Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: utterlydone (44718)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: S T D negative
ProbableIceCream
♂ Member
Member # 37468
Default  Posted: 6:22 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Couple things --

* Finally got my STD panel done last week. It's negative.

* Told this news to a mutual friend (let's call the friend C) and found out that XWW had cheated on me before with a guy (let's call the guy D) that she was pushing me very hard for permission to have sex with about a year before the incident that immediately led to the divorce. I was like 95% sure that something had happened (i mean, why else would her doctor order an STD test at the time? and why would she ask for permission if she's willing to just go cheat later unless she's trying to get retroactive permission?).

She also KNEW this guy D had herpes, by the way.

At least I'm already NC so I can just keep being NC.

So while this isn't necessarily like a huge d-day inside a relationship, it is upsetting me to learn that I was right, but at the same time it helps me with NC and it confirms my new view of her, that she's a very fake person and that I have no way of knowing the full extent of what she might have done.

I am angry.

[This message edited by ProbableIceCream at 6:22 PM, March 27th (Thursday)]


Me, 32. DD, 8. DS, 6 (deceased).

Posts: 816 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Pacific Northwest
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 6:29 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear you. Post D I found out my ex started cheating 14 years before I figured it out. Thus the reason I get tested.

BTW - I never talk to her and I have full custody of DD.

Good to hear you are clear.


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9176 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
cayc
♀ Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh god the mutual friends crawling out of the woodwork with new information that they should have told you about years ago!!! I hope you put some distance between yourself this so-called friend C too.


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3058 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
ProbableIceCream
♂ Member
Member # 37468
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

C is kind of crazy. She's not really a regular friend, just someone who popped up recently. But yeah, I wouldn't say she's a good friend if she kept that from me, even if she was afraid it would hurt me or whatever her reason was.

I feel calmer now.. wow, it's nice to be vindicated. I knew XWW was into some stuff, I just didn't know exactly what (and I still don't know, really).


Me, 32. DD, 8. DS, 6 (deceased).

Posts: 816 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Pacific Northwest
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, March 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I remember getting the negative results back and how much of a relief it was. My ex also had cheated before she ran off with her new dad. I didn't find out about it until later and I suspect there's a lot more I don't know about.

Anyways, congrats on your great results.


Posts: 1656 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
ProbableIceCream
♂ Member
Member # 37468
Default  Posted: 9:53 AM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Today I just feel stunned/shocked.


Me, 32. DD, 8. DS, 6 (deceased).

Posts: 816 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Pacific Northwest
cayc
♀ Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 12:04 PM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is one of the things that bedevils me ... after all this time you'd think I'd quit learning new stuff about xWH's perfidy. But no. Sometimes it's people that mention things. Sometimes it's I have a memory and I realize "oh that's what that meant".

It's hurtful still. Anger making still. And shocking still (so much that I didn't see!!!!). And I just ... wish I had seen it at the time. I would have save years. Years!

About the only good that comes of these relevations/reconsiderings? It makes it all that much clearer what shitty people they were and how little it had to do with us. In fact, our only role was as a patsy/dupe. That's pretty much all I contributed to my M at any rate.


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3058 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((PIC)))) First things first - I'm so glad your results came back negative.

I'm so sorry for the additional revelations, hon. Even with the distance you've put between you, it still packs a punch, because it's yet another layer of deception. Be gentle with yourself.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25047 | Registered: Aug 2011
ProbableIceCream
♂ Member
Member # 37468
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My EMDR therapist suggested doing this as the next target today, and we started on it. I feel somewhat better. I didn't know you could do something that happened yesterday as a target!


Me, 32. DD, 8. DS, 6 (deceased).

Posts: 816 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Pacific Northwest
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 7:04 PM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

perfidy

Perfect word!


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9529 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 10

Return to Forum: New Beginnings Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.