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User Topic: Your opinion if you saw this
Sadmumma
♀ Member
Member # 42192
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok. If the people aren't directly involving you then honestly I'd stay out of it.

It sounds like you just "happened" to find something on someone else while you were digging for dirt on your husband (am I reading that right?)

If these people are just names that you know and faces you have met I would say let it go it is not your business.

If they are friends and you feel the Need to go to the wife and tell her then gather your evidence and give her what you can.

But honestly, if a stranger (or random acquaintance) came to me telling me of H having an affair with HO worker I'd have to question their motives......

Is their behavior wrong... Absolutely. Does he have relatives and friends of his marriage that are his Facebook friends and friends to his wife. Most likely. Would they be better to tell her... Probably,


On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014

Posts: 536 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Land down under
Sadmumma
♀ Member
Member # 42192
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok. If the people aren't directly involving you then honestly I'd stay out of it.

It sounds like you just "happened" to find something on someone else while you were digging for dirt on your husband (am I reading that right?)

If these people are just names that you know and faces you have met I would say let it go it is not your business.

If they are friends and you feel the Need to go to the wife and tell her then gather your evidence and give her what you can.

But honestly, if a stranger (or random acquaintance) came to me telling me of H having an affair with HO worker I'd have to question their motives......

Is their behavior wrong... Absolutely. Does he have relatives and friends of his marriage that are his Facebook friends and friends to his wife. Most likely. Would they be better to tell her... Probably,


On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014

Posts: 536 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Land down under
OutoftheDeep
♀ Member
Member # 42601
Default  Posted: 10:11 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It sounds like you just "happened" to find something on someone else while you were digging for dirt on your husband (am I reading that right?)

yes and no. I had heard rumors her husband was carrying on with this same coworker, so it was not a surprise to see the evidence on her fb. But, something about actually seeing it in black and white - the work husband, the tickets, the he takes care of me- really effected me and made it more real. And then, finding who that wife was made it even more real.

I feel like there's a chance this OC will be either her husband's or mine. There's a real possibility it's someone elses too, but...anyway, this narrowing down between which of us is gonna get hit with a brick, her or I? That's how it feels.

I feel like her situation effects me due to this. I feel sick admitting it, but I hope it's her husbands and not mine. I hate saying that here I am hoping to find some clue that it's her husband's kid, since he is the most likely culprit. Even much more likely than my husband. Of course ideally it will be neither of our husband's. But the probability is especially high it's hers.

I hope I'm explainging it, it's hard for me to put this in words.

I've made the decision to do nothing, BUT as soon as this kid is born if I don't get some fairly solid clues as to who's it is ( I know she will be blowing up fb as usual about it) then I'm going to friend the OBW. Not start hitting her with a bunch of information and questions, just friend her and take one baby step at a time. See if she is an ally, or not interested, or suspicious also. I will let her set the pace and make each first move on what I discuss with her.


Me - maybe BW 40s
He - maybe WH 40s
My mother was always the OW
ExWH in first M had lta.
Current marriage:
2/'13 out all night with an ow
2/'13 busted at strip club
4/'14-? bad boundaries w/howorker

Posts: 377 | Registered: Feb 2014
OutoftheDeep
♀ Member
Member # 42601
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am having a horrible day.

I tried to make a point to keep myself numb on all this. I have a certain deadline I feel will either break me or free me. The birth of that OC. I am exhausted from everything: keeping it in, being quiet, watching, waiting.

Some days I am able to tell myself it's a long shot it's his, what proof do I really have of anything, calm down ,etc etc.

Other days like today, it lays over me like an anvil, the fact this is even a possibility. I have been for some reason in a state of near quiet panic today. The date of this damn bitch having this kid will be very soon, and the thought that very soon I could find out something completely devastating is debilitating.

I am so mad he even did the bare minimum to cause this in me, the bare minimum being he talked about the stupid dog and let her bop around him and called the bitch and aroused my suspiciouns big time. Even that bare minimum with nothing else enrages me, because it put me in the mindset. The other side, the maximum, that he may have actually carried on with her and knocked her up, it's too much even as A THOUGHT, much less a reality.

I'm so upset imagining that if god forbid he was/is involved with this...thing...my plan is to leave him completely and absolutely. I am sickened and heartbroken at just THE THOUGHT of that, much less the reality. We have been getting along great lately. It almost makes this worse. If I do find something out, I will be ridding myself of someone who I absolutely love being with. When I say rid, I mean absolutaely, like I am dead, I will never see him again. I have made that decision because I know I won't be able to heal and live, literally live, with anything like him having an affair and a kid with someone else. Lately I look at him and I think "what if I never see him again, hear his voice, touch him".

This is all debilitating and consuming. I went a couple days without looking at her fb, but today also, boom, a litany of excitement about the upcoming birth. Like her whole life is just one big bucket of happiness and getting her way. I hate her, and I wish nothing but horrible heartbreak for her future.


Me - maybe BW 40s
He - maybe WH 40s
My mother was always the OW
ExWH in first M had lta.
Current marriage:
2/'13 out all night with an ow
2/'13 busted at strip club
4/'14-? bad boundaries w/howorker

Posts: 377 | Registered: Feb 2014
ShiningAutumn8
Member
Member # 42558
Default  Posted: 3:37 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have you thoguth about contacting the skank, and politely messaging her, something along the lines of "Hi, I am xxx's wife. You two worked together. I hope this doesn't offend you but I am just trying to piece together what if anything happened between you and my husband. Were you just friends or more?"

I don't recall if there had been any communication between you and her, or if she knew you suspected or what?

I just hate to see you driving yourself mad over something that could possibly be nothing.

Do you know exactly how far along she is? If so, how does that comport time-wise with when she and your husband worked together.

Have you spoken to your H about your fears? If so what is his response?


Posts: 486 | Registered: Feb 2014
OutoftheDeep
♀ Member
Member # 42601
Default  Posted: 11:00 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have you thoguth about contacting the skank, and politely messaging her, something along the lines of "Hi, I am xxx's wife. You two worked together. I hope this doesn't offend you but I am just trying to piece together what if anything happened between you and my husband. Were you just friends or more?"
I don't recall if there had been any communication between you and her, or if she knew you suspected or what?

No, I cannot bring myself to do this. Pride. She does know me, I was at his job site at least once a week just to see him and also did a job for his boss on the side. I actually had more access to the business areas than most of the workers spouses.

She probably knows I suspect. ws told me that she indicated she was scared of me. What a crock. I asked how or why was this brought up, and he said because when she was warned by the boss to stay out of the guy's work area (boss did not like the rumors of two of his workers having an affair) ws also told her that I didn't like her around him either. She apparently said something along the lines of not wanting any problems. Wah boo hoo. I'm so sure she's scared of me and not the wife of her "work husband". I have no idea whether to believe him or not. If she was so scared why did she accept his friend request last month when I got on his fb and friended her as him?? (He doesn't know I did this and she thinks it's him)

If I asked her, she would most likely either lie, or do something snotty like just say "nope" knowing it would just leave me hanging. And immediately tell people and post veiled comments all over her fb about it. She's an attention whore, any response will most likely be selfish.

I have been logging on to ws fb, she does not conntact him that I know of. At least on fb.

I just hate to see you driving yourself mad over something that could possibly be nothing.

Thank you


Do you know exactly how far along she is? If so, how does that comport time-wise with when she and your husband worked together.

He had already left the job when she got pregnant, BUT he had gone back there for a full day to get the rest of his work stuff during that time. It's this one damn day that is causing me all this angst. One day.

Have you spoken to your H about your fears? If so what is his response?

His response is denial, why would he have hamburger when he has steak at home, she's not attractive, he knows her game and what she was doing, and he loves me. I told him if this is possible, he HAS to tell me and LET ME GO, because I do NOT, CANNOT, forgive or live with something like this. Do you understand? I told him. He said it sounded like I was trying to get rid of him, did he want me to tell him he had an A so I had an excuse to leave him. I said no, if you did not do anything I want you 200% but if you did I need (not want, but need) you gone 200%. I would be SO HEARTBROKEN if it happened, but there's no grey here. I told him not to trick me into staying with him with lies. I told him don't you dare give yourself that much control over my life. These things have been said with anger, tears, calmness. He yelled at me once I did not fuck her, I did not get a blow job from her, I did not this and that, what else do you want me to say? It's NOT ME WHO KNOCKED HER UP! He also said once during one of our calmer talks about his that he knew her game was 'trying to be everybody's little sister and make everybody take care of her'. I was encouraged by this insight as I had not mentioned any of this to him.

Well that's probably what the other guy is telling his wife too!!!

And I have told him damn you even if your "innocent"! You put yourself and us and me in this predicament! You probably felt all flattered that some skank was clamoring for your attention even if she was doing it with everyone, you didn't keep cement boundaries, you called her, you let her know enough about you that she felt fine asking nagging questions about your life...and now look! Not to mention, did he tell her and his buddy her "work husband" that they were bullshit and he wanted nothing to do with it? NO! he kept right on being "friends" with the guy and being cool with her!! Even if you are "innocent" do you see how stupid you were??? And now I have to waste my time on this idiot trashy bitch's fb page trying to figure out whether my life is going to be effected by the likes of HER??

Also, something she said recently strongly indicates her current guy is not the father. So that rules that out. What an idiot, she is completely stupid.


Me - maybe BW 40s
He - maybe WH 40s
My mother was always the OW
ExWH in first M had lta.
Current marriage:
2/'13 out all night with an ow
2/'13 busted at strip club
4/'14-? bad boundaries w/howorker

Posts: 377 | Registered: Feb 2014
Topic Posts: 26
Pages: 1 · 2

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