My SO has a medical condition that has led to a couple of hospitalizations in the last 5 years and although unlikely, could result in his death.
He is in the process of redoing the custody agreement with his XWW. We will be getting married in 2015. He is working on his will. DD14 does not ever want to go back to her mother's house. She is adamant about it and is a runaway risk according to her counselor. The older she gets the more plausible that would become.
After a recent episode that resulted in a trip to the ER, we had a very candid discussion with DD14. She says she would want to stay with me not her mom. Needless to say, that's awkward.
Is there any legal way to do this? Is it unheard of? I'm fine with it but I can't imagine that the XWW would be OK with it. Anyone know anything about this?
“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.
Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.
We are unclear of all the details of the situation with the step dad. We have both been phone witnesses to verbal abuse by both the step dad and the XWW. There was a rapid downhill spiral of DD14 after XWW remarried. It may be not directly related to the step dad. She is prone to creating drama to get her way. It may be that she just wanted to live with my SO. In reality, at her age to some extent the real cause doesn't matter. She isn't going to stay with her mom.
Regardless of the cause it is quite apparent that she is unwilling to go back and would refuse if forced by any means possible to a teen. When she left her moms she brought only a few days worth of clothes and has refused to go back to get anything else if it means seeing her step dad. She has met with her mom a few times but nothing more.
The short answer is that step-parents have no rights. Even if I explicitly requested it in my will, a judge would never grant it should their father still want custody.
My ONLY consolation with this is that his wife (the AP) is in the same boat should ex die, and will lose if she comes after me (and I imagine she would).
I did, however, make my husband the executor on my life insurance policies, their 529s, etc, so at least he holds the purse strings if I die. I figure that at least guarantees him contact?
Hopefully it's all moot!
I would look into the emancipated minor route NOW so you know the feasibility. Another option they explored was her maternal grandmother.
Fortunately for the SD, she had had years away from the unhealthy situation of living with her dad and had learned skills that helped her cope. Also, the OWifey was apparently his new target for bile. So as soon as she graduated she went away to college and spends most of her breaks with her grandma and my dad.
It's good you're planning ahead, you never know what would happen. I suggest that you plan for what happens if you both die or if you die and he's incapacitated in some way. Any thing that could happen, have a plan.
Meanwhile, make sure she has the skills to recognize and deal with unhealthy relationships. It will serve her well no matter what happens.
I don't know what the legal situation is, but I have a friend in a very odd situation. She married her husband, who already had a daughter, and for awhile, the daughter went back and forth between her mum and dad's, but eventually lived primarily with her dad and step-mum (my friend). My friend had a daughter and son of her own. In the past year, they have separated, and her step-daughter (along with her own children) all live with her. The step-daughter has seen her mum maybe once in the past year, and she sees her dad as often as she wants, or when her younger half-siblings see him. It doesn't sound like they see him much, either. I don't know what it will end up looking like if my friend officially divorces her husband, but it sounds like step-daughter is most comfortable with her step-mum and wants to live with her and her younger siblings. My friend is Canadian, living in the States, and this situation with her step-daughter is the main reason she is staying down there. She doesn't want to abandon her.