Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: SouthernChild (44917)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Catalyst
freeatlast72
♀ Member
Member # 42758
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Has anyone else heard WH say that the OW was the "catalyst" to helping him find happiness and true love. This is what WH said to me several times..."OW was the catalyst for making a change in the marriage, I am unhappy and I feel like I am not living my life"-- really can WH ever take any responsibility for his actions?!?

I really like his justification for cheating and having an affair....NOT! Excuses, Excuses.


BS:41 (me)
WH: 41
Kids: DD6
DDay: 12/31/2013
Married 15 years
Separated as of 01/16/2014,now divorcing...WH did not want to reconcile.

You can't rationalize irrational behavior.


Posts: 135 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: North Carolina
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW was the catalyst for making a change in the marriage, I am unhappy and I feel like I am not living my life"-- really can WH ever take any responsibility for his actions?!?
Yep, stbxww said the OM helped her realize she wasn't happy and not living her life. Many BS's here something similar and you are right it is just a lame excuse. If they weren't happy they always had the option to do just about anything other than cheat.

In my case stbxww's A was the catalyst to me filing for D and moving on and realizing that I am happy with life and living my life much better without the dead weight of an unremorseful WS around holding me back.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1903 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
damnUnicorns
♀ Member
Member # 42691
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine hasn't said it DIRECTLY like that, but that's the gist. He's not leaving me FOR her... but she helped him realize there's "a better, happier life" out there for him.


Unremorseful WH-48
BW(me)-46
M 26+ years
DS 26, DD 23
H moved out 10/3/12
IN House S, H lost job 2/7/14→now
Dday 1- 3/2002 short EA/PA w-COW
Dday 2- 2/12/14→LTA, H STILL seeing "Bi"MfCOW (OW now S too)!

Posts: 121 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: CA
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just remember, reality is different in fantasyland.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3345 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Dreamboat
♀ Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 9:58 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine said that OW "brought him back to his roots". I said "WTF does that even mean??"

Unremorseful WS say the dumbest things


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17629 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
kg201
♂ Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 10:53 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yup. She is able now to live an "authentic life." She even bought books on the subject. Those must be put out by the same folks who publish "Infidelity for Dummies."


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 691 | Registered: Aug 2013
freeatlast72
♀ Member
Member # 42758
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH also said they are "soulmates" and can be himself around her...really, we have been married 15 years and you are going to someone you have know for 3 months and out of OW's husband's mouth that she is an alcoholic-- wow! WH can deal with that from now on!

I guess we can't rationalize irrational behavior!


BS:41 (me)
WH: 41
Kids: DD6
DDay: 12/31/2013
Married 15 years
Separated as of 01/16/2014,now divorcing...WH did not want to reconcile.

You can't rationalize irrational behavior.


Posts: 135 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: North Carolina
Lola2kids
♀ Member
Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He did say that "she makes me feel like I'm 22 again. She makes me feel like a man."

Same thing I think.
She has brought out the inner child in him when really he never grew up in the first place.


BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(10)
D-Day April 18, 2011
Him:out Sept. 11, 2011
He moved to Europe June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"

Posts: 1386 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
Dreamboat
♀ Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She is able now to live an "authentic life."

And she only had to lie and cheat to be able to achieve that "authentic life"...another wtf moment brought to you by an unremorseful WS!


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17629 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
kg201
♂ Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yup. A few WTF moments have come my way since DDay. But they are now rolling over me like a wave in the Bahamas.


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 691 | Registered: Aug 2013
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"catalyst"
If my stbx said this word, I would 1. faint 2. get back up 3. ask him to spell it 4. laugh my fat ass off

My stbx don't know dem biig words so he basically stuck to the stupid WS script "I deserve to be happy". And to answer your question, no ~ they can NEVER take responsibility for their actions. Doing so would require them to admit they were ... gasp ... selfish, cowardly and wrong.


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2191 | Registered: Oct 2012
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"I deserve to be happy".

There really is a Cheaters Handbook - I got this too, word for word.

I certainly know DD was a 'catalyst' to me finding happiness.

Two articles that were HUGE lightbulb moments for me:

She's Special: http://psychopathyawareness.wordpress.com/2011/12/20/a-vain-fantasy-his-one-true-love-the-exception-that-confirms-the-rule/

Romantic Infidelity: http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200910/beyond-betrayal-life-after-infidelity

As someone's tag line says here: Fidelity is not a feeling, it's a choice.

They have to make the AP their soulmate/schmoopie because otherwise they are just pathetic monsters in their own mind too, not just ours.

DDOW dumped the sad clown a few weeks after DD. He now says this shit about OWUmpteen. Love? No - just a parasites new host.

The right thing to do when you find yourself on that slippery slope is to work at fixing it or divorcing - not lying/cheating for as long as you can get away with it.

There's a line in an Adele song I've only recently noticed - it is a better explanation than 'catalyst': "Throw your soul through every open door".


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5555 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 2:46 PM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In my case stbxww's A was the catalyst to me filing for D and moving on and realizing that I am happy with life and living my life much better without the dead weight of an unremorseful WS around holding me back.

And that is how you make lemonade my friends. 7yrsflushed for the win!


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 1030 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
Jennifer99
♀ Member
Member # 39551
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I want to take everything in this thread and save it forever.

Just EXACTLY ALL THIS!

Perfect.

If I wasn't at work I'd be standing up shouting hallelujah!


Posts: 556 | Registered: Jun 2013
Klove
♀ Member
Member # 42096
Default  Posted: 5:15 PM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Loving this!!!
Mine was: She made me feel good. I trust her.

Really? You know she cheated on her stbxh too, right?
Morons.
All of 'em.

Yeah she was such a STRONG catalyst that you didn't have the balls to divorce me the first time you were caught...put me through almost 2 yrs of false R.
Moron.

Ugh.


"But stand still is all I did
Love like ours is never fixed
Still I stuck around
I did behave
I saved you every time
I was a fool for love
I was a fool for love"

Posts: 294 | Registered: Jan 2014
Vulcanized
♀ Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 6:25 PM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

can WH ever take any responsibility for his actions?!?

In many cases, no. But there are the rare few that actually do.

As for the catalyst, it's S.O.P. cheaters manual. My XH: OW makes me happy (XH has absolutely no control of his own happiness ). Ergo: W makes me UNhappy.

XH was so happy w/OW he brought her around for months, yet didn't introduce her, denied being w/her, etc.


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 747 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
damncutekitty
♀ Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 7:47 PM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"I deserve to be happy"

I hate this expression. My XH used to say that to me. I was like, what about me? Don't I deserve happiness? Why do I have to pay for your supposed happiness with my suffering?


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49473 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
westgirl
♀ New Member
Member # 42090
Default  Posted: 8:29 PM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She is able now to live an "authentic life."

I am convinced that these folks are drinking some funky Koolaid that allows them to not really understand what they have done. It's too bad all of us have the reality punch to drink.


Posts: 9 | Registered: Jan 2014
WestMonroe91
♂ Member
Member # 41999
Default  Posted: 9:54 PM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WW was seeing OM who is married with young kids. They were originally an item in college back in 1983. When she confessed, I found out that he told her that he had no intention to leave his wife and kids.
Anyway one of the things she told me was that they "connected." Another time she said to me that "remember this was all your fault."
When I revealed everything to her twin sister, the sis said that WW is a fool because OM is just telling her what she wants to hear since he is getting it for free with no committment.


BS-59 (me)
WS-48
DD-25, DS-20, DS-19

Posts: 60 | Registered: Jan 2014
freeatlast72
♀ Member
Member # 42758
Default  Posted: 7:53 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Another time she said to me that "remember this was all your fault."

They just DO NOT GET IT. WH keeps blaming me for his cheating, I am what caused it...really?? I was in the same marriage as you and I did not go out and sleep around. The first time I heard I love you, but am not in love with you was when he was well into the affair.

"Our marriage became a friendship" he used this one too AFTER he met OW, who also pretended to be my friend.

[This message edited by freeatlast72 at 7:55 AM, March 21st (Friday)]


BS:41 (me)
WH: 41
Kids: DD6
DDay: 12/31/2013
Married 15 years
Separated as of 01/16/2014,now divorcing...WH did not want to reconcile.

You can't rationalize irrational behavior.


Posts: 135 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: North Carolina
Topic Posts: 22
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum: Divorce/Separation Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.