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Newest Member: EverythingAfter (44970)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: DD6 Meltdown
freeatlast72
♀ Member
Member # 42758
Default  Posted: 7:53 AM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DD6 is having a hard time with the separation. She has been having meltdowns for the past few Sunday nights. She has been saying things like "What if Dad finds a new family and does not love his first family anymore", "Will dad love me when he gets a new family or will he forget about me"......It breaks my heart and I have tried to reassure her that we both love her very much and she will always come first in our lives.

When this happened last Sunday, WH accused me of putting these thoughts in her head b/c she is always happy when he drops her off at the house-- Of course, she is...he is Disney Dad now....IDIOT!!

I know she will adjust but it is so hard to watch her bawl her eyes out when we did not want this-- he is the one who left b/c he wants to find "happiness and peace"....we both do not come from divorced families so he has no idea how this will impact her.


BS:41 (me)
WH: 41
Kids: DD6
DDay: 12/31/2013
Married 15 years
Separated as of 01/16/2014,now divorcing...WH did not want to reconcile.

You can't rationalize irrational behavior.


Posts: 135 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: North Carolina
Whalers11
♀ Member
Member # 27544
Default  Posted: 8:36 AM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry for your DD. I think that age is so tough to have to go through this because they are old enough to remember when their mom and dad were together, but they aren't old enough to really know the reasons behind why their lives are changing. That's a lot for a little one to deal with.


Me: BGF - 33
Together 11+ years - not married, no children.
D-Day: 2/9/2010
OC Born: 10/9/2010
Status: He chose OW/OC and left immediately.

Posts: 2231 | Registered: Feb 2010
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is your DD in counseling? I had to put my son in counseling to help him cope. He just turned 7 when we I filed. He still asks questions but no longer acts out at school and in general is doing much better.

It breaks my heart and I have tried to reassure her that we both love her very much and she will always come first in our lives.
^^^As for this when I make statements like this to my kids I tell them that Daddy loves them and Mommy loves them. There is no more "we" or "us" concerning stbxww and the family unit. I leave out the part about them always coming first with BOTH of us. I tell them they will always come first with me. STBXWW can tell them that if she wants. Any questions concerning Mom get directed back to Mom. I don't bad mouth my stbxww but I have no idea what she will do in the future so I don't make promises for her. Her multiple A's has already shown me that she will ALWAYS put herself first even when she thinks she isn't. Last thing I want is my kids coming back saying Daddy you told us "XYZ" about Mommy, she didn't do "XYZ", and blaming me for it. STBXWW is responsible for her relationship with the kids. Just my 2 cents.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 8:45 AM, March 24th (Monday)]


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1903 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I second the motion for IC for DD6. She's asking these questions specifically about 'dad' because she is smart and can see from his behavior that these are very real concerns. Will he replace her since he replaced you? This is a question for a professional to help her deal with.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1778 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
damncutekitty
♀ Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH accused me of putting these thoughts in her head b/c she is always happy when he drops her off at the house

He is a moron. She is asking you these questions because you are the parent she feels safest with. She acts happy for her dad because she is afraid if she upsets him that he will abandon her. But don't expect him to ever face this fact.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49480 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
Topic Posts: 5

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