There is no shame in taking the high the road, as you intend to do, but know that it can be a very difficult road to travel, esp as she will rewrite your marital history, and continue to demonize you even more.
Make it abundantly clear that you will not tolerate her demonizing you to your kids. That is not an option. She can say what she wants to anyone else, but she is NOT allowed to talk smack about you with the kids.
Started 180 a 4 days ago and was doing better but today was tough. My wife seems to like the 180, she hasn't seemed to cae I not around her. I feel thrown away, it really hurts.
You do know that the 180 is for you, not for her. If you are doing it in hopes that she gets her head out of her ass then you are doing it for the wrong reasons, and it will be even more difficult. This is to protect you and your heart.
As far as your job goes, if you have a great job, and a wonderful boss, but feel like you are not able to perform at your normal level, I strongly encourage you to take the time to get your FMLA papers filled out and signed by your Dr. This is a horrible time, and you will need days off to pull yourself together emotionally. You don't want to have to do this, or not allow yourself this time, for fear of losing your job, and please know that even if you have worked for the same company for 100 years, and they love you they will not act honorably and take your personal situation into account when things get tight, or your boss gets tired of you subpar performance.
I too had great bosses at the time, and unfortunately it was a small company that I was the boss of everyone minus the two owners (Dr's). Trust me had I missed the work I should have they would have fired me on the spot. They certainly were not happy with my performance for about 6 months, it was quite subpar from previous.
This shit takes a toll, and it will quite possibly be the hardest thing you go through in your life. It's normal to feel overwhelmed, sad, angry, whatever. You have to allow yourself to grieve your M. Even if you do R, you still have to grieve what was lost.