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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: APs as Attention Seekers - How to Cope
refuz2bavictim
♀ Member
Member # 27176
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to chuckle at this a bit

she gets a whole birthday week, not just a day

MOW fauxfriend demanded a month AND what she called a "national holiday"

Regardless of what you do, I'd like to stick an epidural sized needle in that over-inflated ego. Anyway, all that attention...is bound to turn sour at some point. Attention seekers have a way of self imploding.


BS:ME DDay: 7/18/09 Last of TT 7/11/10
MOW's EA/PA all were my "friends" but one


Posts: 2372 | Registered: Jan 2010
SpotlessMind
♀ Member
Member # 41775
Default  Posted: 7:15 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((BionicGal))). So sorry you have to deal with this, ugh!

Sounds as though she wants to hang on to old connections and continue to be the center of attention. Is she competitive? In retrospect, I realized the OW who was a "friend" of mine is very competitive. I don't think she has that self-awareness, though. So I wonder if the OW in your situation is still "competing," and if so, guess what? You already have the main prize she was after.

I have mixed feelings about friends who would remain good friends with the woman who had an affair with my husband. If they are close friends, and they did? I might reassess that friendship. My couple of good friends I told who knew that particular OW socially have zero interest in seeing her again.

As for FB--just, ugh. I'm not sure of your situation, but my publisher expects me to keep up a social media presence (huge fail for several months after DDay), so it's not an option for me to just shut down all my accounts. I wondered if you might be in the same boat? My solution is to check in on posts rarely, though....which is also a great time saver!

Good luck to you--such a difficult situation.


fWS/BS--me
BH/WH--him
Married: 12 yrs
D-Day: October
Kids: yes

Posts: 277 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Where am I?
refuz2bavictim
♀ Member
Member # 27176
Default  Posted: 2:33 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just thought of something you might want to do, as it's something I did just yesterday.

I have a friend who I really really like, but we share different views on the world. She is my good friend and I respect her, but she posts things that I just don't want to see.

I unfollowed her. Her posts no longer pop up in newsfeed, but I can still access her page when I want to see photos or something important. The key for me, is that I have to initiate the viewing what she posts. Don't forget that you could also use lists to accomplish the same goal, but that might take a little longer.

If you simply unfollow the friends who are putting up and sharing the photos, it would mitigate the nasty photo surprises, without having to disclose any information. You will still see pics of her when you go to that friends page of course, but at least it won't pop up on your newsfeed when you least expect it.

It may not be a long term solution to the real problem, but it could buy you some peace of mind for the time being.


BS:ME DDay: 7/18/09 Last of TT 7/11/10
MOW's EA/PA all were my "friends" but one


Posts: 2372 | Registered: Jan 2010
Gottagetthrough
Member
Member # 27325
Default  Posted: 2:58 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1- if you tell your close friend and they chose to remain friends with both you and her, then she is not a friend you want or need.

2- she might be sizing these other husbands up for an affair... it sounds like she has no shame and is not remorseful at all.

I'd tell a close friend. If you are not very close, I understand not wanting to say anything. This woman sounds like she is on a collision course with disaster! My guess is that she will either get bored after you ignore her, and move on... or have an affair with a husband out of the social group and be kicked out.

I'd lay low for a while, maybe even stop going to social events for several months. Heck, use that time to focus on your marriage, do things just with your husband. This AP is not interested in cultivating long term, meaningful relationships... she will realize she is not getting a jab at you, and she will flake on this social group and go on to something else...

[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 3:04 AM, March 20th (Thursday)]


Posts: 1401 | Registered: Jan 2010
Gottagetthrough
Member
Member # 27325
Default  Posted: 3:11 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You could talk to your close friends in confidence. It really would not be out of line.

I would never have gotten thru the A without my close friends. You need support from friends now.

I'm talking besties... I understand, and would not tell everyone in my mommy and me group. But friends who I would count as true friends, people that you envision staying friends with for life, yeah, Id tell...

that's me.


Posts: 1401 | Registered: Jan 2010
Gottagetthrough
Member
Member # 27325
Default  Posted: 3:13 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to chuckle at this a bit

she gets a whole birthday week, not just a day

MOW fauxfriend demanded a month AND what she called a "national holiday"

are you kidding me! I can barely make it through ONE DAY, there is no way I would have a birthday week or month!

I lock myself away, cry, and dye my gray hair every birthday. Seriously, I hate them!


Posts: 1401 | Registered: Jan 2010
Topic Posts: 26
Pages: 1 · 2

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