I have also been ruminating about some famous "mom-isms" my mother used to say to me on a regular basis. Three of her most oft used were: 1) this too shall pass, 2) it is what it is, and 3) don't sweat the small stuff.
The first two helped me get past her death a few years ago, and they guided me through my divorce as well. I think of them often now as I travel down this path I did not plan or wish to go down. She was a very down to earth and pragmatic sort of person. The third one I have used throughout my life when I stop and think about times I have fallen into the trap of making mountains out of mole hills. It helps me gain perspective. I use that one with my kids often when drama over trivial issues rears its ugly head. It now has so much more meaning to me and especially to my kids. We never know when our time is up, and wasting our energy on "the small stuff" is truly a waste when it could be put to much better use. My children now see first hand that life can end in the blink of an eye, and that "small stuff" of every day life is simply not worth getting in an uproar over. They are learning, but they are still young. This tragedy really brought it home.
Hug and kiss your loved ones often and tell them you love them. Death is part of life. And though we all are in no hurry to reach the inevitable conclusion of our mortal existence, you just never know when it is your time. Loved ones can be ripped from you instantly, and it makes you regret the woulda, coulda, shoulda moments that were missed. Those thoughts cross my mind with my brother today, and I have many regrets in that regard. But, as my mother would say to me, it is what it is...
Feeling a little melancholy today.
This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet
D-Day, June 10, 2012
you're attitude is inspiring. i think i know where your DS gets it.
“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler
Your strength and compassion have me in awe.
thinking of you. hope you're ok today.
How awful your nieces/others are behaving. That's disappointing on a level beyond reasoning. I'm so sorry.
As I was reading about all that your DS is doing, I just kept thinking that he is having that "time" in his life. The before and after time that changes who you are deep inside. I'm sure it's immensely cathartic for him, but he is also helping others (recovery of victims) and helping the community on the whole. He may have footage of the slide. Really? How incredible would that be? Think about the ramifications that could have for future community planning...
Your son is making a significant impact on the WORLD right now. Not many people get that opportunity. He is embracing it and stepping up. Something tells me this tragedy is the beginning of great things for him.
Sending you strength and patience during this time with all the hugs you need.
"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks
((((((((((((Phoenix1 and family))))))))))
[This message edited by AgainandAgain at 2:58 PM, April 7th (Monday)]
Brother and SIL are still officially on the missing list, which stands at 17 as of the latest release. Still no official word on identification of SIL.
DS had a tough weekend emotionally, especially Saturday. He was alone as all his friends/co-workers were gone or unavailable. He chose not to go out to the site on Saturday, and we spent a lot of time talking on the phone. We were talking about some of the sentimental items that were gone (the thought about lost "stuff" just entered my mind for the first time on Sat) and I asked him what he had stored in the house (there was a locked storage room I know he kept stuff in because he was always out there). He told me he basically lost everything, except his truck and motorcycle that weren't there. He kept all his belongings there because he has no room in the barracks and he spent all his time there anyway: all his fishing stuff, his dirt bike equipment, his brand new mountain bike he only rode twice, all his expensive welding equipment, all his specialty truck tools, etc. All gone, and no insurance to help him out. My nieces are going to walk away with a large sum of money, and DS just gets dumped on even more. My heart breaks for him. Stuff can be replaced, and he knows it. But this is still tough for a 20 yr old that worked so hard for what he had. He then made a statement that about killed me: "I just want to come home, mom. There is nothing left for me here." He then started blowing up my phone with pics of him and his uncle doing various things together. It was obviously a very painful moment for him. I told him when he does get home (he gets out of the military for good in July) that he can help me put together a picture collage of the family using some of his wonderful pictures for a Christmas present for my dad. He thought that was a great idea and said he would love to do it for his grandpa. At least that gave him something else to think about for a few minutes...
We were then talking about the nieces, and the old adage was never so true about actions speaking louder than words. DS drives out to the site regularly, which is a 240 mile round trip for him every time he goes. He has been out there many times, starting on the day of the incident. My nieces live about 40 miles away and have not been out to the site once, nor have they offered to help in any way. It is just so very sad.
And so I sit in my legal limbo due to lack of death certificates, trying to help DS get thru this day by day with a giant hole in my heart.
I have no words and anything I could think up to say would seem so small in comparison to the enormity you face right now. Thoughts and prayers with you during this time.
((((Hugs)))) to your family, and especially you and your DS.
I wish I was rich so I could anonymously replace all his possessions just as a thank you for his service to the country, to the people of this town and to your family.