Hey justinpaintoday))) see a consistent theme here?
People are not only telling you to be strong they're telling you how to get strong.
Dobson's "Love Must Be Tough" would be a good read for you. In it, he describes a version of (what we call here) the "180".
Here it is:
http://survivinginfidelity.com/faq_bs.asp#FAQ11
When you read it, study it, and implement it, keep this foremost in your mind:
- it is for you and your healing
- not to be used as a manipulative tool to get her to do anything, to see anything.
The 180 will help you get distance, and you can get more rational about your situation.
I agree with Skan, that you should see a L on Monday, and file for D. BTW, just "do it", and don't tell her you're going to do it.
There are many reasons that this is a good move for you.
- it takes a lot of time to finalize. It is not "done" when you file, you realize that, right? iow, there will be time for her to pull her head out - if it's ever going to happen - but either way, you are on the road to self-protection.
- I like her; "you can keep the house" - bit. Take advantage of that. In time, when she gets her head together with her AP, and the plotting and planning to screw you gets in full swing, it will be too late. You have a "window of opportunity" here. Use it.
- It shows strength. Decisiveness. Guess what women respond to my man? Yep. Those things. Counter-intuitive, I know! It shows you will not tolerate 3 people in the marriage, and in her case, more than 3!
Above all, work on healing yourself. Get distance.
Don't
Even
Think
About
Changing
Her
STOP interacting with her brokenness, you're getting your fingers bloodied. Do not believe for one second, anything that comes out of her mouth! You're unstable? FTN my man! You are the solid one. STOP ALLOWING HER TO ABUSE YOU!
Make your convos about kids and finances only.
Once you "go dark" on her, and firmly set plans in motion to protect yourself,
she might
just might
pull her head out.
(Remember - you can't do that for her)!
Either way, whatever she does - you are not dependent on that - your health, your strength, your integrity and safety will be "being seen to" just fine indeed.
I'm sorry you had to find us. As mean as we can sometimes sound, we really are the nicest people you never wanted to meet brother.
Strength and Honor!