Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Taurus43 (44230)

General Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Exposed OM # 2
scared&stronger
♀ Member
Member # 15942
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought those classes were only for out of control anger-like rage.

No they are for anyone who does not express anger in a appropriate healthy manner. That would mean passive aggressive, those who become co-dependent and self mutilate out of anger.


WS 45
BS 43

Met when we were 17 and 15. Together since 1983, married since 1985. Two kids, B21, G15.

d-day 4-3-07

Life has a way of making us get our panties in a wad.....I refuse to wear panties ever again.


Posts: 3954 | Registered: Aug 2007
craig2001
♂ Member
Member # 55
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's a good darn question. She said he was a jerk. Why not block him? What purpose did he have to text her? I have no freaking clue.
Ask her and demand she answer like an adult.

Second of all, tell your wife to stop blaming you for the things she has caused. For every action there is a reaction. And her affairs caused this reaction. This has nothing to do with you being a different person at all.

Every action has a consequence, and it is a damn shame if he and she really expected that their actions were going to be ignored and swept away this time.

Ask your wife this question as well... If the situation were reversed, and YOU had an affair and your wife was totally unaware, would your wife like to be contacted and told the truth. If your wife says no, she is lying.


Posts: 3508 | Registered: Jun 2002
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel like crap due to her response but I felt heroic,

LS,

I understand feeling like crap about this, but in my book you really are heroic.

I really wish your W were remorseful and sent you props for outing her A. She's not, she didn't and you're learning to be yourself and protect yourself despite her intransigence. You're doing very difficult work, but you're getting it done, and that's great!

High 5, bro!

[This message edited by sisoon at 12:27 PM, March 21st (Friday)]


fBH (me) - 65+, fWW (her) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 9740 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
LostSamurai
♂ Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey can I t/j for a second?
You learn how to be assertive in anger management classes? Did you have trouble expressing anger previously?

I thought those classes were only for out of control anger-like rage.

What scared&stronger said is accurate. On this DDAY I lost it and grabbed a sword and was going to go OM's house. I also made some comment what would you do if I killed you to my wife.

Rage is the ultimate and unhealthy way of projecting your anger. I am learning to control myself and be a better person and how to deal with anger more effectively so I can freely express myself.

The program I am part of helps you to identify your mechanism before you get angry. It showed me a lot of things, that I didn't realize that may be consider abusive and it demonstrates how to be a better listener and like I said, to be assertive.

I would normally hold my anger in and then explode.


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1029 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
LostSamurai
♂ Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

craig2001
Ask her and demand she answer like an adult.
Second of all, tell your wife to stop blaming you for the things she has caused. For every action there is a reaction. And her affairs caused this reaction. This has nothing to do with you being a different person at all.

Every action has a consequence, and it is a damn shame if he and she really expected that their actions were going to be ignored and swept away this time.

Ask your wife this question as well... If the situation were reversed, and YOU had an affair and your wife was totally unaware, would your wife like to be contacted and told the truth. If your wife says no, she is lying.

I should ask her that. Better yet. What if our daughter had an affair, wouldn't you want to know? Also, if I did have an affair would you want to know as well. I think the daughter one would somewhat wake her up. Then I would ask you if someone had cheated on our daughter what advice would you give her. Sweep it under the rug or exposed and fight for your marriage by any Godly means necessary.


Sisoon

I really wish your W were remorseful and sent you props for outing her A. She's not, she didn't and you're learning to be yourself and protect yourself despite her intransigence. You're doing very difficult work, but you're getting it done, and that's great!

I wish you all could of heard the phone call. She said, I had no right telling the OM's mother. He lives with her and she should know her son is messing with another mans wife. Like his deadbeat father did... I don't care how long ago it was it needs to be exposed. I wish she would be remorseful, but I am not entitled to it. It has to be her that goes through a period of being broken and realize that she created this world and has to do some serious work. She goes to IC this Tuesday. And get this, her IC, our MC, said she see about joining me in my IC session. I would love for her to come and hear what I am feeling and thinking.


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1029 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
Getting to Happy
♀ Member
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey LS, I am glad to see that you have a healthy sense of self respect. That is beautiful.

I know that this is a tough time.

You are doing great but I would like to ask you to watch her actions as well as her words.

Because right now she is showing you who she really is. The Mask of her being a loving, loyal wife is slipping...

Pay attention to this person now. This is your real W.

Try not to have too much conversation with her unless it is really productive and proactive for your marriage. Otherwise Crickets would be a way to go.

Remember NC= no new hurts.

Stay the course SL, your doing fine. And please protect your heart.


WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown


Posts: 1138 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
LostSamurai
♂ Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Getting to Happy
Hey LS, I am glad to see that you have a healthy sense of self respect. That is beautiful.
I know that this is a tough time.

You are doing great but I would like to ask you to watch her actions as well as her words.

Because right now she is showing you who she really is. The Mask of her being a loving, loyal wife is slipping...

Pay attention to this person now. This is your real W.

Try not to have too much conversation with her unless it is really productive and proactive for your marriage. Otherwise Crickets would be a way to go.

Remember NC= no new hurts.

Stay the course SL, your doing fine. And please protect your heart.

Yesterday out of many battles to come was a win. Doesn't matter big or small, it is a win. I am watching her as much as I can and listening. I tried to be slow to answer.

Give you an example, she pulled this card on me when ever I do snooping or a confrontation. She says
"Just when I was thinking about coming back home you do something crazy."

This may not have been an appropriate response, but I said, that is a lie. If you were thinking or wanted to you would have came home. That is my opinion. I try to avoid arguments with her. And then, because my parents, mainly my Mom confronted her and called her a B.... for what she did and asked her when you going to be wife to my son again. She said she doesn't want to ever see my parents. My parents may not go to church but don't expect them to take what happen to me lightly.

Trying my best to protect my heart. I feel a different reality has taken place for me yesterday. It was like I took the red pill...I believe that is the right one and woke up. I have been in my bible and praying hard and seeking counsel and I am seeing as you said, my W for who she really is. I lost a lot of respect and trust for her when this all came out and then as more came out. I was a foolish to give her forgiveness, even though it probably isn't real forgiveness because I am going to be holding on to this for a long time.


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1029 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
numb&dumb
♂ Member
Member # 28542
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LS- You know you did the right thing.

A far as her reactions go, she knows you were right too, so she can't do anything except immature passive aggressive crap. She can't win in a logical sense, so she is trying the illogical path.

Sit back, grab the popcorn and wait for the fireworks to start.

FWIW- If you guys are separated, why not give her crickets. Don't feed the drama queen. I think that is going to be a lot more effective at getting what you want, no matter which way it goes from here. Peace.


Me-35 her-35

DS 1, DD 6
Dday 8/31/11. ONS that occurred 3 years earlier. Lied to for 3 years.

Every truth comes to light in a long enough timeline.


Posts: 2538 | Registered: May 2010
Uhtred
♂ Member
Member # 40392
Default  Posted: 5:06 PM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Way to go friend. You definitely did the right thing here.


Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”

Posts: 540 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas
LostSamurai
♂ Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you. I also wanted to pointed out I recorded the conversation for safety. Hopefully my WW will really think about her actions and think to herself, I brought this on. My Husband doesn't trust me and I need to prove myself otherwise.


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1029 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you LS and S&S. That helps a lot.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson


Posts: 691 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You did the correct thing. Keep being true to yourself and authentic to your emotions.


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10)

Posts: 1860 | Registered: Nov 2010
LostSamurai
♂ Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She has been cold to me the past couple of days. But that's her choice. I have been just keeping up a positive attitude despite the could shoulder she has given me.

After taking her and my daughter to Philly to the "Please Touch Museum", I took them back to her parents house and then instead of staying I left. I figured, we spent time together and she acted whatever, why stay around to be mistreated anymore.

All this because I confronted OM#2's mother and told her that her son was having an affair with my wife.


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1029 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
MissesJai
♀ Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds to me like she's throwing a temper tantrum with full on pouting and meltdowns. This is all her attempt to emotionally manipulate you. Stay strong, LS. You're doing good.


FWW - 40
I'm big on personal responsibility. Own your shit. ALL OF IT.

Posts: 5765 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
LostSamurai
♂ Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 11:10 AM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I asked for a kiss Saturday, just to engage how she would act towards me and she says "Don't Press Your Luck."

Sunday, after church we are sitting down on the couch and I said, you going to sit close to me, and again, she says "Don't Press Your Luck."

I had to watch myself but I was like, thinking to myself, how dare you say that to me when you put me in this situation.


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1029 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
MissesJai
♀ Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yeah dude, your WW's a cold bitch. Time to let go.


FWW - 40
I'm big on personal responsibility. Own your shit. ALL OF IT.

Posts: 5765 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
Topic Posts: 56
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3

Return to Forum: General Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.