We are supposed to buy the book "NOT Just Friends" by Shirley Glass, and take turns reading a chapter and marking it up (highlight things). We are supposed to create a "resentment list" about each other, and take it to the next appointment which is in 2 weeks.
He hasn't said he loves me since the appointment. Not once. Not even when I left the house this morning to go do laundry. He ALWAYS would say he loves me when I'd leave the house. This is .. scary.
He's not saying he loves me. But he's making plans, about things to do in the future. Things like when the weather breaks in about a month or so, we'll be able to get the gutters cleaned out and the shed stabilized. We can work on refinishing the deck. That sort of stuff. It's weird.
I honestly don't know what to think or feel. He just doesn't seem to understand the whole BOUNDARIES thing. I TOLD him that him having contact of ANY kind with her is essentially him saying that talking to her is more important to him than saving our relationship. He doesn't SEE that. I'm so hurt and so scared, and he doesn't seem to care about anything.
Married 4 years. Dating 8. Living together 7.
If a man took his time on earth
to prove be for he died
what on man's life could be worth
I wonder what would happen to the world
- Harry Chapin
I know you want to believe, trust me I KNOW. I have only recently found out the difference that true R is. I ended up with an in house separation and seeing a lawyer, then a false R before he finally got the picture regarding just how much the OW from the EA was an issue for me. It is true what the SI veterans say...sometimes you have to be willing to loose it all to gain it all.
We go back to the counselor on 4/12. With the resentment list (GUESS what will be on mine!), and the book that we've highlighted.
I'm going to give this a chance, and see what happens between now and then. HIS attitude and actions will tell me a lot.
HE had confirmed contact Thursday morning with his whore AP. A five minute phone call because she "needed someone to talk to." yeah, right. He was LIVID with me for checking his phone.
BTW, Shirley Glass's book is excellent!
[This message edited by twisted at 9:11 AM, March 31st (Monday)]
He doesn't seem to understand that this is not something I'm going to budge on.
Did you spell out your list of requirements and the consequences of them not being met? If so, this is the time for enforcement. If not, why not?
I agree with the others, you are not in R and will be wasting time, energy, and money by continuing MC. Invest in yourself first.
He is showing you he doesn't care.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.