Im not sure I understand, but if your WH was having an affair, then you would be perfectly within your rights to move to Canada..or any damn place you wanted.
It sounds like you need to distance yourself from your son and DIL. At least for now.
You said you are believing in your husband. Why? What is he doing to earn your trust back?
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
Push for real resolution. It's the only way to get to a stable and healthy emotional place.
I think you should be 180ing all three of them, and kicking your husband out.
Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson
Your WH seems like he is the common denominator in all of this toxicity.
If he would simply refuse to answer questions about your relationship to ANYONE outside of it, there would not be this who said what when business. It's bad enough that he brought an AP into the M, he certainly needs to stop talking with your son about it.
Your WH should want to see harmony between you and your son. Yet he supports conflict, by not believing you, when you KNOW he has no reason. Liars don't believe anyone. They think others lie just as they do, about matters both great and small.
Your WH is at the center of these conflicts, putting you against your own son, and it is a way for him to keep from dealing with his own transgressions.
Tell your son he isn't welcome in your home until he learns some respect. In fact that may be your problem. You need to DEMAND respect from your husband and son. Stop going on the defensive and start attacking back!
I love my son dearly but cannot understand why over this he would lie unless she is behind it.
My inlaws think I am a manipulative mastermind that turned their son against them.
I can tell you that from where I sit, his behavior is his own. He didn't learn how to tell the truth in time to try to save his relationship with his dad or sister, and communication between them was a nightmare. It was easier for them to believe that there were outside forces at work rather than clean up all the bad feelings between them.
Your son is responsible for what he says to you and nobody else. If he is making empty promises or lying you either need to talk it out with him or get some space. Even if your daughter in law doesn't care for you and appears to have issues, your son is a grown man and his words are coming from his mouth and his brain.
That being said, I get how painful it is to think that you are supposed to be able to rely on your family and they aren't there when you need them. At the end of the day we can't count on anyone to help us out but ourselves. That doesn't mean that people in our lives are always going to let us down... you just need to find strength within yourself to last you through the times when others are focusing on themselves and can't help you out.
I'm worried that your happiness is tied to closely with your relationships. Can you find a space that is your own that brings you peace and has nothing to do with anyone else? That's the only way to not get pulled into hurt or drama.
Your WH is at the center of these conflicts, putting you against your own son
Walk a Mile In My Shoes
Married 14 yrs. Now Separated & in NC
2 grown DD's - his from previous M
4 grown kids (2DS, 2DD) mine from previous M
You are all so right..hope i gain strength to do this
I found out long ago that people of the truth are a threat to people of the lie. People of the lie will set out to discredit the truthful person so they can continue their life of webs. You, seeking the truth, could bring their house down and they will turn their lies around on you. I fear your son has been influenced by his father to live a life of lying. Your DIL may only be reflecting back to him his own lies to keep her head above water. It is a terrible legacy.
My in-laws blamed me for all of my H's issues when in reality, it was his FOO issues that kept him from being the person he could have been. I have been the lightning rod because a family full of secrets and lies were threatened by the risk that I could expose their hypocrisy. My SIL played their games and I would not. Guess who got branded the bitch and got my children excluded from the great fam?
I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.
WRT what your son says, is the issue what he said, or that you disagree on whether he said it or not.
Suppose, for example, that he said it but you didn't hear it. Then what?
I read panic in pretty much all the threads you start. Have you sat down and put all the info you have into a coherent package that you can understand? Or do you feel too much pressure to do that?
Have you tried IC? Or a lawyer? Are you close enough to a population center to find a good IC or lawyer?