Welcome to SI. I think you'll find the support that you need here.
What are you doing to alleviate your guilt? Are you working on yourself, on figuring out where your issues lie?
It sounds like there were major communication issues in the M for a long time. That is never an excuse to cheat, and I think those issues need to be addressed in IC and MC.
Guilt is fine and it serves its purpose, but don't get so caught up in it that you get stuck there.
Your BH may still be shellshocked and numb. Don't mistake his non-reaction for not caring. He may just be too hurt right now. Or, he might be rugsweeping and that's not healthy either. This needs to be addressed and fixed.
Good luck. Keep posting!
"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."
I had to go on a short term antidepressant regiment to deal with the guilt and shame. It's important to express those feelings and to allow your BS to see them. But it is also important not to let them swallow you whole. One of the more active users recently posted about this: http://survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=525466
Please listen to Authentic and HUFI and the others who have BTDT. Their insight really does help. Get into counseling you need. You BOTH need it.
Appalled by my actions, and the choice to set off several atomic bombs in my life.
Why did you call the cops? You were afraid. Threats of bodily harm that cause fear of imminent harm are crimes for a reason. Additionally, intoxicated people are unpredictable. I worked once for an attorney who said, "Alcohol can turn anyone into a killer." So please do not feel guilty for taking actions to keep you and your children safe. Your husband needs to own his choices there.
The way you cope is to take it one day at a time. Start working on yourself. Figure out your why. Just do it. Get the help. We are here as a community to help you as well.
There are other people here who have had their Spouse placed in jail, and made it through.
Once you have gotten support for yourself to stay safe, you can talk with your BH about MC. This is a marriage - he can think HE is ok in the marriage, but only you can decide if YOU are ok with how things are. He may be in a rug sweeping stage and not be willing to go to MC, but you are entitled to fear what will happen if infidelity (and eventually other) issues are not addressed. There are actually marriage counselors who will work with one member of the marriage, with the focus still on preserving the marriage (as opposed to the IC focus on healing the individual's issues which led to infidelity and/or other marital issues).
I may be overreacting, but as someone who is massively co-dependent I am concerned about your guilt at protecting yourself and your thoughts of suicide. Hopefully they are just thoughts and you will continue to act to keep yourself safe.