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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Court hearing tomorrow-nervous
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really don't know what I am so nervous about but I have not been able to focus at all and I feel shaky and sick to my stomach.

he is in Florida, not to return until Saturday. he did not file his appearance to court.

I have 14 months of his bank statements showing he earns 3x what I do.

I have my financial affadavit showing that I am running $150 in the red weekly.

I have copies of email that I informed him and his response.

I have copies of email from ow #1 & #2.

I have his confession letter to affairs and lying to me thoughout our entire marriage and previous cheating on others.

I have copies of the texts that call me a whore, a slut, a liar and "I hope you are dead".

I think I have everything I might need. I am so happy he will not be there. I know that eventually I will have to face him but I guess this is like a practice run.

I just wish I felt confident, calm. I am a nervous wreck. I even took an antianxiety. I haven't taken one in weeks.

Just needed to get this out. I wish it was all over. As much as I really don't want this to be my life, it is, I have no other choice. He is who he is and I do not want someone like that in my life. Damn, I guess I wish he were someone else!

I guess by doing this it opens up the possibility for someone else in the future! Didn't think of it that way before.

I guess I am doing this for the possiblities of a better life, whatever that may be.


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

divorcing


Posts: 1264 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
Leia
♀ Member
Member # 42510
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My court date is a week away, and I'm already nervous. I don't have any advice except hang in there, and hugs. Best Wishes!


"Somebody get this walking carpet out of my way." Princess Leia, Star Wars

Posts: 296 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Kansas
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sending you strength, Can. If it helps, envision all of us standing/sitting behind you, channeling you positive energy.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24460 | Registered: Aug 2011
GotPlayed
♂ Member
Member # 41294
Default  Posted: 5:23 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

cantaccept - I was very nervous even though I was confident the night before. I didn't sleep at all. Try some melatonin tonight and put your alarm clock early. You don't want to be late to court (I was there 2h early)

Once I focused on the business and my L was there, it became easy. It's good to be prepared. And you sound like you're ready and organized.

You're going to do great. Remember, it's just business. Mostly about your kids and the effect his infidelity has on them. The court is adversarial but fair, and favors people who treat this as just business.

As my lawyer said about divorce (here in CA, but increasingly everywhere in the US), "think of it as just the unwinding of a business relationship".

Focus on the future, and the wonderful things that await you as a single woman.

I checked your About page. I think us CA SIers should try to organize a G2G to coincide with your next trip to CA. It's very nice out here, I don't want you triggering when you visit this awesome state. I know at some point I'm going to have to lug myself to the forest that triggers me as well.

[This message edited by GotPlayed at 5:24 PM, March 19th, 2014 (Wednesday)]


Master of my Fate, Captain of my Soul.
BS 42, WW 41. 18y married
DD: 11/5/13
DS10 Autism, DD8
OM: Reformed wife-beater ex-con
D filed 1/14/14 by WW (never warn them, they'll get ahead)
Married a powder keg

Posts: 609 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: California
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 9:05 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone,

Thanks for the encouragement. I wish I had someone in real life to go with me, but I will think of all of you if I get really scared.

There are no children so that will not be discussed, only financial I think but I hope that I can let the court know the reason why it is irreconcilable.

I have everything documented.

I would love a trip to California again. I want to make some new memories. As far as triggers go I think my hometown is the worst. ow#1 works about a mile away and lives 2 blocks from one of my sons, ow#2 works at the bank down the street, next to the grocery store, I can see her in the drive thru window and she lives right near where I work, I have to drive by her street every day.

So, California, that is nothing. I have a friend in Berkeley that just invited me to visit.

Get planning that G2G! I might need donations for the plane ticket though! We'll see how it goes tomorrow.

I am so damn nervous, I would be a wreck if he was going to be there! I can't believe I got this lucky!


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

divorcing


Posts: 1264 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Best of luck to you tomorrow. It should go just fine if he's not there.

(((can)))


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7784 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 9:54 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You have everything you need--most importantly your own knowledge that this is best for you, that you deserve better, and that you are taking the steps to have a happier, healthier life.

SI will be with you in spirit for sure. (((((((&strength))))))))


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 3830 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 10:11 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi norabird,

I am trying to remain strong. I am scared.

I know this is the only path for me to take, there is no other option if I want a better life.

Damn it pisses me off! This is not the life I wanted, chose or created!

I am just reacting, I hate that. I know the only one I can control is myself.

Just an emotional roller coaster tonight. This is making it all feel so real.

The crazy part is whenever I had to face something this scary, who did I lean on?

Now he is the enemy, the cause of this.

Now I am getting angry, maybe that is good.


cannot wait for this to be in the past.


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

divorcing


Posts: 1264 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You aren't just reacting, or you wouldn't have all your documents in order, would you? That sounds like acting thoughtfully to me!

Of course having prepared doesn't bring your emotions to calm and undisturbed, it doesn't negate the fear of change, the anxiety about the hearing. Maybe take another look in the fears vs reality thread if you haven't lately?

If you can, take a calming hot bubble bath tonight or light some nice scented candles, or have some ice cream from the fridge, or watch a favorite movie if you can't sleep.

This will be in the past soon. As SBB says someday this will just be something that happened to you.

Keep moving forward, one step at a time. You ARE strong--it doesn't mean not being scared, it means proceeding anyway and facing the demons. You will learn to lean on yourself in times of trouble, or on good trusted friends and family. Always on SI if you want


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 3830 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 10:58 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

norabird,

How did you get so damn smart???

Just kiddding. Thank you. You are right on point with this.

Yes I am taking control as much as I can.

Just letting my emotions take over tonight. I think I was due for it. I have been stuffing too much lately.

I will get through tomorrow. And then the next day until this is the past.

Thanks norabird


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

divorcing


Posts: 1264 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 10:58 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I will be thinking of you tomorrow and will be sending peaceful mojo. It seems like you have everything ready. There is nothing more that needs to be done. You took your meds so hopefully you will be able to get a few hours of sleep tonight.

I wish I could tell you the right words but I have not gone to court yet myself. I understand your ambivalence of wanting it to be over yet not wanting this to be your life. Once you let go of this "life", you will be able to full heartedly open you arms for the next part of your life. It's going to be amazing but you need to close this chapter first.

You got this, cantaccept!


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2129 | Registered: Oct 2012
Chrysalis123
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sending you MOJO for today


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2609 | Registered: Jan 2010
ItsaClimb
♀ Member
Member # 37107
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sending you big hugs today.


BS 46
Together 29 yrs, M 25 years
2 daughters 24yo(married with a brand new little daughter) & 19yo
D-Day 18 Aug 2012
6mth EA lead to 4mth PA with CO-W. I found out 8 1/2 yrs later

Posts: 914 | Registered: Oct 2012
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 9:26 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Prayers and positive thoughts headed your way.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1560 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Gottagetthrough
Member
Member # 27325
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i have been there. i know what you are feeling.

hugs and positive thoughts


Posts: 1333 | Registered: Jan 2010
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes much love and support for today. I think it's absolutely fantastic that he won't be there.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson


Posts: 794 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Judge postponed until April 3rd. I know what to expect now so maybe next time will be easier.

Will definitely bring someone with me though. he will probably be there next time.

Going to nap now, wiped out.


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

divorcing


Posts: 1264 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for the update. Please go take a nap. You deserve it!


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2129 | Registered: Oct 2012
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry there was a delay (I'm sure you'd love to get this over with) but enjoy the well-earned nap!!


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 3830 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Topic Posts: 19

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