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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Been awhile
Etexas
♂ Member
Member # 29567
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I havent been here in awhile. This site really helped me at first and then it seemed to really just make me think about it more so I stopped. I have 6 months from being 4 yrs since I have found out. Went through everything everyone else has. For the past year things havent been the same. I havent told her I loved her in over a year. There is no sex and emotions. When we talk it is just about the kids. I just cant get over it. I wish I could get out but financially I just cant right now. I think she would rather live like this than have the stigma or have her friends know exactly what happened. I am just miserable. Lost all hope and life just plain sucks right now. It is amazing that after all this time I can still get sick to my stomach about it when I think about it. I dont get pissed anymore. I dont look at her the same, I know I dont love her. Just wandering if anyone else is going through the same thing?


Me-BS 36
Her--WW 35

D-Day 9-1-10---she spent the whole summer talking to him

Stuggling through R


Posts: 179 | Registered: Sep 2010
HUFI-PUFI
♂ Member
Member # 25460
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Etexas - I don't look at her the same, I know I don't love her. Just wandering if anyone else is going through the same thing?

I regret to say but you are not alone. In fact, the R forum is so full of sad and unhappy BS's that it prompted a whole thread on the issue.

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=524743&HL=25460

Etexas - I wish I could get out but financially I just can't right now.

Understandable but I challenge you to figure it out now. How long are you willing to live this sham of a life? Yes, the obstacles are tough but you aren't doing anyone any favor by staying in a marriage that is unhappy, unfilled with love and full of misery. Don't you feel that you deserve better?

HUFI

We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be - May Sarton


Donít listen to your head, itís easily confused. Donít listen to your heart, its fickle. Listen to your soul, God doesn't steer you wrong.

Posts: 3280 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Azilda, Northern Ontario
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 4:23 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome back, Etexas. Sounds like you're in a really rough spot.

(((ETX)))


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - FranÁois-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17838 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
somanyyears
♂ Member
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


..you're not getting any younger..

..the finances thing will work itself out.

..money, hers or yours, isn't worth an unhappy life.

..take charge of your future.. your next woman just might be a millionaire.. but you'll never know unless you get out from under the present one that is keeping you so unhappy..

..good luck..

smy


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf


Posts: 4129 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
Etexas
♂ Member
Member # 29567
Default  Posted: 4:28 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, I am trying to find another job. Once I can do that then I would just take out my retirement and pay everything off.

Yes, I do deserve better. Just getting to that point.

I have heard that, but if the money isnt there, it just isnt there.


Me-BS 36
Her--WW 35

D-Day 9-1-10---she spent the whole summer talking to him

Stuggling through R


Posts: 179 | Registered: Sep 2010
Dare2Trust
♀ Member
Member # 21183
Default  Posted: 11:38 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ETexas,

Very few people have ALL THEIR DEBTS paid off in full ---So, waiting to full-fill that goal, might keep you in this dead-end marriage a very, very long time.

Only you can decided when enough is enough.
I read your previous posts - and you've been "Talking Divorce" a very long time - years.
I'd suggest you talk to your attorney again; and see exactly where you stand financially...and move on with your life.
NO ONE should live their life this way: No love, no emotions, no sex. You're a young man - you have your whole life in front of you.


Me BS 59
WH 58
Married 19 years
D-Day Nov 3, 2005
Child: Adopted Daughter 21 College Student now

I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.


Posts: 6133 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
RidingHealingRd
♀ Member
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 12:39 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our Ddays are very close...worst day of my life 10/29/10.

Fortunately, our M has survived. I am in a far better place today but it was a horrendous journey.

I am so sorry that you continue to struggle. You deserve peace and happiness in your life. I believe you can find that, you just need to set the wheels in motion.

Set some goals and actively pursue them. Seeking new employment (or a 2nd job) is a step in the right direction.

Have you talked with an attorney to better understand how a D would impact you financially?

Would it be possible to move out, maybe move in with a family member or into a small apartment?

It appears that you have gained clarity regarding your situations. Clarity, confidence, and motivation can be the catalyst for change.

You can find happiness again.


ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 4 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.


Posts: 2122 | Registered: Nov 2011
Topic Posts: 7

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