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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Confronted
Mrsmarsi3
New Member
Member # 42799
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I know I should not have done it but I just went to my husbands work and introduced myself to the 26year old he was seeing,(he is her boss and he is 49). She works in a deli and low and behold she called my number. I thought she was going to faint when I said hi, I am Bills wife. Then when I left I sent her a text that told her this was her only warning and if they continue to have anything other that a professional relationship from this day on I would bring all of the phone records and the pictures she sent his phone to her district manager. She had the nerve to tell my husband to handle his own problems. And to that I responded the minute you involved yourself with a married man you became my problem...then I called her a whore. I thought my husband was going to faint when he saw me there, too. So now here comes the guilt again because she looked like a nice kid.

Posts: 8 | Registered: Mar 2014
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nice kids don't screw other women's husbands. Obviously, looks can be deceiving.

Well, time will only tell if it was a wise move or not, but I have to tell you that I admire your gumption. And frankly, I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall during THAT confrontation!

So now, what's your plan? Are you going to be able to track his conversations with her electronically? Are you going to demand that he find another job? Are you going to demand that he goes to HR and tells them that he can no longer work with her in any capability? Having had the satisfaction of telling off the OW to her face (and to your WHs), what do you see as happening next?

(((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4915 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 5:24 PM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dont feel guilty she probably had to go change her britches. I bet I she really is a nice kid that will be te last time se screws a married man. She should also be thanking god that you acts rationally.

Now it's time for you to assemble your plan of action. Stay strong and focus on you.

(((( and strength ))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8680 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Mousse242
♀ Member
Member # 6330
Default  Posted: 5:39 PM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He needs to start looking for another job. Now.

Posts: 5473 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: Chicago
Mrsmarsi3
New Member
Member # 42799
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for the support. The only plan of action I have is that she is supposed to be moving to another location very soon, like a month or so I am just waiting on that. He can't look for another job. He has been at this one for 25 years, it is not an option for him to leave, but I did tell him she has to. He still claims they never had sex, only kissed twice at work, that they were only really good friends, whatever, whatever. I asked him again to just tell the truth about their feelings but he still denies it being physical. I can verify by our cell records he has not heard from her since the 6th. Time will tell if he can prove himself. Right now I am just trying to keep a full meal down still, but actually seeing her stupid face did make me feel better.

Posts: 8 | Registered: Mar 2014
twisted
♂ Member
Member # 8873
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How much evidence did you have to begin with? How did you find out or suspect?


"Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

Posts: 900 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: Oklahoma
Mrsmarsi3
New Member
Member # 42799
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Suspected for about 3 months, he was always worried about how he looked at work, whenever he talked about work it was always about her and he was irritated at home all the time. Even before I saw the 2800 texts and long phone calls I knew deep inside who it was.

Posts: 8 | Registered: Mar 2014
veronique12
♀ Member
Member # 42185
Default  Posted: 1:42 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can verify by our cell records he has not heard from her since the 6th.

Phone records don't necessarily provide all details on contact. Look for apps like viber, kik, whatsapp, etc that don't show up on your cell phone bill. My H and OW used those a lot. I noticed a month long gap in their texting and phone calls when I looked at our bill. H admitted he started using those apps so details wouldn't show up on our bill. Not saying that your H is using these but a 26 y/o would probably know a lot about these types of apps, so just be aware.


BW: me (38)
WH: 43
OW: false "friend"
D-Day: 11/29/13 (4 month EA discovered); 12/19/13 (discovered was also PA); TT thru 2/14
Married: 2001; Together for nearly 20 years
2 beautiful young kids

Posts: 535 | Registered: Jan 2014
Mrsmarsi3
New Member
Member # 42799
Default  Posted: 2:39 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you. What I really want is the damn pictures he deleted . He keeps telling me they were nothing but you know the deal, if they were nothing why delete them? I did find an app that might help me pull them up deleted pic on his android cell.I am going to try it tonight .

Posts: 8 | Registered: Mar 2014
kansas1968
♀ Member
Member # 32214
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A 26 year old is not a kid and she certainly is not nice. Nice people do not screw other peoples spouses. It is just as well that she learns right now that their are consequenses for her actions. The consequenses she has suffered so far are pretty mild compared to what they could be.

You have nothing to be ashamed about. Nothing.
Hugs.


Me - BS
Him - FWS
DD - December 14, 2010
Married 43 years 1/14/2011
Affair lasted 7+ years
Affair had been over for 2 years before I found out. OW sent me a letter.

Posts: 1319 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Kansas
whattheh
♀ Member
Member # 40032
Default  Posted: 4:30 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No you were right the first time... she's a whore not a nice kid.


BW- mid 50's (me)
fWH-late 50's
M 33 T 35
DD-Early 2013 PA 2010
In R but I have PTSD...

Posts: 563 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
yme32313
♀ Member
Member # 42091
Default  Posted: 4:32 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's classic!!! Great job facing that little whore.


Me: 31
H: 55
Dated: Aug. 2003 M: Mar. 2013
Cheated: While dating

Posts: 181 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New Mexico
Stillstings
♀ Member
Member # 36549
Default  Posted: 5:15 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He can't look for another job. He has been at this one for 25 years, it is not an option for him to leave, but I did tell him she has to.

If he fires her just based on their inappropriate behavior, this could get very ugly and blow up in his face. Especially if there is something in the employee handbook about upper management having inappropriate relationships with subordinates.

After experiencing co-workers suffer from shit where you eat syndrome, chances are this is no secret amongst the staff.


Love yourself. You're worth it. Face your self. You need to do it.

Posts: 367 | Registered: Aug 2012
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 5:19 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Of course it's an option for him to leave his job. He knew going IN to his affair it was a very real possibility that he'd have to do so.

He doesn't want to. But it IS an option, and may be the only viable one.

Why? Because he fucked a subordinate, and places himself and employer at enormous legal risk if she's terminated.

It's time for him to start thinking of his REAL options, not what he would prefer, or fantasize.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8827 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Kelany
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It can get ugly. My husband was a restaurant GM who had affairs with 4 employees. When he tried for a 5th she turned him in to HR and he was fired for sexual harassment.

He was a stellar GM with a long career with them aside from his sexual career.

All employees knew. It was on camera. He should resign.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
Mrsmarsi3
New Member
Member # 42799
Default  Posted: 6:26 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear everyone, but we are so entwined with this company alot of family down to my 11 year old would suffer and be humiliated if this were to ever get out and he was fired. I believe she should be gone in a couple of weeks. I can't heal until she is gone. He still swears they only kissed twice, I ask everyday and the answer is still the same. Says they were never physically intimate. Today was not a good day, thinking about counseling, I think I might need it

Posts: 8 | Registered: Mar 2014
Stillstings
♀ Member
Member # 36549
Default  Posted: 6:55 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear everyone, but we are so entwined with this company alot of family down to my 11 year old would suffer and be humiliated if this were to ever get out and he was fired. I believe she should be gone in a couple of weeks.

So he needs to bow out, and go NC with this girl before this gets escalated. He does not get to fire someone to cover his own ass. While she was a willing player in the wrong, he chose to abuse his power and should be held accountable.

As I and others mentioned above, this is probably already being discussed amongst other people. Been there, done that.


Love yourself. You're worth it. Face your self. You need to do it.

Posts: 367 | Registered: Aug 2012
Kelany
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 7:15 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he gets fired or not, is out of your control...unless he resigns first. Otherwise, this getting out may not be your choice.

He took this risk by making the choice to get involved with an employee. She can say he coerced her. They will open an investigation. If there is no "proof" she acted willingly? They will side with her to cover the companies ass.

He should have thought of this consequence first. He made a choice without caring about the risk of his job or family.

I get it, I lived it, and still deal with the aftermath 20 months later. I understand the sheer fear.

Just prepare yourself for her not to leave quietly.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
Kelany
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 7:17 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Also, why should only she suffer the consequence of losinga job? They both engaged in an affair, went against company policy. However, as her boss? He had even more rresponsibility to not engage in an affair and adhere to company policy. Why does he get away without consequences?


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
Topic Posts: 19

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