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User Topic: leave them to each other?
hopefulmother
♀ Member
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ever wonder if we should just leave these broken WS to their APs? Just leave all the broken ones to the broken ones, while the BS just go with the other BS out there and make meaningful relationships.

Not that I want to leave mine. It is just that even after 15months...I get so angry at the WS in the Just Found Out Forum.

Anyone else get so angry on their behalf?

Guess the broken ones don't want to stay with each other...just play with each other.


Me-BW 39
WH-39
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends for 20yrs dating since 2000
Married 9yrs with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 923 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: East Coast
honkytonk28
♀ New Member
Member # 41897
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

this is exactly what I did.

my new boyfriend had been cheated on by his last girlfriend so we are incredibly understanding and giving and therapeutic for and with each other. we might not get married but I'm happy (and sad) to find someone who truly knows what it feels like and why we ourselves could never do it.

let the ws have what he 'thought' he wanted. doesn't look like he wants it so much anymore.


Posts: 5 | Registered: Jan 2014
hopefulmother
♀ Member
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you Honkytonk 28!!!


Me-BW 39
WH-39
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends for 20yrs dating since 2000
Married 9yrs with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 923 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: East Coast
FightingBack
♀ Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Leaving them to each other would be the ultimate and most deserving punishment.


Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 724 | Registered: Feb 2012
Wodnships
Member
Member # 42750
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I gave my wife a clear choice the day after D-day. She could stay with me have NC with him immediately, we would go to MC, she would go to IC and work out her personal issues.

Or

She could leave and have him. And she had two weeks to get out of my house. Because I wasn't going to pay for her to figure out how to be with him.

I did add one little argument. If you want to call it that. I told her "Funny thing about running from yourself is when you get there, there you are."

She chose to stay and accept my conditions. If she had chose to leave and go be with him. I was already looking at thank you cards for the guy. As I said in another thread if he could take her away that just means someone else could have. I owe him a thank you for doing in now instead of later.


me: BH 35
Her: WW 28

Married 4 years. Dating 8. Living together 7.

I'm going to make my last stand. This time I can't be bought. Then again on the other hand, how much have you got? - Todd Snider


Posts: 314 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: California
hopefulmother
♀ Member
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So true Wodnships.

In some way, they helped to reveal who we are truly married to.

No matter what, we as BS can escape that. The WS will never be able to escape themselves. Sure, they can continue to live a life of denial but it will blow up one day.


Me-BW 39
WH-39
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends for 20yrs dating since 2000
Married 9yrs with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 923 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: East Coast
Catwoman
♀ Member
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 6:51 PM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My ex chose the affair partner. Moved in with her and her children (and never told me he had moved) long before the divorce was final.

It didn't just end, it imploded. He hates her even more than he hates me, which is saying something.

Two broken, deceitful people with bad boundaries do not a stable relationship make.

However, I cringe when I hear other BSs believe that finding another BS is the Holy Grail of dating. It isn't. I briefly dated on BS and found there was just too much hurt for things to work between us. I dated another who cheated on me. There are quite a few mad hatters here, which leads me to believe this happens more than we care to think. Personally, I would rather cast my lot with a WS who had done the hard work on themselves and really learned and grew from dealing and healing from the consequences of their actions than with a BS who has only their "BS-hood" to recommend them.

Cat


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29543 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
LeftOutintheCold
♀ Member
Member # 42856
Default  Posted: 7:01 PM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

While right now I want nothing more than my WH to be back home with me, I truly believe that the WS's are deserving of one another.

Two married people cheating on their spouses with each other will get all that they deserve - unhappiness and no trust in each other. I mean, I would think when you enter into a "relationship" under lies and deceit, wouldn't you, at one point, wonder if the other person is being true to them?


Me - 42
WH - 40
Dday - 3/6/14
Married 5yrs, together over 10
Status - still separated

Posts: 325 | Registered: Mar 2014
AndreaL
♀ Member
Member # 41522
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My mother did this with my father, and lets just say my dad and his AP lasted seconds, before he came begging back, and my mother told him to f$&? Off!


Me:35
Hubby:38
Kids ages: 2 and 5
Married: 8 years
DDAY: Dec 1 2013
Affair: 2 months EA and PA
Status: Separted. Sigh...I wish I could forgive 😞

Update: attempting to reconcile


Posts: 175 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Canada
Jduff
♂ Member
Member # 41988
Default  Posted: 12:06 AM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've read and heard stories of WSs and APs running off into the sunset together... Only to get burned by the sun in the end. I smile when I read or hear about those.

I'm dating a BW who had been long past her own dday and healing and it is been an incredible relationship for us. However, two "recently" made BS is likely not a good idea. Maybe just as friends for support.

Mine was patient with me, but there were a lot of other factors that's making our relationship work.


Divorced - 5/23/14
Already in my New Beginning - :)

Posts: 405 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: texas
stillhere09
♀ Member
Member # 24924
Default  Posted: 6:11 AM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I could have written honkytonk's response.

I left my WH to his AP - finally. After I left, she moved in. I'm sure it was a dream come true for both of them. It lasted less than a month before she was moving out and both of them screaming at each other, so my neighbor said. I was in NC with him.


Me-50 BW
Him-55,STBXWH

Walk a Mile In My Shoes
Married 14 yrs. Now Separated & in NC
2 grown DD's - his from previous M
4 grown kids (2DS, 2DD) mine from previous M


Posts: 3020 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Ohio
Hoops
♀ Member
Member # 22721
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine didn't leave for the OW but I am long divorced, and much happier for it! But the OW left her first H for her affair partner and they got married.

The OW, let's call her Whoreable, was first married to Sap. Whoreable cheats on Sap with Sludge. Sludge and Whoreable get married (ironically his last name is Gross ..... his ironic from both ends!). Sludge cheats on Whoreable ...... who ever would have seen that coming!!!! They had recently broken up up when she and my ex, Creepy, befriend one another. Sludge thought Whoreable was too much of a bitch to live with this is a direct quote from her email to Creepy (which I have). Amazing!

To add a little more to the story, she was all about going to church and acting like she was just this really great person and kept telling Creepy what a great guy he was and how admirable it was that he was going home to try to work it out with his wife. And one of the other classic lines between the two of the ..... they met at some church sponsered fair ..... they joked about how maybe "church name" was the patron saint of torrid affairs and they could meetup next year!!! Looking back I just laugh, what morons!!!!

I am surprised the church doors didn't explode in flames every time she entered.

Don't know where either of them are in life but I am not really sorry they did it. I learned a lot and am grateful for where I am now. And they have to live with themselves.

For me it a worked out in the end.


BW (Me) 44
W(ex)H 46 .... SA, Alcoholic, compulsive liar
DD 12-03-08
Divorced: 9-14-10
Now: Happily married to a great guy who has the same birthday as my DD! Ironic. Now it is just my husband's birthday.

Posts: 294 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Va
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 8:39 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh boy, I told my ws to go move in with her and I told her to come get em cuz he wasn't taking my truck. Neither one took the advice, just chose to sneak around instead. I bet they coukdnt stand each other if they didn't have me to blame for blocking their love.
As far as bs going with another bs...I personally don't think I would be good dating material. I don't even trust the trustworthy's


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 4741 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
TheBestMe
♀ Member
Member # 39476
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I told H to go be with AP they deserved each other. He looked at me like I said something that was so crazy As if the thought of living with her was unimaginable.


ME Doing Better
WH Trying As Best He Can
Married 23 years
Status: Working towards friendship
D Day #1 - 2007 My gut told me
D Day #2 - 2010 His D told me
D Day #3 - 1/11/2013 OW Confirmed
LTA 7 years

Both feet pointed forward; positive


Posts: 385 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Inner Peace
Topic Posts: 14

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