As we were walking together, DD wanted us all to hold hands so that we could swing her in the air between us, something that we had done when we were out together before we split up. It's a fun little game that she hardly gets to do anymore for obvious reasons. I think that last time she got to do it with me was when my mother and I took her out together during the holidays.
I couldn't say no to her, of course, so I took her hand, and XWW took her other hand and she swung in the air between us over and over again all the way to the car. She was having the time of her life, and I couldn't help myself smiling, but another part of me was building up with anger because I was being reminded of what XWW took away from us.
DD has hardly ever complained about not being able to spend with the two of us anymore, but you could tell from how she reacted when we both came to the school together that she missed it. It just broke my heart.
I've been doing well, but that moment really kicked me in the gut. I'm finding myself particularly sad and bitter tonight. Having that brief reminder of what it was like when we were a family just makes me all the more angry that XWW ripped that away from our daughter. How could she be so selfish?
They are mine. All mine. Those eyes? Mine. Those lips? Mine. That face-shape? Mine. Those hands? Mine. Those funny-looking knees? Mine. Those hugs and kisses? Mine. That quirky sense of humour? Mine. Being the best kids on the planet? All me. Mine.
My big girl told me my twirls are the BEST ever. I hold both of their hands then as we're walking I'll twirl them both at the same time by surprise. They love it. They ask for it all of the time. It's the element of surprise they love the most. It's one of 'our' things.
They also love our bedtime ritual of singing sings and goose bumps (I stroke their arms/bellies/faces until they get goose bumps).
They tell me all of this unsolicited. I could weep with joy when they do.
I get it. Whilst I can only imagine what it felt like to do - I do understand what you're feeling now.
My son. Currently working his way through college. Pretty good job, good grades and a steady relationship. My former step-daughter?(Yes, I tried for custody of her too, XW never allowed me to see her again) 3 DUI's, bankruptcy and 2 engagements broken. (XW currently on probation for 100+k embezzlement)
I was being reminded of what XWW took away from us.
Be happy you're out. If anything, mourn for your DD, that this POS is the mother.
Mother something alright.
We are done.
When STBXH and I do stuff with the kids together, I always end up feeling pissed off at him all over again. I want to scream at him "Were things THAT awful with me that you had to go out and find someone else?? Was THAT worth throwing away family moments that could be happening every day if we weren't getting divorced??"
On the flip side, I think when STBXH goes home after we do something with the kids, he feels pretty fucking awesome about himself. In his mind, he thinks is just great that we can still do things as a 'family', and that it's really wonderful that the kids can still get to have 'family' time and experiences. So, you know, leaving me and the kids for OW wasn't such a big deal after all.
I could cry everytime I think about what was taken away from my poor kids in terms of having a "normal" family. It's not what they deserved and were promised when they were brought into the world.