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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: What happened?
LifeIsBroken
♀ Member
Member # 27071
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Also, I'm curious. Why was the slut fired from the family business ?


BW: 59
XH: 60
Married 34 yrs, LIBerated: 2/17/11
MOW: 50 (she said she wanted a sugar daddy; xh said, "I'M HIM!")
Actions ALWAYS have consequences. Too bad cheaters don't consider the consequences BEFORE they create so much damage.

Posts: 510 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Missouri & Massachusetts
LeftOutintheCold
♀ Member
Member # 42856
Default  Posted: 9:05 PM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks broknheartd - I don't don't know if her H is aware or not. It's been a huge area of debate because he is an alcoholic who loves guns. I am pretty certain he's covered over in her lies too. I don't want anyone killed over this. And there is a back story too. She loves drama. Thrives on it, in fact. She had an affair years ago that caused a big uproar in her family, but they worked it out and are stilled married. I believe she has gotten bored again (as she has been playing with many men besides my WH) and is probably hoping someone tells her husband so that they can have the romantic makeup time again in their lives. I'm torn between telling him or just letting it play out on its own. Either way, my WH will see she's not going to leave her family and home anytime soon. Then again, it's also killing me thinking that she still living in her happy little home with no consequences for what she has done.


Me - 42
WH - 40
Dday - 3/6/14
Married 5yrs, together 11yrs
Status - Headed towards Divorce

Posts: 332 | Registered: Mar 2014
LeftOutintheCold
♀ Member
Member # 42856
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LifeisBroken - she was stealing from the company. Using the company vehicle to run personal errands, which included meeting men for little trysts. They had a gps tracker on her vehicle. Emails and phone records later matched up some of her wanderings...


Me - 42
WH - 40
Dday - 3/6/14
Married 5yrs, together 11yrs
Status - Headed towards Divorce

Posts: 332 | Registered: Mar 2014
cosmicjoke
♀ Member
Member # 39159
Concerned  Posted: 11:31 PM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

<I believe she has gotten bored again (as she has been playing with many men besides my WH) and is probably hoping someone tells her husband so that they can have the romantic makeup time again in their lives.>

EXACTLY! You are keen and insightful.. what an idiot for thinking he should 'follow his heart'.. (excuse me a minute,....... ) by throwing away a partner who was loyal, supportive, and intuitive.. (and strong, as you are already proving to be, I think!) for a piece of vile, low-life trash as that thing. WHAT A FOOL!!! Just from what you described, we already have a pretty good picture of her.. just the fact that she makes a hobby out of screwing tons of guys speaks VOLUMES in itself. So.. what exactly makes your hubby think he's any different...?? So she not only cheats on her husband, but cheats with MULTIPLE guys including married men. And she's a thief to boot. Wow... what a class act. Does he really think he has a prize, here...???
But really, you've described this scumbag so well, I think we all know the type.. and it's so obvious and predictable how this will pan out.. and you already can see it for yourself! As you said, it's just a drama game for her.. your hubby thinks he's all 'in loooove' with this prize.. but for her it's just a sick game and he's such an obvious pawn in her game but he's too dumb to see it. I know these types. They literally get a high from cheating on their partner (and often the partner's doing it as well..) They use other unsuspecting victims to play their sick game & create drama.. they pull them into their mess, ruin lives and make the partner jealous.. which builds up the tension, then those two have a big reunion.. a real hot & heavy make-up/ make-out session. It's like a form of foreplay for them. So sick and juvenile. And sadly these evil women also get off on hurting other women. They feel small, inadequate, and jealous.. and this kind of thing makes them feel more powerful and significant.
But your hubby is too dumb right now to see he's getting sucked up into her/their game. And sadly, YOU are the collateral damage. He is only seeing the short-term gratification, and not the long-term life-changing consequences. He dabbled in danger and now he's hooked on the drug (her). But I will bet anything it'll only last a few more weeks before the thrill is gone. It doesn't last long for adrenaline/drama junkies.
Normally I would chime in with the crowd and say YES absolutely tell the spouse ASAP!! However your case is kind of the exception.. if the husband is fond of booze & has guns...... yeah, probably not a good idea right now as you're right, someone could get killed. (but then again....um, nevermind..)
Anyway I'm so impressed with the amazing advice you've gotten on here from these folks. Sorry you are dealing with this crap that we've all been dealt in some form or another. I bet your hub will feel like the biggest fool in the universe after he's no longer useful to this game-player (which should happen any day now). PLUS, I wouldn't doubt that her hub will find out soon enough anyway.. that is an essential part of the game.
You didn't deserve this.. you weren't a fool, you were an honest, straightfoward person doing what a person should do. Unfortunately this kind of experience makes us all feel like fools....
*hugs*


Posts: 216 | Registered: May 2013
LeftOutintheCold
♀ Member
Member # 42856
Default  Posted: 6:47 AM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

cosmicjoke - You are so right about feeling like a fool!! I just woke up this morning and the first thing I thought of (besides, yep, I'm still alone) is what a fool I am/was!! It's eating away at my gut. I hate waking up most days.

The OW has him so completely under her spell that it is sickening. Oh, and it's MY familys' business that they both work for. She doesn't anymore, but he does. That makes for wonderful days for him. His male coworkers have told him what trash she is and he's told them that they have no right to tell him what to feel. He totally believes that everyone has hated the bitch for no reason at all and all of this they are trying to tell him are just lies. He does not see "her situation" as anything but they (my family) did her wrong, even though they have gps and email proof. I'm not sure he's aware of the emails and I haven't told him that. I so much want to put them under his nose and say "See - we told ya so!!". I haven't seen the emails myself because they are keeping them on their servers in the event I should need them for a D. I can get them via a subpoena. Until then, I will leave them alone so that no one can say they were tampered with. I just hate that I can't have that proof to show him what an idiot he's being. I honestly wish that I had money to burn so that I could hire a private detective to follow her ass and get proof of her behavior. Unfortunately, none of that is going to happen so all I can do is wait on time for it to play itself out on its own.

I did ask my WH the other evening if the OW has left her husband or even told him yet. He wouldn't answer me. I don't know if I hit a nerve or if he just felt like it wasn't any of my business.

Today is my first day of being determined to go 180. Give me strength. I had no choice in his walking away, but I do have a choice on how much more I let him hurt me. I want to heal.


Me - 42
WH - 40
Dday - 3/6/14
Married 5yrs, together 11yrs
Status - Headed towards Divorce

Posts: 332 | Registered: Mar 2014
justinpaintoday
♂ Member
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 7:31 AM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Left Out. My first day determined to go 180 is today also. Will pray we both succeed in healing ourselves. I can tell you 3 months out the pain is still there. It is certainly not as intense as I move through the stages of grief. I get "numb" times which is a relief. My biggest suggestion is IC. Do this. Friends sand family are awesome but a trained professional will help you dig in the tough spots of your heart to truly heal. My IC has been great so far. Not fun but enlightening.


I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
brkn_heartd
♀ Member
Member # 30396
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Left,
While I understand the "drama" and not knowing what the other BS will do, exposure will certain help get light on the situation. I would imagine your WS will be kicked to the curb quickly. However, I also understand not wanting to add the additional issues. I didn't tell other BS, by the time I found this site, over a year had passed, we had moved and I didn't want the OW back in my life. Only you know if you want to disclose. Now...someone else might disclose on your behalf!

On the other hand, if she kicks him to the curb, and he comes back, you need to consider your reaction. I have read many posts where the BS then felt like second choice. You need to be prepared for that. If you file for D, before she kicks him to the curb, you might have your answer quicker. However, once again, totally up to you and the time frame and decisions you are comfortable with.

Is your husband's job in jeopardy due to his antics with the OW at work? Not sure how the family business connects directly (i.e. father, brother, uncle etc). I am assuming they are helping protect you based on the comments of saving the emails on the server for you.

Support being sent your way.


Me-51 BS
Him 58-WS
Married 31 yrs, together 34
Affair Aug-Dec 09
official D-12/14/09
broke NC 1/31/10
second D 3/19/10

Posts: 1652 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Northwesten US
LeftOutintheCold
♀ Member
Member # 42856
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

justinpaintoday - Good luck to you today and each day hereafter!!! This is so not easy!!! I feel like I have a knife in my stomach and it just keeps turning. So far I haven't touched my phone to say anything to him. Let's hope I can keep it up. Hope your day has been good too, with regards to NC.

brkn_heartd - The business belongs to my aunt. My cousins and stepfather work there and the rest are family friends. Right now my WH job is not in jeopardy as they told him that so long as he can continue to do his job, he is welcome to remain there. However, no one talks to him or looks at him except for the few who have to actually work on jobs with him.

Word may eventually get back to the other BS, but I have pretty much come to the conclusion that I'm staying out of it. I'm going with my gut instinct that if I do contact him, I'm playing into her sick game. Karma will hit her and my WH when the time is right. If someone else goes to him in the meantime, oh well. Because believe me, all of my family and other family friends are aware of what has happened and they all know her and her husband. For that, the OW has no one to blame but herself for all these people knowing. She has lost her job and and a lot of her circle of friends because of her actions.

And she has the nerve to say that my family betrayed her... ???? She has some mental problems, but unfortunately, my WH believes every word that comes out of her lying mouth.

Today has been a rough day. I'm finally resigning myself to the reality of the situation and nothing is making me feel better today. Maybe I will consider IC. I have no idea if I can afford it as I'm stretching every penny I have. Again, one day at a time, one breath at a time for me.


Me - 42
WH - 40
Dday - 3/6/14
Married 5yrs, together 11yrs
Status - Headed towards Divorce

Posts: 332 | Registered: Mar 2014
momentintime
♀ Member
Member # 16394
Default  Posted: 1:21 AM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If (when) his A blows up in his face, and it will, remember don't just "let" him come back. He has to earn his way back if you still want him. Let him try to woo you back, and that should take TIME. Date, but don't let him move home. He would need to understand that to take him back YOU are giving HIM a gift. Not something that automatically is his right to come home. He would need to relearn you have value and are one decent, fantastic woman and show you that daily.

If his fantasy takes too long to implode, well get on with the 180 and build a new better life for you. Show him that he didn't break you. That you have value and don't need him to validate you. Be strong, take care of you. Resist the urge to go soft on him...in the long run that course causes him to not respect you as much as he should. Show him you deserve respect whether you are with him or not.


BS-me FWS - him
D-day 8/04
R'd

"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl


Posts: 2986 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: New York
LeftOutintheCold
♀ Member
Member # 42856
Frustrated  Posted: 4:55 AM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks momentintime. This is just so hard right now. I want this to be over. I cannot stand the emptiness in me and around me. However, I'm going to try so hard to be strong because I know that is all I can do. Mornings aren't easy because every time I wake up, it hits me all over again like it's brand new. I want to be sick.


Me - 42
WH - 40
Dday - 3/6/14
Married 5yrs, together 11yrs
Status - Headed towards Divorce

Posts: 332 | Registered: Mar 2014
Topic Posts: 30
Pages: 1 · 2

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