I feel so much guilt now… living with my ex there was often so much stress and unpredictable mood swings and temper tantrums. i know now, FINALLY what was going on. He had PTSD from being in the military. There are 2 different kinds of PTSD, the kind that people get from terrible shit that happens to them, and the other kind, that people get from horrific shit that they did to other human beings. The first is somewhat easier to work thru… The second type not so much, unless maybe you are a sociopath, in which case I guess you just don’t give a fuck about anyone but yourself…. Anyway he was not a sociopath, and he was definitely suffering from the second type.
So to get back on subject, he made our 2 cats craAAAzy. Pee on the furniture, lick themselves bald, guano-loco… the cat who was the most emotionally dependent on me, was the one that became the most impossible. Of course. My ex made some ultimatums and i caved. Hence my GUILT and remorse…
The reason I almost posted this in NEW BEGINNINGS forum is i am in the process of extricating myself from a romantic relationship that just does not work for me. He is kind of a control freak to be honest. He is not a bad man, and since it is now a LDR, I was kinda sorta thinking i could just let it slowly peter out… IOW take the lazy cowardly way out… but he is expected to be back on island in 8 days…
However he didn’t just drive me nuts, i have a cat that he used to try to ORDER AROUND in a LOUD VOICE like she was a labrador retriever, not really MEAN, just NOT how you talk to a cat, you know? Anyway, it made her behave very neurotic, and she has developed cancer in the last 2 months, and so now there is no way I am going to make her put up with him in the time she has left… because she deserves better, and so do I.
So, if you have a cat or a dog that is trying to tell you something and SAVE you, please LISTEN.
We had a sweet, sweet older dog who was blind and diabetic. During H's A, he was often short and impatient with her. I tried to tell him that she was old and sick, and to be more understanding, but he wasn't very nice to either of us. I had to have her put down a month and a half after DD. I often wish I could have had more time and energy to pamper and give her extra attention during her last days, but I was barely getting by, myself. I will always regret that I let my generous, faithful friend down because I was dealing with my cheating, selfish H.
Latest DD - April 2013, PA
I am so glad to see this post and that others have had similar situations.
Our perfectly healthy dog, began self destructive behaviors...licking herself to the point of creating an infection. Not hotspots or an allergy. We ended up having to medicate her (puppy prozac), but this began and ended in relation to the A along with some other hidden behaviors. Just thinking about the stress she was under makes me feel terrible. I thought there was something wrong with her, but there was letting us know there was something wrong in the family unit. Now I KNOW to pay attention to more than just my pet, but to what may be going on within the family unit.
A few months later, she began acting strange and we found she had a brain tumour. My poor, sweet Summer was put to sleep and we put her ashes in the garden. The only other person she would go to was DS#2. In her last days, he had some sort of magical touch that soothed her and she seemed to rest under his hands.
I can’t help feeling that my extraordinary and deep ongoing distress caused her anxiety, and so her cancer. She died way too young. Our chocolate lab was absolutely lost and took to sleeping in all her favourite spots.
I often wonder if they “knew” things weren’t right with WH. They often displayed the same melting away as the boys when he walked in through the front door....