I agree isthereeveranend. Is think that innocent special has gone, it's all down to what we can rebuild now. at the moment it feels like we will never make a new special but I guess it's down to time. I never thought I would have come this far in a year so who knows what the future holds. It's scary not feeling confident about the future but I suppose I just have to stay on the rollercoaster and see what happens.
@olwen I'm just starting the journey too, and only now seeing how much pain is really there. I was the queen of denial for my own suffering. Even now H and I talk so much more, but I often have to come back and say something new about an old conversation because I realize that I was hiding my true feelings. I'm constantly having to check myself to see what I'm really feeling. Learning to stand up for myself has been really difficult. I've spent my whole life being the 'gentle' one who never gets upset. I don't scream and yell. I don't think that will ever be me, but I know now that I can be honest and stand my ground.
I hope we can get some sort of special back. Like you say crossroads, an affair doesn't have to wipe out the whole marriage and all the memories. I hope we all find some sort of special again.
sadone - we are very similar. Well done on your progress, sometimes I don't even know what my feelings are.
It's sad we have so much to deal with.
I see now that I am an adult and it's now my responsibility to give myself what I need and take my healing into my own hands. I'm definitely learning about having boundaries but also having compassion for others.
(((Sadone29))) I totally hear you and this resonates as strongly as any one statement I have embraced since DD.
This idea that I AM an adult. I HAVE the ability to self-soothe and heal! And this does NOT mean buy a Ferrari or head to Vegas.....this is NOT a selfish realization or a "Its my time to shine" now moment. It is to attain healthy maturity in ways in which I had not before.
God help me.....for decades there was, many times, a scared little boy in me that was subconsciously influencing me.
Shocked me for a while.....fought western wild fires so I thought I was "all man".
Really quite humbling, this experience. Humbling is GOOD as it allows growth....but, still, it is nice to hear from others who have the same struggles.
Olwen....fantastic post....kinda grew in many directions. Thank you for the courage to post it and the patience to let it grow.
God is with us all.
[This message edited by blakesteele at 3:39 PM, March 20th (Thursday)]
For Olwen and anyone else interested, there are a few great speakers on youtube about codependency. I watched one last night called The 4 Stages of Codependent Recover by Ross Rosenberg. It explains why I'm having such a difficult time during this stage of learning to set boundaries. He likens it to getting off of a drug, which makes total sense to me now that I hear it. It is so difficult to actually go through with setting healthy boundaries. I want to run away and hide where I'm comfortable. I want to appease everyone around me and I have to fight those feelings of guilt just for speaking up. But I'm starting to see why this also isn't good for those in my life either.