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User Topic: Really need advice very serious
justme1264
♂ Member
Member # 42890
Default  Posted: 3:59 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

removed

[This message edited by justme1264 at 6:00 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)]


Me: BH 32
D will be final Nov 2014

Posts: 274 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: justme1264
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Run! Get yourself out of the drama. File and report her OP to proper hospital authorities...


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4774 | Registered: Dec 2010
Tearsoflove
♀ Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would ask the hospital for information about who has been accessing my records and if his name is on the list (or anyone else who doesn't have permission or a legitimate reason), I'd be reporting him. If he has no problem breaking HIPAA Compliance rules for you, you won't be the only person who's records he's accessing illegally.


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 4033 | Registered: Sep 2005
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your wife is planning to D and leave you? I don't see any need to protect her then. If you worry he has gotten your number from your records, report him to the hospital.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4088 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would contact the police and lodge a formal complaint against him at his place of work.

It will come back on your wife, but if she is insistent that she did not share your info, then this man has committed a crime.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7431 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First, I am sorry. This sucks

I would consult an attorney. Your tagline suggests your wife wants to divorce. Protect yourself and get advice.

Do not delete any messages from the AP keep all correspondences and be careful how you respond.

Next, I would go to my wife's place of business and speak to the highest authority you can. You don't want her in trouble but this person seems unstable. Your wife will have to deal with the fallout of what she has created.

Stay calm and report only facts. Do not bring your emotions into it. You do not want to come off like the crazy scorned husband. Practice what you will say before you go, have your proof ready and confirm your actions beforehand with the lawyer.

You know something is going on with your wife, but she is not your friend right now. She has jumped ship and made it known she wants to leave you. Her words mean nothing, her actions don't either.

Protect yourself, you have to pull the first punch, IMO. Don't tell her what your plans are. Don't speak to her about messages you get or any other information you have.

(((hugs))) and strength. Please take care of you.

[This message edited by karmahappens at 4:10 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)]


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3793 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
justme1264
♂ Member
Member # 42890
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

removed

[This message edited by justme1264 at 6:00 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)]


Me: BH 32
D will be final Nov 2014

Posts: 274 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: justme1264
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't tell her anything. If she did something wrong and does lose her job then it is not your fault...none of this is. Do not take the blame.
Stop worrying about her, worry about you. She created this and wants to leave you for HIM...let her have it all.

[This message edited by karmahappens at 4:14 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)]


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3793 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
OnAnIsland
♀ Member
Member # 34319
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i am don't think you need to text her or give her any notice here. who cares about making her mad? take care of yourself. keep yourself safe, and try to start healing. she has indicated she has no intention of fighting for you and your marriage. let her go.

take care of you. i am not sure if that means filing a police report or talking with someone at his work or anything else in particular. it does mean eating, sleeping, drinking water, getting some individual counseling and in real life support from friends and/or family.


D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou


Posts: 1478 | Registered: Dec 2011
justme1264
♂ Member
Member # 42890
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

removed

[This message edited by justme1264 at 6:00 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)]


Me: BH 32
D will be final Nov 2014

Posts: 274 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: justme1264
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 4:23 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Only you know your wife.

I can only tell you what I would do.

Seeing an attorney would be my first step.

Sit on it for a bit...and don't respond to the AP. Previously I said be careful, but I wouldn't engage with him.

(((hugs)))


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3793 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
justme1264
♂ Member
Member # 42890
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

removed

[This message edited by justme1264 at 6:01 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)]


Me: BH 32
D will be final Nov 2014

Posts: 274 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: justme1264
RedRaven6500
♀ Member
Member # 39626
Default  Posted: 4:28 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After dealing with my fWH's special-kind-of-crazy OW, I would suggest you do a few thing. Compile all evidence of the A that you have and put a hard and soft copy safely away. Save all emails, texts, letters sent from the OM, record all phone calls, and if he's stupid enough to show up at your home, call 911 and then record the whole thing on your phone. Tomorrow, you need to go to your local police department and file a formal complaint, bring all evidence with you, hopefully they will grant you a temp. RO until you can go to court. Then I would go to the hospital and file a formal complaint with them. Make sure they understand that the police have been notified and show them the report, so they understand what they are dealing with. Fallout is going to happen, i.e. job loss, suspension, etc. and hopefully that's it. However, be aware, this could tip this in a bad way, so have some home protection, just in case. Dog, gun, and 911 on speed dial. Be aware of your surroundings leaving work, returning home, etc. In my case the OW threatened suicide via email and we had to call the police and have them check on her. She "supposedly" checked herself into a psych ward for a few days, no proof of it though. I think she had her adult son lie to the police. I think she thought that fWH would call her to check her welfare, instead she had cops show up to her house at 11 pm banging on the door. My point being, APs do some weird shit when they have their lives imploding, so be very careful.


BW: Me 42, WH: Him 42, Married: 22 years
DD: 21, DS: 20 both in college
DDay: 22 Oct 2011
Year PAs/EAs started: 2004, possibly 2003
OW: 3 "serious" long-distance A's, several casual A's, some at the same time. Classy.
In R

Posts: 116 | Registered: Jun 2013
RedRaven6500
♀ Member
Member # 39626
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And ditto everything KarmaHappens said.


BW: Me 42, WH: Him 42, Married: 22 years
DD: 21, DS: 20 both in college
DDay: 22 Oct 2011
Year PAs/EAs started: 2004, possibly 2003
OW: 3 "serious" long-distance A's, several casual A's, some at the same time. Classy.
In R

Posts: 116 | Registered: Jun 2013
justme1264
♂ Member
Member # 42890
Default  Posted: 4:37 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

removed

[This message edited by justme1264 at 6:01 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)]


Me: BH 32
D will be final Nov 2014

Posts: 274 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: justme1264
justme1264
♂ Member
Member # 42890
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

removed

[This message edited by justme1264 at 6:01 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)]


Me: BH 32
D will be final Nov 2014

Posts: 274 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: justme1264
justme1264
♂ Member
Member # 42890
Default  Posted: 4:45 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

removed

[This message edited by justme1264 at 6:01 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)]


Me: BH 32
D will be final Nov 2014

Posts: 274 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: justme1264
RedRaven6500
♀ Member
Member # 39626
Default  Posted: 4:47 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Talk to the lawyer first. Don't talk to her until you do. You will know what to do after you get legal council. If you talk to her first she may try to talk you out of it, lie, manipulate, etc. Get advice that is removed from the situation. Get a new perspective, your judgement may be clouded because you love her. Your love needs to temporarily be set aside until you can get some concrete plans in place for your safety.


BW: Me 42, WH: Him 42, Married: 22 years
DD: 21, DS: 20 both in college
DDay: 22 Oct 2011
Year PAs/EAs started: 2004, possibly 2003
OW: 3 "serious" long-distance A's, several casual A's, some at the same time. Classy.
In R

Posts: 116 | Registered: Jun 2013
musiclovingmom
♀ Member
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 4:54 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm a little confused about this, so maybe you could clarify. Your first post in JFO says that you called a land line to talk to him and asked for a call back. Which makes me wonder why you are questioning how he got your number.
At any rate, harassing phone calls/texts - threatening or not, can be grounds for you to press harassment charges. You definitely need to protect yourself. And I absolutely would not tell your wife anything.

Posts: 1057 | Registered: Jan 2013
whattheh
♀ Member
Member # 40032
Default  Posted: 4:56 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Talk to an atty or police before u talk to your wife. she is not on your side and obviously can't be trusted. It's no longer you and her against the world.


BW- mid 50's (me)
fWH-late 50's
M 33 T 35
DD-Early 2013 PA 2010
In R but I have PTSD...

Posts: 535 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 33
Pages: 1 · 2

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