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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Being compatible
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

we are. I don't know of another couple that is more compatible than us: we like to eat right, workout, don't feel the need to talk all the time, love our kids... That was the jest of IC today. that's why we can treat each other in a loving and forgiving way but meanwhile, what happened tears us up inside.

I "thought" I was 100% committed to this reconciliation. But I'm not. i'm 100% committed to not hurting him by acting out, but that's about it. I do not have both feet in. Nor does he. That would leave us too vulnerable. We both fear.

She asked if I could meet my own emotional needs, being hubby is sorely lacking in that area and would have changed by now if he was going to. I said, I'm not sure, thinking what is the point in being married then?

A week ago I asked if it was a good time to talk about something and he said yes. So we exchanged 3 sentences and he couldn't fix what I was talking about so he went back to Wicked Tuna. I just stared at him. Previously, I would have engaged him somehow but I just walked away. It'll be brought up tomorrow at MC, who works feverishly at getting hubby to connect more with me emotionally


As long as we keep it on the DL, we are good. Compatible. As if that was enough.

[This message edited by rachelc at 4:31 PM, March 19th (Wednesday)]


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4705 | Registered: Dec 2010
Simple
♀ Member
Member # 18814
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Love is hard work. On both sides.

My FWH and I have a lot of differences and a lot of similarities. It's called being a person.

You can't have R if you're both not all in. Have to be all in 100% or it's bust. R is forever. My hubby and I are in 6+ year R and I tell you we still bust our butts working on our M. Because we thought it is worth all the effort and tears.

If you both cannot get to that level of commitment, R is not for you. And yes I said BOTH. It's like getting married all over again. Making those vows all over again. That's why some people here actually D, then R and some actually renew their vows as a start of true R.

Hugs your way. Hopefully MC can shed more light.


Love is a choice.

True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.

Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.


Posts: 927 | Registered: Mar 2008
Morhurt
♀ Member
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 5:45 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's hard Rachel, your post feels so sad. I'm also not sure that I would call you guys "compatible", to me it means that you bring out the best in each other along with the similar interests etc.
She asked if I could meet my own emotional needs, being hubby is sorely lacking in that area and would have changed by now if he was going to. I said, I'm not sure, thinking what is the point in being married then?
That sounds painful, I tend to agree with you.

I know you've worked so hard on R and I'm sorry you're struggling right now. I hope after some time to process you gain some clarity.


Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 897 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 3

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