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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Husband's advice from his IC
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your WH wants control over you. He wants to be in the house so he can snoop through your stuff and keep tabs on you.
Absolutely this! No way in f'in hell should you ever agree to nesting with this psycho.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3400 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Freeme
♀ Member
Member # 31946
Default  Posted: 4:37 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

how did your meeting with your lawyer go? Did you WH know you were meeting a lawyer? How is180 going?

Thoughts are with you, hope you are safe.


Posts: 242 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Washington DC
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^^ This^^^^
Hoping all went well. Thinking of you!


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2791 | Registered: Aug 2011
Klove
♀ Member
Member # 42096
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey folks- thanks for checking in on me.
Lawyer went well. It was our first meeting and I really really liked her and got a very confident, competent vibe from her.
I decided not to file the exclusive use order because our courts are so backed up here...but you can bet I texted him and said

"my lawyer and I discussed your aggressive and abusive behaviour at the house. It is within my right to have the court ban you from the home- but I chose to speak to you reasonably about it first. Know that this option is a available to me and I will use it if you don't treat me and the boy with respect."

Boy- has his behaviour changed! One rule of bullies is their behaviour only work if you don't tell on them!

So the meeting was a lot of questions and info gathering and such. We talked custody, parenting schedules, the house...
It was pretty overwhelming I'll admit.
I think I've come to accept that even if I get the house, I can not afford to keep it. This is heartbreaking as it's my dream house on a lake...but even with what I imagine he'll be paying me in child support and spousal support, I would be financially tapped and stressed. Plus if one thing went wrong, it would sink me. My friends keep telling me to hang on to it and suffer a few lean/stressful years because they are confident within 5 years would have a new man living there.
I don't know.
I'm sad to lose it, but also half liking the idea of my own cozy little house that I handle with confidence all on my own.
I'll miss the lake, but we still have loads of family and friends who live on the lake we can visit...

Lots to think about.


"But stand still is all I did
Love like ours is never fixed
Still I stuck around
I did behave
I saved you every time
I was a fool for love
I was a fool for love"

Posts: 294 | Registered: Jan 2014
one2ndchance
♀ Member
Member # 14759
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The first meeting with a lawyer offers you your legal options. It means you are no longer waiting for him to decide your future. Now YOU get to control your fate. Good for you!


Me: BW 59
Him: STBXWH 61
Married: 25 years
DDay1: 2/2002; DDay2: 6/2012
Gave him his second chance and he blew it.
Divorcing

Posts: 479 | Registered: May 2007 | From: California
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

2x4 ahead

I decided not to file the exclusive use order because our courts are so backed up here...but you can bet I texted him and said
"my lawyer and I discussed your aggressive and abusive behaviour at the house. It is within my right to have the court ban you from the home- but I chose to speak to you reasonably about it first. Know that this option is a available to me and I will use it if you don't treat me and the boy with respect."

Boy- has his behaviour changed! One rule of bullies is their behaviour only work if you don't tell on them!

What?

You're still trying to "nice" him into being a decent person. You're still thinking you can negotiate with him as a reasonable person. You still think you can control him. You still believe that a few hours of "changed behavior" indicates a lasting heart & soul change in him. You still haven't hit your rock bottom yet.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9824 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 26
Pages: 1 · 2

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