EXACTLY! You are keen and insightful.. what an idiot for thinking he should 'follow his heart'.. (excuse me a minute,....... ) by throwing away a partner who was loyal, supportive, and intuitive.. (and strong, as you are already proving to be, I think!) for a piece of vile, low-life trash as that thing. WHAT A FOOL!!! Just from what you described, we already have a pretty good picture of her.. just the fact that she makes a hobby out of screwing tons of guys speaks VOLUMES in itself. So.. what exactly makes your hubby think he's any different...?? So she not only cheats on her husband, but cheats with MULTIPLE guys including married men. And she's a thief to boot. Wow... what a class act. Does he really think he has a prize, here...???
But really, you've described this scumbag so well, I think we all know the type.. and it's so obvious and predictable how this will pan out.. and you already can see it for yourself! As you said, it's just a drama game for her.. your hubby thinks he's all 'in loooove' with this prize.. but for her it's just a sick game and he's such an obvious pawn in her game but he's too dumb to see it. I know these types. They literally get a high from cheating on their partner (and often the partner's doing it as well..) They use other unsuspecting victims to play their sick game & create drama.. they pull them into their mess, ruin lives and make the partner jealous.. which builds up the tension, then those two have a big reunion.. a real hot & heavy make-up/ make-out session. It's like a form of foreplay for them. So sick and juvenile. And sadly these evil women also get off on hurting other women. They feel small, inadequate, and jealous.. and this kind of thing makes them feel more powerful and significant.
But your hubby is too dumb right now to see he's getting sucked up into her/their game. And sadly, YOU are the collateral damage. He is only seeing the short-term gratification, and not the long-term life-changing consequences. He dabbled in danger and now he's hooked on the drug (her). But I will bet anything it'll only last a few more weeks before the thrill is gone. It doesn't last long for adrenaline/drama junkies.
Normally I would chime in with the crowd and say YES absolutely tell the spouse ASAP!! However your case is kind of the exception.. if the husband is fond of booze & has guns...... yeah, probably not a good idea right now as you're right, someone could get killed. (but then again....um, nevermind..)
Anyway I'm so impressed with the amazing advice you've gotten on here from these folks. Sorry you are dealing with this crap that we've all been dealt in some form or another. I bet your hub will feel like the biggest fool in the universe after he's no longer useful to this game-player (which should happen any day now). PLUS, I wouldn't doubt that her hub will find out soon enough anyway.. that is an essential part of the game.
You didn't deserve this.. you weren't a fool, you were an honest, straightfoward person doing what a person should do. Unfortunately this kind of experience makes us all feel like fools....
The OW has him so completely under her spell that it is sickening. Oh, and it's MY familys' business that they both work for. She doesn't anymore, but he does. That makes for wonderful days for him. His male coworkers have told him what trash she is and he's told them that they have no right to tell him what to feel. He totally believes that everyone has hated the bitch for no reason at all and all of this they are trying to tell him are just lies. He does not see "her situation" as anything but they (my family) did her wrong, even though they have gps and email proof. I'm not sure he's aware of the emails and I haven't told him that. I so much want to put them under his nose and say "See - we told ya so!!". I haven't seen the emails myself because they are keeping them on their servers in the event I should need them for a D. I can get them via a subpoena. Until then, I will leave them alone so that no one can say they were tampered with. I just hate that I can't have that proof to show him what an idiot he's being. I honestly wish that I had money to burn so that I could hire a private detective to follow her ass and get proof of her behavior. Unfortunately, none of that is going to happen so all I can do is wait on time for it to play itself out on its own.
I did ask my WH the other evening if the OW has left her husband or even told him yet. He wouldn't answer me. I don't know if I hit a nerve or if he just felt like it wasn't any of my business.
Today is my first day of being determined to go 180. Give me strength. I had no choice in his walking away, but I do have a choice on how much more I let him hurt me. I want to heal.
On the other hand, if she kicks him to the curb, and he comes back, you need to consider your reaction. I have read many posts where the BS then felt like second choice. You need to be prepared for that. If you file for D, before she kicks him to the curb, you might have your answer quicker. However, once again, totally up to you and the time frame and decisions you are comfortable with.
Is your husband's job in jeopardy due to his antics with the OW at work? Not sure how the family business connects directly (i.e. father, brother, uncle etc). I am assuming they are helping protect you based on the comments of saving the emails on the server for you.
Support being sent your way.
brkn_heartd - The business belongs to my aunt. My cousins and stepfather work there and the rest are family friends. Right now my WH job is not in jeopardy as they told him that so long as he can continue to do his job, he is welcome to remain there. However, no one talks to him or looks at him except for the few who have to actually work on jobs with him.
Word may eventually get back to the other BS, but I have pretty much come to the conclusion that I'm staying out of it. I'm going with my gut instinct that if I do contact him, I'm playing into her sick game. Karma will hit her and my WH when the time is right. If someone else goes to him in the meantime, oh well. Because believe me, all of my family and other family friends are aware of what has happened and they all know her and her husband. For that, the OW has no one to blame but herself for all these people knowing. She has lost her job and and a lot of her circle of friends because of her actions.
And she has the nerve to say that my family betrayed her... ???? She has some mental problems, but unfortunately, my WH believes every word that comes out of her lying mouth.
Today has been a rough day. I'm finally resigning myself to the reality of the situation and nothing is making me feel better today. Maybe I will consider IC. I have no idea if I can afford it as I'm stretching every penny I have. Again, one day at a time, one breath at a time for me.
If his fantasy takes too long to implode, well get on with the 180 and build a new better life for you. Show him that he didn't break you. That you have value and don't need him to validate you. Be strong, take care of you. Resist the urge to go soft on him...in the long run that course causes him to not respect you as much as he should. Show him you deserve respect whether you are with him or not.
"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl