness??
She still went out with him anyway. I was like "you're going out with him???" She replies "It's just bowling." Really.
What does it take? How many red flags does one woman need?
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.
DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids (4 Dogs, 2 Cats)
WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs
Note: I edit often for clarity/typos.
"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings
Will you do all investigating of every OLDate any of us go on?
sparkysable, you are hired as my dating PI if I actually find a straight guy that I'm interested in and that is interested in me!
Please PM me and tell me what websites or services you use to find this info out!
Me too please!! Or, if you wouldn't mind getting a PM with a name once I start dating someone new
What does it take? How many red flags does one woman need?
It too ignored the red flags about his previous relationships. Infidelity in all of them.
But I was special, don'tcha know.
You can lead a horse to water....
Like you - I internet research the heck outta any OLD. Most ppl are legit but there are lots of crazies out there. I instantly blocked the guy who showed up on the $exual predator list and the guy who did a hit and run on an Amish horse and buggy
Ohhhh...then there was the guy presenting himself as divorced who was really dual-registered on a site looking for a threesome with him and his wife.
Love the internet!!!!
Be safe out there!!!!
D-Day was April 2012. Divorced Jul 2013. Moved ~1000 miles away (as the crow flies) Jul 2014.
Ladies! For crying out loud, do some research, for your own safety!
Past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior. People are capable of change, but for the most part, people are who they are. Don't make excuses.
My response: "You know that someone breaking down a door and choking someone to unconsciousness is a pretty bad sign, correct? And that abusive behaivor doesn't come out until much later, right?"
Her response: "Yes, which is why I'll proceed with caution."
Proceed with caution? Did she not read the police report that I found? Of course he's going to be on good behavior in the beginning, to get his victim hooked!
It's so frustrating, to see your friend making a giant mistake, and going through with it anyway. And there's nothing you can do but watch the mess from the sidelines.
[This message edited by sparkysable at 12:54 PM, March 21st (Friday)]
I know of several members on this site who were arrested for domestic violence by vengeful exes or stbx. I also know of friends who were arrested for assault, and the incidents turned out to be self-defense. I myself was recently charged with an offense that was an isolated incident, but I'll be branded with it for the rest of my life.
I will grant you that two charges for the same person are a lot to overcome, and since this is a stranger, your friend, since she has chosen to proceed, should proceed with extreme caution, but shouldn't anyone dating someone they don't know from Adam?
[This message edited by Sad in AZ at 11:26 AM, March 19th (Wednesday)]
However, these were arrests not convictions. There is a big difference.
Being arrested once could be a "wrong place, wrong time" thing, but two or more times? I don't think so...
Dating (if you're looking for a mate) is supposed to be a tool to weed out the bad eggs. This egg already smells rotten.
[This message edited by GabyBaby at 11:41 AM, March 19th (Wednesday)]
While it isn't worth worrying about for the sake of a date on OLD, there's more to that than meets the eye.
I have kids, I don't want this drama in my life. I don't care if it was trumped up charges, someone in his life (if it isn't him) is batshit crazy and I don't want that near my life let alone my kids.
There are a shitload of people out there without one violent charge filed against them let alone two. Is dating that bad where you live?
Are two of them.
What it is, is a self defense mechanism.
It tries to add control where there is none.
It assigns blame to other people when something bad happens to them, and cause / removes blame when something bad happens to us.
SHE slipped because she's careless.
***I*** slipped because there was black ice.
It doesn't matter how often people HEAR that abusive jerks can actually (are are usually) charming people. Because they're manipulative.
We meet them.
We like them.
So CLEARLY this is a nice guy.
It won't happen to me.
It was her own fault / a good reason why he did XYZ.
Really... You just can't stop people from thinking that they are special, and different, and the bad thing won't happen to them.
Moi : BS MH 30mumble
Him : WS Abuse Adultery Addict Six-figure Sociopath = Aaass
... I picked a winner!
DDay - 2006 ad naseam
One of either one of these, I could see *maybe* (though I'm one to see a red flag and throw in the towel) it was a misunderstanding or a heat of the moment occurrence, a trumped up charge, etc.
But 2 different occurrences of an apparently violent behavior? Not a chance.
This friend of mine has a 5 year old daughter that she should be concerned about also.
If *I* ever bring someone around my daughter, they sure as hell better not have giant screaming violent red flags.