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User Topic: Washington mudslide...brother and sil among the missing
IrishLass518
♀ Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 9:08 PM, April 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We are all right here for you whenever you need us. I am so very sorry for all your family is going through. So sorry that your nieces think that money will assuage the pain of losing their parents. (((Phoenix)))


Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1754 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, April 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Phoenix)))

I find myself thinking about you, and all that you are currently dealing with frequently. I hope that your family is given some peace, and relief from your brothers debtors.
I also pray that you are able to get some closure soon. The fact that the whole community is going through the same thing has to be a tiny bit of a comfort.

Know that we are all sending you strength.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8506 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
cantbelieve
♀ Member
Member # 22028
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, April 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I pray each day for you and your family. I hope at some point you can find closure. Hugs and prayers.


Me: BS (58)
Him: WS (58)
LTA 4 years with co-worker
DS(26)
DD(23)
DD(20)
Married 29 years
D-day1 5/08
D-day2 11/08
Status: 6 yrs and wondering if I'll ever be truly happy again

Posts: 1064 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: DFW
hexed
♀ Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, April 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((phoenix)))

thinking about you today


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8440 | Registered: Apr 2008
Phoenix1
♀ Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, April 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DS is back onsite again today, and his superiors on base let him take off time to go (they have been exceptionally good to him in that regard, for the military). The waters have receded further, but they are expecting rain by tomorrow, and Friday is the last time for family members/volunteers to help as they are going to begin moving in heavy equipment into the site.

Looks like nieces are in agreement to let me be Executor without a fight, but we stand in legal limbo until there is a death certificate for my brother since everything is in his name. They are saying the recovery efforts could go on for five more months...

It was interesting yesterday. As I mentioned previously, I had called bro's work and talked to the President of the company on Monday about having DS pick up bro's personal effects and my insistence on having DS be the one to go thru everything first as I was looking for any info that might lead to a Will. The President understood clearly what I was saying and offered to go thru bro's stuff personally and let me know if he found anything that might be useful. He did, called me back, and that is one of the open avenues I am working right now. Later that afternoon, oldest niece and SIL's bro were at the company for the sole purpose of finding out how they get their hands on bro's life insurance and 401k. Quite a disparity in goals. I am calling only interested in his Will, niece is there only interested in how fast they can get the money. The President called me to let me know they were there. Niece and her uncle asked if they could pick up bro's personal effects. President told them "no" and wouldn't even let them in his office because "they (the company) need time to retrieve all the pertinent business items first." Of course, that is a smoke screen and my DS has the green light to pick up everything and go thru all docs as soon as he is able. They are even willing to meet him after hours due to his military commitments, if necessary. Was glad the company President saw the writing on the wall and ran interference for me... little things like that help a lot, especially since I am so far away.

My phone (voice and text), email, and FB messaging have been blowing up daily and it is almost a full time job just staying on top of that. And I still have three jobs to fulfill as well as other daily life issues. Tired much? Yeah...


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1098 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
DeadMumWalking
♀ Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, April 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Phoenix))))

Sending you more strength, I'm so sorry for all the distress this is causing.

It's great that DS is able to do so much, and that the company president is on top of things on that end.

((((Phoenix))))


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 24 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 29
Dday: Dec 2008
Limbo-ish, again (after multiple S) -- weighing my options

Posts: 2587 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
Pentup
♀ Member
Member # 20563
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, April 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Continuing to pray for you. praying that the right people to help keep paving your path In peace.


Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)

Posts: 6583 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Not Oz
Undefinabl3
♀ Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, April 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Later that afternoon, oldest niece and SIL's bro were at the company for the sole purpose of finding out how they get their hands on bro's life insurance and 401k.

So, I realize that you know these people better then we do, but if something happened to DH, my first question would be 'how long does it take to get the life insurance and retirement' Not because I am secretly hoping for him to keel and i am greedy, but I would need that money to pay the bills and to keep food in our mouths. My check is not enough at all to cover all of it. I would rely heavly on the insurances and his retirement.

While i hope that this is the case for them, and not just that they will get money - time will tell.

I send you so much strength to get through this. You have shown incredible strength and grace so far, I simply can not imagine the stress.

((Phoenix)))


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1729 | Registered: Sep 2012
Phoenix1
♀ Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, April 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not because I am secretly hoping for him to keel and i am greedy, but I would need that money to pay the bills and to keep food in our mouths.

If it were his spouse or minor children, yes, that would be the case. However, that is not the case. Nieces are adults that have been out on their own for quite some time, unfortunately. They are both into drugs, one severely, which drives many of their poor choices. Very sad.


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1098 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
ajsmom
♀ Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, April 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The actions of your nieces continue to amaze me and not in a good way. Greed is such an evil monster.

I'm so sorry the bulk of the dealings in all of this is falling on your shoulders. Perhaps when the news can be shared with SIL's family, you can have some alliance with them and some help on all that still needs to be done.

Is there any chance one of them may have a copy of the will?

Oh, and two thumbs up for your brother's Prez. He sounds like a great guy.

Continued prayers to all of you.


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21051 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
DixieD
♀ Member
Member # 33457
Default  Posted: 4:06 PM, April 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Phoenix)))

I'm sorry for your loss and everything you are going through.


Growing forward

Posts: 1767 | Registered: Sep 2011
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 8:54 PM, April 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm praying for you each day. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4804 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Phoenix1
♀ Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 12:03 AM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Got updates from DS from today's search. He found many items that he could identify - kayak, four wheeler, pillows, etc. that he could definitively identify as belonging to bro. He even found what was left of bro's truck, which is only the frame with one mangled wheel attached. He also found the flag that bro had flying in front of his house. He washed it off tenderly and put it on a branch on top of where bro's house was so it could fly proudly. They found no further intact bodies, but enough body parts that, collectively, could represent four more whole bodies. He said that is all the cadaver dogs are finding right now.

If the mangling of the truck was not representative enough of the force, he also said they found a deer carcass that was completely skinned, as if someone took a knife and skinned it. The force of the slide completely ripped off the hide. Thus, as DS said, no one caught outside had a chance, and we are fairly certain bro was outside at the time. At least I can take comfort in knowing they likely died quickly.

Some clarification was obtained in that after Friday, when heavy equipment moves in, ONLY family members will be allowed in the area, no other volunteers. DS intends to keep going back, and the Red Cross is going to try to get him a gas card to help with his fuel costs in travelling. I guess DS has been a wealth of information for FEMA because he knows the area so well, and FEMA is working off of old information. He is telling them were houses were located that they do not have on their maps. Needless to say, they want him there, which is why the Red Cross is offering to help with his fuel costs to get there.

Apparently, the FBI and FEMA are now his new best buds. DS had bought and installed a motion sensitive camera in a tree that he had put in front of bro's house to help bro capture stills and video footage of a nuisance beaver that was tearing up the place. Though currently under water, the stand of trees it was in are still standing, and DS could identify them. FBI and FEMA want that footage as the camera MAY have been pointed at the actual slide. It may be the actual footage of the slide. They were at DS's side all day pinpointing the area, and they are planning to bring divers into the area with the hope that, though underwater, the camera is still attached to the intact tree. The camera is in a waterproof case. Any way, we will have to see how that plays out. Needless to say, the FBI and FEMA are now my DS's new best friends. It is possible the camera was ripped off the tree with the force. And it is still under at least 20 - 25 ft of water.

DS said he feels better about being out at the site, and it makes him feel good to help. This is bringing him a tremendous sense of closure, and for that I am eternally grateful. He sounds really good on the phone. I am SO thankful he wasn't there as planned when this happened!

He is also going to keep looking for the safe that bro kept all important documents in. There is always a chance it will be uncovered with the extensive excavation that is going on. Bro's Will is in that safe. They found a large gun safe, and even though the door was partially removed and it was full of water and mud, all guns were still inside. They were able to determine the owner so it could be turned over to his brother. Everything removed from the site must first go through extensive decontamination though as everything is heavily contaminated with septic contents, propane, petroleum products, chemicals, etc. It is quite a toxic mess.

Though I am starting the legal fallout process as Executor of bro's estate, we are still hopeful that something(s) will be found that will be beneficial in some way, whether legally or through emotional closure.

This is going to go on for a very long time, but I am glad DS is there to be actively involved, and he is willing to be involved on a positive note.

More rambling. Sorry. Just so much happening...


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1098 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 12:12 AM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Phoenix))) I didn't realize that your son was supposed to be there when it happened. I'm so thankful he wasn't.

It sounds like you raised an amazing son! I'm glad he's able to help and to gain some closure.

I have to admit that I don't really know what to say in such a horrific, unimaginable situation. Just know that we're here for you.


Posts: 11670 | Registered: Mar 2008
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:14 AM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Phoenix1)))

Checking in every day to see how your family is doing.

I can attest to how therapeutic it can be to help in times or tragedy. You must be very proud of your son. I'm glad that these organizations are letting him know how much they value him.


I bow to those who keep their hearts open when it is most difficult, those who refuse to keep their armor on any longer than they have to, those who recognize the courage at the heart of vulnerability. - Jeff Brown

Posts: 17321 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Phoenix1
♀ Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 12:36 AM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I didn't realize that your son was supposed to be there when it happened. I'm so thankful he wasn't.

DS went out there almost every weekend bro was there, and that weekend was no different. There happened to be a last minute shift change for DS that kept him and his buddy from going out Friday night, which was the usual routine. That shift change saved their lives. DS was on the phone with bro about a half hour before the slide hit and bro was teasing DS about how nice the weather was, fishing was excellent, and DS should be there to enjoy it with him. That was bro's last communication. So this could have been so much more tragic! That truly would have killed me, and I was a mess until I knew DS was safe.


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1098 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
hill
Member
Member # 12166
Default  Posted: 7:48 AM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Phoenix)))

I continue to think of you and your family. What an amazing son you have.


Posts: 3152 | Registered: Sep 2006
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Phoenix,

Sending hugs and peace today.

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5078 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
jadedheart
♀ Member
Member # 32046
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

praying every day for strength, peace, and guidance for you, your DS, and all those still waiting for answers. How proud you must be of your son! In a time of tragedy he is showing the same strength and character that you display in all your posts. That apple did not fall far from the tree. I admire you both!


Me 45
FWH 47
DS11, DD18, DS21(they know nothing about A)
Married 23 years together 25
Dday 09/24/2010
"You can't control how others behave, you can only control your reaction."

Posts: 980 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Indiana
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Phoenix, your continued journey is just amazing. I know this is so very hard for you, but you are doing so well.

It is really fascinating what your son is experiencing. I am glad the authorities are using him in a productive manner, instead of shooing him off. While I am sure it is hard for him, it is probably helping him in untold ways.

Many blessings to you all as you continue along this path.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6442 | Registered: Jan 2011
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