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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Right Now
careerlady
♀ Member
Member # 16958
Sad  Posted: 3:42 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Right now someone else is with my husband. There are like 4 OWs and I shouldn't want any part of it but I can't kick that feeling that he's supposed to be MINE. We used to play video games together and talk although planning to D. This next stage is harder on me than I thought. I came home and relived the nanny a little while ago and he's not here. He'll probably be out all night. I didn't expect to care so much. Part of me is screaming "quick take him back so he won't be with those other women anymore!" But even if I did he would still be with them. That's why we are divorcing

Right now I can't stop worrying about DS. Seems like he won't get evaluated until May. I'm obsessed with researching things to help him talk.

Right now I'm tired of spending all day at work with people telling me how pretty or smart or nice I am. Because it didn't stop me from being cheated on. Nothing was ever good enough to save my family

Right now I want to cry myself to sleep again but I'm so sick of that

Right now I'm feeling sorry for myself. Sorry. Off to find an encouraging thread so I can sleep....


Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!
Summary: http://youtu.be/iaysTVcounI

Posts: 942 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
imwideawake
♀ Member
Member # 23386
Default  Posted: 3:52 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I remember this stage. Even though I knew I couldn't t be married to him any longer, I didn't want him to move on. The thought of him with someone else was really painful. friday nights were the worst, so I joined an adult co-ed soccer league. That got me from sitting around worrying about what he was doing, on those nights at least. It was tough, I held on in certain ways, while pushing through with the divorce process. All I can say is it gets better. It gets easier. I've been separated for 2 & 1/2 years and divorced for 1. I've reached indifference and I don't care what he is up to. You will get there.

[This message edited by imwideawake at 4:18 AM, March 21st (Friday)]


Together 17 years.
Married 15
Me: BW, now 44
Him WH
dday 9/08
3 daughters, now 19, 17, & 15
Divorced 12/04/12

Posts: 893 | Registered: Mar 2009
RedWheelBarrow
♀ Member
Member # 38966
Default  Posted: 4:07 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it's important to allow the sadness in, to give it a voice, to look at it carefully.
Grief has a path. And maybe there's a shortcut, but I haven't found it yet.
I allow myself this indulgence - crying until I am feeling more spent, crying because I cannot change what has happened. It's important to have these "tears of futility" as Gordon Neufeld calls it.
I still feel this way sometimes - knowing Rockstar is with her, and him also knowing how much he hurt me, yet still moving ahead with this deceitful life of his.
((hugs))


Me: BW 50
Him:Rockstar late 50's
DS: 10 , so precious.
Married 14 years, together 17 years
DDay #1 Nov.2012, plus more, more, more!
OW : 25 years younger than him, left her BH for my prize beast.
He moved in with her April,2013.
Divorced!

Posts: 118 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: NW
Caretaker1
♂ Member
Member # 42777
Default  Posted: 6:31 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Same here. I know it's not right and we are divorcing, but I yearn for a supportive partner. Friday and Saturday nights are the worst as she is out with the kids with him.

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2014
Merlin
♂ Member
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 7:06 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Right now, you need to decide that you are better than this.

Right now, you need to decide what you will and won't tolerate.

Right now, you need to take action.


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
GreatRoleModel
♀ Member
Member # 36809
Default  Posted: 7:13 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^^^
This what Merlin said...focus on these short phrases that's what you NEED to do.
You are a great and loving mom, don't forget that.
(((hugs)))


BS (me)
XWS (him) NPD
DIVORCED!!!
It takes a village to deal with the village idiot!

Posts: 360 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: NC
freeatlast72
♀ Member
Member # 42758
Default  Posted: 7:42 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel like this too....for me Sat nights are the worst, since WH has DD6 on Friday nights so I know he isn't going out then.

I also have to see OW at Tball games and my daughter's school....GRRRR.....

It has gotten better since DDay, but I can't wait until the day of indifference!!


BS:41 (me)
WH: 41
Kids: DD6
DDay: 12/31/2013
Married 15 years
Separated as of 01/16/2014,now divorcing...WH did not want to reconcile.

You can't rationalize irrational behavior.


Posts: 135 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: North Carolina
Caretaker1
♂ Member
Member # 42777
Default  Posted: 7:42 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Same here. I know it's not right and we are divorcing, but I yearn for a supportive partner. Friday and Saturday nights are the worst as she is out with the kids with him.

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2014
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Keep busy. Find things that you always wanted to do, but never had time.

It gets infinitely better. I am 6 years out from the D, and I've been at indifference for quite a while.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7765 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
GotPlayed
♂ Member
Member # 41294
Default  Posted: 9:13 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((careerlady))))

Nights alone are indeed the worst. Had a few of those myself. It's the caring too much. I have the kids this weekend and I'm nervous of what she's up to. It doesn't matter. It shouldn't matter. But it's the same question, why do I still care?

Because we took our vows seriously, that's why. But we are no longer beholden to them. This particular feeling is on us now. They don't care so we shouldn't either.

And yes it's hard. My IC keeps insisting I need to let go. WW is on a spiral of self destruction I can't stop. Although it's hard to watch, all I can do is be here for my kids, and the less I worry about her myself the better off the rest of our family will be.


Master of my Fate, Captain of my Soul.
BS 42, WW 41. 18y married
DD: 11/5/13
DS10 Autism, DD8
OM: Reformed wife-beater ex-con
D filed 1/14/14 by WW (never warn them, they'll get ahead)
Married a powder keg

Posts: 755 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: California
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((careerlady))))


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25726 | Registered: Aug 2011
Whalers11
♀ Member
Member # 27544
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I remember those days. It was hell.

I would go online and check to see where he was using his debit card - if it was in his parents' area (another state), I knew he was not with OW. If it was around where we lived, I knew he was with her because he wasn't with me and he had no other friends here. It would devastate me when I saw he was here, with someone else, when he was supposed to be "mine".

Those early days were HELL. The good news is, as time goes on, so do the feelings of caring.

I am 4 years out, and I couldn't give a flying fuck about who he's with, where he's is or what he is doing - as long as he stays far away from me.

You'll get there.


Me: BGF - 33
Together 11+ years - not married, no children.
D-Day: 2/9/2010
OC Born: 10/9/2010
Status: He chose OW/OC and left immediately.

Posts: 2257 | Registered: Feb 2010
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((HUGS)))


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9823 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honour your grief my friend - do not be ashamed of it. That he is not deserving of it is not a factor.

The only way through it is through it.

Let it run its natural course - to won't always feel this way, I promise. I didn't believe it when they said it to me but it's true.

I wish I could give you a big warm hug. I remember this stage and it was so hard. So many broken promises - he was now a stranger to me, virtually overnight. It was hard to accept.

But with acceptance came surrender. I am still mourning what never was - it can be confusing sometimes but I've stopped denying my greiving and I'm now embracing it.

You will too - just got to get through some rough parts first.

((CL))


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 14

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