Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: ThomasD (45459)

General Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Your opinion if you saw this
OutoftheDeep
♀ Member
Member # 42601
Default  Posted: 2:24 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What would you think if you saw this evidence as fact between two people.

"her" is single, late 20's, had a boyfriend throughout the first part of these exchanges, but she broke up with him during because he apparently acted inappropriately around "whores" at a bar .

"he" is married, early 30s. They worked together at the time. These are things on her fb over a span of about 4 months.

Her: "He is my work husband. He takes care of me" with a picture of two coveted tickets to a concert that he had got for her and apparently might have had to jump thru some hoops to get them.

Her: "oh golly gosh, he stole my phone again!" he frequently had her phone and made funny
statuses enabling her to giggle about him teasing her. some of the statuses he put on her phone as her were things like she is kissing things, 'I'm pregnant!', "I love my work husband so much" hahaha other friends would also join in about how funny they were joking with each other.

Her: "I can't clean this gross stuff out of my car. I'll just bring it back to ____ (he) to take care of it".

These types of things about at least a dozen times from what I'm seeing so far.

The banter then suddenly stopped. I'll leave out other theories and thoughts and rumors for now cause I'm focusing on facts for this moment.
These are things I'm seeing during my investigations.

[This message edited by OutoftheDeep at 2:25 PM, March 18th (Tuesday)]


Me - maybe BW 40s
He - maybe WH 40s
My mother was always the OW
ExWH in first M had lta.
Current marriage:
2/'13 out all night with an ow
2/'13 busted at strip club
4/'14-? bad boundaries w/howorker

Posts: 377 | Registered: Feb 2014
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My opinion: they were engaged in (at minimum) an EA and possibly a PA (concert tix?!).

The fact that the posts stopped suddenly means either his wife put her foot up his ass or they took it underground so "no one will suspect"


Me - 42
SorryInSac (WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Stick a fork in me...

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6597 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The term Work Spouse is disgusting and makes me want to punch the people that use it in the throat.
That in and of itself is basically them saying we are in an EA, and PA will be following shortly. It is wrong, and anyone that joins in with it doesn't get the pain and devastation that infidelity causes.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8744 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
ShiningAutumn8
Member
Member # 42558
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree - likely an EA. Definitely some boundary crossing. Very immature, insensitive and screams of need for attention and validation (as do most any FB postings, but especially unappropriate shit like this). It is completely unappropriate for engaged and married persons to be carrying on referencing "work husbands" like this in such a broadcast manner.

The sudden stop makes me most suspicious. I would suspect the relationship turned physical, or emotionally deeper (ie true feelings were declared, at which point they ceased the banter OR was already at that level and a partner discovered it.

I really HATE the phrase "work husband". It drives me mad.


Posts: 486 | Registered: Feb 2014
OutoftheDeep
♀ Member
Member # 42601
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The fact that the posts stopped suddenly means either his wife put her foot up his ass or they took it underground so "no one will suspect"

Yep Gaby, this is what it seems.

The concert tix really set off bells with me also. I assumed he got them for her as a gift and wasn't there. But I don't know.

I'm in a strange and uncomfortable position here friends. I've been investigating my husband because I did not like this woman and suspected something, but in the process I am finding evidence this guy - and yes I know who he is - is screwing around with her.

I don't know what to think, or what to do. I have found out who his wife is but I do not know her. I've posted about this before but really wanted to know how these exact statements on her fb look to you. Sometimes it's just easier to look at one thing at a time.


Me - maybe BW 40s
He - maybe WH 40s
My mother was always the OW
ExWH in first M had lta.
Current marriage:
2/'13 out all night with an ow
2/'13 busted at strip club
4/'14-? bad boundaries w/howorker

Posts: 377 | Registered: Feb 2014
ShiningAutumn8
Member
Member # 42558
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I cosign tushnurse re: work spouse. Its extremely disrespectful to the ACTUAL spouse. Its not cute. Its not funny. I agree its like saying "Hi, we're having an emotional affair, soon to be physical."

I found an old text on my fiancÚ's phone from a girl he worked with calling her his School Husband. Um.....no.


Posts: 486 | Registered: Feb 2014
OutoftheDeep
♀ Member
Member # 42601
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes everyone, the sudden stop was around the time I myself starting hearing rumors from my WH(?) about her and this guy. I heard a couple of things from other workers as well, one of which was that they took a lot of cigarette breaks together, on the work site but still. But I got so paranoid I thought WH was only trying to divert the heat off of himself by acting like those two were screwing around. Everything was confusing me at the time. WH said they started carpooling together and that this bitch was talking around my husband openly about having sex with ____.

This other guy is on fb but it appears he was not friends with anyone from work, including this woman. All fb stuff happened on her phone and fb. It took me some major effort to even find this guy's fb. WH had said that _____ did not friend people from work because of "drama".

[This message edited by OutoftheDeep at 2:46 PM, March 18th (Tuesday)]


Me - maybe BW 40s
He - maybe WH 40s
My mother was always the OW
ExWH in first M had lta.
Current marriage:
2/'13 out all night with an ow
2/'13 busted at strip club
4/'14-? bad boundaries w/howorker

Posts: 377 | Registered: Feb 2014
ShiningAutumn8
Member
Member # 42558
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OutofTheDeep,

Well I will say, I can also see how a certain type of girl...ie an insecure, attention grapping sort who gets her kicks out of manipulating men...could tend to flirt with men...but not cross the line into actual affair.

Meaning, she gets her kicks/esteem from getting married men (esp those for whom she'd be considered "out of their league") to develop crushes on her. So she befriends, flirts, crosses boundaries....but keeps them just at arms distance. (Ie the comment about getting him to clean the crap out of her car, like he's just WRAPPED around her adorable little finger)

If that fits the scenario, then I'd guess his wife saw it and drilled him a new one, and he probably blocked her or something at his wife's insistence.

I don't think in and of itself its evidence of cheating. But definitely is evidence of a attention grubbing girl I'd be very weary of my SO being friends with.


Posts: 486 | Registered: Feb 2014
ShiningAutumn8
Member
Member # 42558
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wait, so I'm confused. If the two people weren't FB friends, then how was she tagging him in her posts? Or was she just referencing his name? If not, how do you know the "work husband" she refers to is the married, early 30s guy?

Could it be they were FB at one time, but aren't anymore?


Posts: 486 | Registered: Feb 2014
OutoftheDeep
♀ Member
Member # 42601
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd guess his wife saw it and drilled him a new one, and he probably blocked her or something at his wife's insistence.

This guy was not on fb with that woman or anyone from work. His wife would have little way of knowing what was going on, or even her name. I never saw the wife at the job site, I was up there at least a couple times a week.

I have been looking at his wife's fb now also, putting togeteher statuses and times between all three- this guy, his wife, and this woman. Wife would post statuses indicating problems between the two of them, but they sounded confused, not specific. Like she was having gut feelings or thougth there were marriage problems with him "pushing her away". (I'm theorizing here, have no way of knowing what anyone was thinking)

Work husband/wife, I agree so completely inappropriate.

And yes, all the blather about how much he takes care of her is such attention whoring.

So this woman got knocked up right after my husband left the job (which worried me being as how I was sick of hearing about her), and then her and this other guy also left the company. She posts many things about her pregnancy but never any indication who the father is (TRASHY!!) and she is now in a new relationship with a guy who she was "friends" with (I don't know him and he was not married or anything).


Me - maybe BW 40s
He - maybe WH 40s
My mother was always the OW
ExWH in first M had lta.
Current marriage:
2/'13 out all night with an ow
2/'13 busted at strip club
4/'14-? bad boundaries w/howorker

Posts: 377 | Registered: Feb 2014
OutoftheDeep
♀ Member
Member # 42601
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wait, so I'm confused. If the two people weren't FB friends, then how was she tagging him in her posts? Or was she just referencing his name? If not, how do you know the "work husband" she refers to is the married, early 30s guy?
Could it be they were FB at one time, but aren't anymore?

Sorry I know this is confusing.
No, this guy was on fb, but kept it very private and made it a point to NOT friend coworkers including this woman (my husband also told me this, and it seems true).

This guy would use that woman's phone it seemed, and he would get it and post on HER fb, from HER phone, funny things like it was her posting them. Friends would get in on it, and his name would be mentioned "____ got my phone again!" Other people would say "did ____ get your phone again!"

And, SHE would post pics of the tickets and things about him being her work husband and cleaning her car and how he takes care of her.

Seems like a new sinister way for cheaters huh. He was careful not to friend her or use HIS phone, but he would just take her phone and play with her and tease her from her own phone.


Me - maybe BW 40s
He - maybe WH 40s
My mother was always the OW
ExWH in first M had lta.
Current marriage:
2/'13 out all night with an ow
2/'13 busted at strip club
4/'14-? bad boundaries w/howorker

Posts: 377 | Registered: Feb 2014
ShiningAutumn8
Member
Member # 42558
Default  Posted: 3:10 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think its clear what kind of person this lady is.

I would be worried too about any chance the father of her baby was my husband. Was your husband ever actually having any affair with her?

As for the co-worker, I personally wouldn't contact the wife, as all you really have evidence of is annoying, inappropriate flirting. It might be a little strange to be like, Oh I see this lady referenced your husband a lot and now she's pregnant...

Is there any chance her new BF could be the father?

Just be glad this nasty girl is not working with you husband. What a trainwreck.


Posts: 486 | Registered: Feb 2014
OutoftheDeep
♀ Member
Member # 42601
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think its clear what kind of person this lady is.
I would be worried too about any chance the father of her baby was my husband. Was your husband ever actually having any affair with her?

I don't know. That's why I'm upset and digging. He mentioned her a lot and it got my radar up and irritated me. I also witnessed the attention whoring she seemed to do with the men at work. I know he called her once behind my back which I caught him and completely went off. I have nothing else to show any affair. They worked together and it was not in our town and I didn't see him most nights during the week. He stayed with a relative (there is no way this bitch would have been allowed at relative's house, if anything happened it would have been at her house or somewhere).

As for the co-worker, I personally wouldn't contact the wife, as all you really have evidence of is annoying, inappropriate flirting. It might be a little strange to be like, Oh I see this lady referenced your husband a lot and now she's pregnant...

My thought was that now that I've found her, maybe I should just friend her? See if she starts talking about anything? I also think the "work husband" and "he takes care of me" and the gift of tickets are a little more than referencing, but I do see your point. The dumb banter woudlnt' be enough, but those things might.


Is there any chance her new BF could be the father?

There's probably a slim chance. he and her appeared to be mostly just friends the whole time her flirting between the married guy was going on, and both the guys seemed to be aware of each other but not buddies. When you see her stuff now about her this new bf, she also posts lots of things about how he dotes on her and dumb little quotes about how real men take care of kids that aren't theirs, she likes to flatter him with that. he's such a great man for doting on her other kids.

Just be glad this nasty girl is not working with you husband. What a trainwreck.

Amen to that.


Me - maybe BW 40s
He - maybe WH 40s
My mother was always the OW
ExWH in first M had lta.
Current marriage:
2/'13 out all night with an ow
2/'13 busted at strip club
4/'14-? bad boundaries w/howorker

Posts: 377 | Registered: Feb 2014
ShiningAutumn8
Member
Member # 42558
Default  Posted: 3:55 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

well.... I think at some point, you have to accept that IF god forbid your husband is the baby daddy, she will come a'calling. Until that day, I guess you'll never know. I think for the purposes of sanity, you should try to ASSUME he's not, otherwise you'll drive yourself crazy for ever, wondering if she's gonna show up at your door so to speak.

I don't see any harm in friending the co-workers spouse. Who knows, maybe she'll strike up a conversation, and you can say Oh I think our husbands worked together at such and such. If that happens, I'd just follow her lead in terms of if she brings anything up at the nasty ho-worker.

Gotta love FB. A whole other dimension for low self esteem girls to put on massive displays for attention and validation.


Posts: 486 | Registered: Feb 2014
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can not stand woman (girls) like this. It is not fucking cute or funny. And he should be ashamed of himself. People today of this nature make me SICK!.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2807 | Registered: Aug 2011
OutoftheDeep
♀ Member
Member # 42601
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IF god forbid your husband is the baby daddy, she will come a'calling. Until that day, I guess you'll never know. I think for the purposes of sanity, you should try to ASSUME he's not, otherwise you'll drive yourself crazy

This is what I must do I think, for now. Watch and try to remain calm or I will go crazy.

Side note: if I see have to see any more of her Chicken Soup postings about "how a loyal man acts", or "not wanting drama" I'm going to walk outside, scream, and then walk back inside. It's bad enough she is herself, but a hypocrite on top of it...god lord can't these losers just keep their mouths shut????


Me - maybe BW 40s
He - maybe WH 40s
My mother was always the OW
ExWH in first M had lta.
Current marriage:
2/'13 out all night with an ow
2/'13 busted at strip club
4/'14-? bad boundaries w/howorker

Posts: 377 | Registered: Feb 2014
ShiningAutumn8
Member
Member # 42558
Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Side note: if I see have to see any more of her Chicken Soup postings about "how a loyal man acts", or "not wanting drama" I'm going to walk outside, scream, and then walk back inside. It's bad enough she is herself, but a hypocrite on top of it...god lord can't these losers just keep their mouths shut????

Honestly, I would just stop looking at her page. Deactivate, or block or whatever. Its doing you no good to get all worked up and annoyed at her posts.

I know you feel you need to keep watching for more clues or evidence, but I think its probably doing more harm than good. I'd just try to forget about this irritating, poor excuse for a woman and move on with your own life. You're giving her too much space in your head - and that's what she WANTS the world to do.

If your husband has anything to do with that child, she'll come calling eventually.

Good luck!


Posts: 486 | Registered: Feb 2014
OutoftheDeep
♀ Member
Member # 42601
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're giving her too much space in your head - and that's what she WANTS the world to do.

I know I know.
I did make a little progress where I only check once a day lately. I hate this feeling of wanting to check. I really do.


Me - maybe BW 40s
He - maybe WH 40s
My mother was always the OW
ExWH in first M had lta.
Current marriage:
2/'13 out all night with an ow
2/'13 busted at strip club
4/'14-? bad boundaries w/howorker

Posts: 377 | Registered: Feb 2014
Whalers11
♀ Member
Member # 27544
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For the record, I have given a married male friend concert tickets to a sold out show for a band he loved. No ulterior motive other than it was a hot concert and I had access to a pair of free tickets and it was not something I had any interest in.

There was no inappropriate relationship going on. I actually assumed he'd take his wife, but he told me later he went with his best friend.


Me: BGF - 33
Together 11+ years - not married, no children.
D-Day: 2/9/2010
OC Born: 10/9/2010
Status: He chose OW/OC and left immediately.

Posts: 2264 | Registered: Feb 2010
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Flirting, EA, and now with no more public displays, its gone on to pa...that's my take.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5174 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Topic Posts: 26
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum: General Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.