Saw x walking along the street again this morning. It was significantly earlier than my previous sightings (its the third time now).
He has looked miserable each time. Scowly face, eyes down cast. Today he was wearing a sweater that I gave him a few years back. WTF! Wouldn't you get rid of x stuff. If I was the current victim I wouldn't be happy with him wearing xpartner gifts! But I digress.
Anyway, I find my co-dependency trying to raise its ugly head and contact him. NC, NC, NC. I just find myself running thoughts through my head such as 'maybe he is too scared/ashamed to reach out and apologise', 'maybe his shame is stopping him from being in contact with his family', 'maybe if I reach out it will enable him to seek the forgiveness that will help him move on'. You get the idea. I get stuck in the cycle of thinking somehow I can fix this (not reconcile!) because it was always about fixing whatever his issues were in the past. I don't want the relationship back but its hard seeing him look so unhappy.
At one stage I cared for him very much but he is a grown 'man' and no longer my problem.
Sadly I doubt he would ever think of me with this concern or ready compassion. I am yet again projecting my values (dont think I will ever understand the deliberate damage inflicted, nor the inability to feel remorse for that) onto him. Sigh.
I guess it is what it is.
Me: Awesome - 35.... ummm, not anymore
"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou