Topic: 4 yrs out and triggering
♀ New Member
Member # 28100
| Posted: 7:29 PM, March 30th (Sunday), 2014|
It is four years since I first found this place. While I am not happy to be a member I am so grateful for this place. I'm not sure I would have made it through all of this without this site.
Very recently a friend of ours came forward and told me she was texting another man. She had feelings for him and she knows it is interfearing in her marraige and causing huge problems. This is all to familiar. My FWH was only texting someone too. (Yeah right) Anyway, I gave her the no contact speech to change her phone number. She agreed she wanted to save her marriage and was willing to make the right moves to fix her marriage. Fast forward six weeks. She tells me last night that she is still texting other person and her and her husband are seperating. While this is not my issue I have decided I can no longer have contact with her. I really want to call her husband (our friend) and give him this site information.
Needless to say me and FWH are at odds. I am so angry today. Everything he is doing is making me more mad. Even watching a movie last night infuriated me. I thought this was all over for me. I thought I was really getting past everything. Is this always going to be this way? I know I will always have to work at my marriage but sometimes I think I should have left it in the past so I can have a fresh start too. Just a tough day even now.
Me: BS 38
Him: WS 38
M:14 year together 18
6 month EA/PA
Posts: 24 | Registered: Mar 2010
Member # 36976
| Posted: 8:59 PM, March 30th (Sunday), 2014|
At two years out I think I'm fine and then something hits and it all comes back. I guess it's part of a long-term process. I'm glad SI still gives you the place to vent, I hope it helps.
Posts: 621 | Registered: Sep 2012
Member # 38384
| Posted: 9:26 PM, March 30th (Sunday), 2014|
I think we are always going to have those shitty moments/days ((ovrwelmed)). I have shitty moments now and I expect to have them 2 years from now. But I pray that is all they are - moments.
Needless to say me and FWH are at odds.
Are you and your H at odds bc he does not want you to contact the H about SI? Did you tell your female friend that you can no longer have contact with her?
I guess the most impt issue here is that you and your H keep talking.
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear
Posts: 2322 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Member # 36634
| Posted: 6:44 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014|
. I am nearing the two year anniversary of d-day. 1yr 4 mos of TRUE R. Scares me to know that you are still feeling anger so strong after 4yrs. Is this ongoing? Or has the anger subsided until this trigger? I don't understand why you two should be at odds? I had a similar situation occur with a good friend. I handled it in much the same way as you. However, my WH backed me 100%. It really helped me to see that he has changed the way he thinks about this type of thing. You didn't really spell out his reaction in your post. Is he upset w/ you for saying something? Does he think you're overreacting? Or is it just you triggering and lashing out? I do this sometimes, that's why ask. Is he defending her actions? Or does he just not want to talk about it?
I think you should take this opportunity to try to band together with him. Talk to him. You can really gain understanding of his perspective since you are discussing someone else's situation.Ask his thoughts. What does he think of what she is doing? Pick his brain if he will let you. If he is still defensive when you are this far out, is it because he never came clean about what really happened in his affair? My wayward got really upset when my friend was "talking" to another man. He would comment about why she was not going no contact after everything came out and would become angry that her WS was not standing up for himself or requiring NC etc..I'm not understanding why your wayward wouldn't want to support the BS. Is he friends with the BS. Does the other couple know your situation? Is your WH afraid that if you share the SI info you will reveal what he did?
Me: 44 BS
Married 12 yrs
True R: 12/2012
4kids(11, 8, 5, 4mos)+ 2 Step kids I love like my own
Posts: 313 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Georgia
Member # 28571
| Posted: 7:08 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014|
I'd do the same, I don't think I could stay in contact with anyone actively cheating on their spouse.
Why are you and your husband at odds? What is he doing that is making you mad?
“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”
Posts: 7456 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Member # 27467
| Posted: 2:47 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014|
I am sorry to hear this. I would have big problems staying friends, in fact I doubt I could.
After 2 years, 5 months I am having the worst triggers surrounding a certain circumstance. It feels so awful! That I even feel the same depth of pain and anxiety makes me wonder if I'm cut out for a life of encountering it, if even occasionally.
I hear you.
BW-47, married 24 years, together 27
WH-49, has LTEA w/ExGF, 25 years (minor PA)
Final no contact 4-2010
2nd A- 10-1-11 through 11-3-11
D-day 11-3-11 through 11-6-11
PA- mainly kissing until the last night when they had sex.
R- so far so good
Posts: 220 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
|Topic Posts: 6|