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Newest Member: gloumama (44930)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I've come a long way
newlysingle
♀ Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 10:21 PM, March 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DD pulled up a video of us feeding DS his first baby food today on my phone. It was from February of last year. This was between me getting the ILYBNILWY and I want a D speech and DDay. I got the D speech in late January and Dday was in early March.

In the video, we are feeding DS who was so stinkin' cute and smiling it up for the camera. You'd think all was well, but it brought me back to that fog stage. I remember feeling numb back then, knowing my M was over, but not even understanding why. I was just going through the motions while feeling like I was not even attached to my own body. Like I was just watching this all happen from a distance.

I'm just so grateful that I had the thought to video it. I could now look back at it for the sweet moment that it was and not the robotic moment it was at the time. It made me realize how far I've come. I still hurt and feel pain, but my good days now outnumber the bad. As hard as it is to feel sometimes, I'm glad that I'm not the numb robot any longer.

Here's to moving onward and upward!


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 894 | Registered: Mar 2013
Nomorestrength
♀ New Member
Member # 42257
Default  Posted: 10:58 PM, March 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congratulations! I hope to be there one day because you are clearly better off.

Posts: 44 | Registered: Jan 2014
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 10:59 PM, March 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So glad that you could enjoy that sweet baby moment for what it was.

Someday I hope I can look back at family stuff and not trigger all over the place.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 5:35 AM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As hard as it is to feel sometimes, I'm glad that I'm not the numb robot any longer.

Amen, sister. Amen.

One of my favourite photos of me and my bug girl sits on my bookshelf. She is a few months shy of her first birthday and we're both laying on our tummies beaming at the camera. Same pose. Same smile. A sparkle moment captured.

What you can't see in the photo is the begging/pleading I had to do for the sad clown to take it. He's such a moody bijiartch these days and I can't understand why. We have a baby that sleeps 7pm-7am, she's lovely, life is good. But it wasn't. I was so sad and numb. My husband had died and nobody knew it.

I also didn't know why.

Now I do.

I too am glad for these moments captured. Most photos are of him and the girls - me trying to gaslight myself that he is an invested and interested father. He isn't, at.all. But the pics tell a different story. I'm glad I have these rare moments captured. When I forced hi to document my life with them.

One of the things I miss about having another - nobody to take pics of me and the girls. Lots of them, lots of selfies. But no spontaneous moments captured by someone else invested in them. The ones I do have were done by strangers, or the man I used to call husband.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5557 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
twillett333
♀ Member
Member # 42121
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you dont mind me asking...it looks like your divorce went quickly. Ive been reading up on divorce and it seems to go pretty slow and having to wait a year from separation date. How did yours go so quickly. Im afraid im gonna have to wait a whole year if we do divorce :(


BS (me) 29
WH (him) 29
D-day January 14 ,2014
D-day #2 March 15, 2014
Married 9 years
Together for 11
Two children ages 7&2
Reconciling

*Finding my strength*


Posts: 74 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Louisiana
twillett333
♀ Member
Member # 42121
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you dont mind me asking...it looks like your divorce went quickly. Ive been reading up on divorce and it seems to go pretty slow and having to wait a year from separation date. How did yours go so quickly. Im afraid im gonna have to wait a whole year if we do divorce :(


BS (me) 29
WH (him) 29
D-day January 14 ,2014
D-day #2 March 15, 2014
Married 9 years
Together for 11
Two children ages 7&2
Reconciling

*Finding my strength*


Posts: 74 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Louisiana
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I totally know what you mean about just going through the motions of life numbly. Glad you're feeling alert and present once again


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4158 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
newlysingle
♀ Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Twillet- it really just depends on the state and how amicable the divorce is. I'm in AZ and we only have a 60 day separation period before we can divorce. I know some states do have a full year waiting period which really sucks! Also, my stupid XH was in such a hurry to go and be with his whore (he was afraid she'd dump him) that he gave me anything I asked for to make it go quickly.

Ironically, he was the one that actually held up the D. We would have been divorced in about three months, but he dragged his feet attending the mandatory parenting class. So it ended up taking about 6 months.

SBB- In my case, the ex was the picture taker. So he has all the great photos of me with my kids. I've asked for months for a disc with photos and nothing. He says he'll do it but of course never does. I especially want photos of me being pregnant with DS. I have none as he checked out during the pregnant and took no interest. I forced him to take some photos at the end of the pregnancy and I still don't have them. It's so upsetting.


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 894 | Registered: Mar 2013
twillett333
♀ Member
Member # 42121
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok. Thank you! I guess it looks like it will be a year :( I know it can be six months if i can prove infidelity....i wonder if instagram pics will work??

Im sorry about your photos. Hopefully you will get them soon!!


BS (me) 29
WH (him) 29
D-day January 14 ,2014
D-day #2 March 15, 2014
Married 9 years
Together for 11
Two children ages 7&2
Reconciling

*Finding my strength*


Posts: 74 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Louisiana
newlysingle
♀ Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm in a no fault state, so the infidelity was irrelevant. If you can find fault do to his infidelity, I would definitely do it!


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 894 | Registered: Mar 2013
sleepless34
♀ Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Newly Single,
Congrats, you are moving forward. It is so nice to be able to look back and see the progress!


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 12:04 AM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You sure have come a long way!!!!
I think it is finally starting to feel like normal, kind of!


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2232 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Topic Posts: 12

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