Our Ddays are very close...worst day of my life 10/29/10.
Fortunately, our M has survived. I am in a far better place today but it was a horrendous journey.
I am so sorry that you continue to struggle. You deserve peace and happiness in your life. I believe you can find that, you just need to set the wheels in motion.
Set some goals and actively pursue them. Seeking new employment (or a 2nd job) is a step in the right direction.
Have you talked with an attorney to better understand how a D would impact you financially?
Would it be possible to move out, maybe move in with a family member or into a small apartment?
It appears that you have gained clarity regarding your situations. Clarity, confidence, and motivation can be the catalyst for change.
You can find happiness again.
ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
in R 3.5 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.