We have had many discussions on this. Sadly H decided he was going to leave rather than confess to me. I got the ilybinilwy speech. He didn't, he came back 5 mins later and confessed, but he had already sat DS down and told him he was leaving.
I am so mad he did this but he really wasn't thinking straight.
When he came back 5 mins later he had to explain to DS in as little detail as possible but so he would have an idea what was going on. He settled on telling him in age appropriate terms that he had got too close to another lady and mummy is upset but we were going to be ok and work things out.
Things were very unsettled for a while but are ok now. We keep a close eye on DS for any signs he is worried or unhappy.
As he knows something bad happened we expect it to come up again when he is older. We have decided that whether it does or not H will bring it up when he is starting to get serious about girls when he is much older.
We don't want it to be a dirty little secret. H wants to share what he has learned in the hope DS won't make the same mistakes. He wants to teach him to respect commitment and how important it is not to cross boundaries etc.
I am not sure how I feel about this but H feels strongly. He feels if his parents had been open with him about their struggles he would have been more aware of the early signs he was getting drawn into an affair and perhaps it may never have happened. He lied to himself, as most do, that they were just friends until it spiralled.
He had no friends or family members to talk to so he turned further into the affair.
He strongly believes people should be more open about infidelity and the disastrous impact it has then more people would be more aware of the way it can happen so easily.
It feels right to me now but we will play it by ear. I am talking many years down the line. Certainly not as a child or a younger teen. I don't think he needs the gory details and neither does H but he does want to have a talk about it and let DS know he can come to us with anything.
What really annoys me is DS is 9. He is very popular and has many female friends. He also flirts with young women right left and centre and is a proper cutie so women call him a ladies man. I HATE that. Especially when MIL says, oh you're such a ladies man, just like your daddy. You're both terrible flirts. I hate the message that sends. Luckily she hasn't mentioned the 'just like daddy' bit since the A.