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User Topic: Washington mudslide...brother and sil among the missing
peacelovetea
♀ Member
Member # 26071
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Phoenix, I am in the area, so am constantly seeing the footage and thinking of you. You are so strong and I hope that as you are taking care of everything and everyone else, that you have someone taking care of you. {{hugs}}


BW, SAHM
D-Day: 6/5/09, drunken ONS on business trip, confessed immediately, transparent, remorseful but emotionally clueless
M 11 years, 3 kids
4/12 Tried to R for 3 years, have decided to D
12/31/12 D final

Posts: 542 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: PacNW
Phoenix1
♀ Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As you all have mentioned, I am so incredibly proud of DS and the way he is handling the tragic events and himself. I can't always talk to him on the phone due to his hectic schedule, but I sent him a text a few days ago to express, from my heart, just how proud I was of him and how so many others have seen first hand how he has risen from the occasion to show strength and character way beyond his years. He responded and said that with all the texts he has been receiving since this began, that one meant the most to him and he could easily see the sincerity in it and it touched him deeply. He went on to tell me he was not trying to do anything exceptional, just doing what he knew had to be done, and he felt some guidance from his uncle and knew he would be proud of him as well. Brought me to tears, but I am glad he knew I truly meant what I was saying. Even with his tough as nails exterior honed in the military, he really is a soft pile of goo on the inside, and still my little boy.

I have also been ruminating about some famous "mom-isms" my mother used to say to me on a regular basis. Three of her most oft used were: 1) this too shall pass, 2) it is what it is, and 3) don't sweat the small stuff.

The first two helped me get past her death a few years ago, and they guided me through my divorce as well. I think of them often now as I travel down this path I did not plan or wish to go down. She was a very down to earth and pragmatic sort of person. The third one I have used throughout my life when I stop and think about times I have fallen into the trap of making mountains out of mole hills. It helps me gain perspective. I use that one with my kids often when drama over trivial issues rears its ugly head. It now has so much more meaning to me and especially to my kids. We never know when our time is up, and wasting our energy on "the small stuff" is truly a waste when it could be put to much better use. My children now see first hand that life can end in the blink of an eye, and that "small stuff" of every day life is simply not worth getting in an uproar over. They are learning, but they are still young. This tragedy really brought it home.

Hug and kiss your loved ones often and tell them you love them. Death is part of life. And though we all are in no hurry to reach the inevitable conclusion of our mortal existence, you just never know when it is your time. Loved ones can be ripped from you instantly, and it makes you regret the woulda, coulda, shoulda moments that were missed. Those thoughts cross my mind with my brother today, and I have many regrets in that regard. But, as my mother would say to me, it is what it is...

Feeling a little melancholy today.


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,18 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1189 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
MissesJai
♀ Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 6:11 PM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Phoenix, my heart hurts for you. All I can do is (((Phoenix & family)))


FWW - 41
"Don't think first about the risks of speaking up. Think first about the risks of not speaking up." ~ Kerry Patterson

Posts: 5976 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Phoenix)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4928 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
hexed
♀ Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((phoenix))

you're attitude is inspiring. i think i know where your DS gets it.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8459 | Registered: Apr 2008
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 10:46 PM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sure your brother knew he was deeply loved and appreciated by you. We could always do more to be better about acknowledging the bonds of love, whether in spending more time together or reaching out more often, but I have no doubts that he knew how much you valued your connection with him and felt blessed that you had each other. And now that you have lost him, I know that he will still live on strongly in your memory as well as in the memory of your DS. Cherish the good times and forgive yourself any lapses. You were both truly lucky to have such a strong sibling bond.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
BelleStar
♀ Member
Member # 13515
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((phoenix)))

Your strength and compassion have me in awe.


Posts: 1127 | Registered: Feb 2007
hexed
♀ Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((phoenix)))

thinking of you. hope you're ok today.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8459 | Registered: Apr 2008
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Phoenix)))


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8844 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 7:10 AM, April 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Phoenix)))

How awful your nieces/others are behaving. That's disappointing on a level beyond reasoning. I'm so sorry.


As I was reading about all that your DS is doing, I just kept thinking that he is having that "time" in his life. The before and after time that changes who you are deep inside. I'm sure it's immensely cathartic for him, but he is also helping others (recovery of victims) and helping the community on the whole. He may have footage of the slide. Really? How incredible would that be? Think about the ramifications that could have for future community planning...

Your son is making a significant impact on the WORLD right now. Not many people get that opportunity. He is embracing it and stepping up. Something tells me this tragedy is the beginning of great things for him.

Sending you strength and patience during this time with all the hugs you need.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
fraeuken
♀ Member
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, April 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Phoenix)), so sorry you have to go through this. Sending prayers and strenght.


Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1260 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 8:29 PM, April 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so so sorry Phoenix1.


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2271 | Registered: Oct 2012
lynnm1947
♀ Member
Member # 15300
Default  Posted: 10:29 AM, April 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Phoenix1,I cannot even begin to imagine what you are feeling. It defies imagination. I am so so sorry, and hope everything resolves the way you wish. And kudos to your son for helping every way he can. He is a credit to your upbringing.


Age: 64..ummmmmmm, no...............65....no...oh, hell born in 1947. You figure it out!

"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks


Posts: 7284 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Toronto, Canada
AgainandAgain
♀ Member
Member # 34835
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, April 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am still very much thinking of you and your family. I'm also still saying many prayers for you and your family. I can not fathom how you are feeling. Just know every time I read of this or watch on tv my first thought is of you.

((((((((((((Phoenix1 and family))))))))))

[This message edited by AgainandAgain at 2:58 PM, April 7th (Monday)]


Posts: 232 | Registered: Feb 2012
Phoenix1
♀ Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, April 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you everyone.

Brother and SIL are still officially on the missing list, which stands at 17 as of the latest release. Still no official word on identification of SIL.

DS had a tough weekend emotionally, especially Saturday. He was alone as all his friends/co-workers were gone or unavailable. He chose not to go out to the site on Saturday, and we spent a lot of time talking on the phone. We were talking about some of the sentimental items that were gone (the thought about lost "stuff" just entered my mind for the first time on Sat) and I asked him what he had stored in the house (there was a locked storage room I know he kept stuff in because he was always out there). He told me he basically lost everything, except his truck and motorcycle that weren't there. He kept all his belongings there because he has no room in the barracks and he spent all his time there anyway: all his fishing stuff, his dirt bike equipment, his brand new mountain bike he only rode twice, all his expensive welding equipment, all his specialty truck tools, etc. All gone, and no insurance to help him out. My nieces are going to walk away with a large sum of money, and DS just gets dumped on even more. My heart breaks for him. Stuff can be replaced, and he knows it. But this is still tough for a 20 yr old that worked so hard for what he had. He then made a statement that about killed me: "I just want to come home, mom. There is nothing left for me here." He then started blowing up my phone with pics of him and his uncle doing various things together. It was obviously a very painful moment for him. I told him when he does get home (he gets out of the military for good in July) that he can help me put together a picture collage of the family using some of his wonderful pictures for a Christmas present for my dad. He thought that was a great idea and said he would love to do it for his grandpa. At least that gave him something else to think about for a few minutes...

We were then talking about the nieces, and the old adage was never so true about actions speaking louder than words. DS drives out to the site regularly, which is a 240 mile round trip for him every time he goes. He has been out there many times, starting on the day of the incident. My nieces live about 40 miles away and have not been out to the site once, nor have they offered to help in any way. It is just so very sad.

And so I sit in my legal limbo due to lack of death certificates, trying to help DS get thru this day by day with a giant hole in my heart.


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,18 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1189 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
abbycadabby
♀ Member
Member # 27428
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, April 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Phoenix1 and family)))

I have no words and anything I could think up to say would seem so small in comparison to the enormity you face right now. Thoughts and prayers with you during this time.


Posts: 1272 | Registered: Feb 2010
InnerLight
♀ Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, April 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear Phoenix, just want to send you strength. I am so sorry for your loss and the pain for your family. My prayers for you and your DS.
-Inner Light


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5857 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
BrokenPieces
♀ Member
Member # 7685
Default  Posted: 11:37 PM, April 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Phoenix.. ((((HUGE HUGS))) to you sweetie. We have a friend who is still on the missing list. Every day is a waiting game to see if his body has been recovered. It is all so horrible. I'm praying for your family and so indebted to your amazing son for all he is doing to help.


BS-40
Red Headed Imps 10 & 8
DDay 1/05
Divorce final 6/21/06
My new life is GRAND.
Married my new beginning 6/09

Posts: 2290 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: Greater Seattle Area
circe
♀ Member
Member # 6687
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh gosh, Phoenix, your son is so strong, but he's still a 20 year old handling the job of 10 men. Of course he's mourning his possessions as part of the whole part of his life that vanished and smashed that day. I cried reading what he wrote to you. He's got so much to process and it's horrible that your nieces aren't contributing or even just being there for him. Your idea about the collage for your dad was such a loving one, as it gave your DS the ability to go through his pictures and his memories "for grandpa".

((((Hugs)))) to your family, and especially you and your DS.


Posts: 3194 | Registered: Mar 2005
Pentup
♀ Member
Member # 20563
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just want to tell you that I continue to keep you and your family in my prayers. Your strength and grace are an inspiration. Your sons courage and strength in untenable circumstances is a beacon of what is right.

I wish I was rich so I could anonymously replace all his possessions just as a thank you for his service to the country, to the people of this town and to your family.


Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)

Posts: 6605 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Not Oz
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