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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: My safety..how could she
justme1264
♂ Member
Member # 42890
Default  Posted: 12:16 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My wife was diagnosed with genial herpes 2 years into our marriage. She claimed it was from when her ex cheated on her. I supported her and believed her. I am so thankful to be completely std free. My wife's A happened fours into our marriage. And I have reason to believe she may have had as A durring our second year. She even had sex with this guy durring the second A with no protection. How can someome put their husband at so much medical risk? Does my life not mean anything to her. I just feel like she as was as dangerous to my healththan the criminals I deal with every day... But worse. At least they are honest about wanting to kill me. Not her. She is devious about it. I hate her. I hater so much.

[This message edited by justme1264 at 12:18 AM, March 31st (Monday)]


"You will be tried, tested, pushed, betrayed, and hurt. You will feel pain and sorrow. During these moments if you remember but one thing, remember this: Never go to your knees - don't give up." -Justme

Posts: 304 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: justme1264
Thefly559
♂ Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 12:33 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear you brother. Brace yourself for lots of discoveries. My stbxww did the same. Exactly. How and why we will never know. I have came to terms with that. Just know you are not alone brother. Stay strong!


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 644 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
newlysingle
♀ Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 12:37 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They are assholes. My XWH was screwing around on me while I was pregnant with my son. Thank goodness we are both okay and STD free. It makes me enraged to think about the harm he put us both in for his own selfish needs.


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 887 | Registered: Mar 2013
justme1264
♂ Member
Member # 42890
Default  Posted: 12:46 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Serioisly such asses. Use a damn condom. She is a medical professional... I asked how.could you first lie and say you used protection. Then say he can.be trusted. Wtf?!! Are you dumb. I thought if anything my wife was mature enough to 1., tell me screwed someone else up front, 2., smart enough to use protection, and 3. Professional enough to be weary of putting others at danger. I am floored. You can never know someone

[This message edited by justme1264 at 12:48 AM, March 31st (Monday)]


"You will be tried, tested, pushed, betrayed, and hurt. You will feel pain and sorrow. During these moments if you remember but one thing, remember this: Never go to your knees - don't give up." -Justme

Posts: 304 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: justme1264
Caretaker1
♂ Member
Member # 42777
Default  Posted: 12:52 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is she bi polar? Addicted to sex? What is wrong with her ? STD......ummmmm what about HIV? This is insane.

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2014
CheshCat
♀ Member
Member # 27546
Default  Posted: 1:03 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Been there.

LOVED having to get my kids tested for STDs... Because I wasn't taking "standard precautions" with them, the way parents who KNOW they have STDs protect do (no sharing towels, ever ever ever... When everyone is scraped and bleeding from a tumble mom gets cleaned up BEFORE the kids, so not getting your own infected blood into their cuts... Hospital strict about body fluids... Sealed bathroom garbage...etc, etc, etc.). The 1001 things you do to keep from infecting those you live with via casual contact. Only HIV is hard to catch, and I'd shared blood with my 3yo twice that year, already!!!

If my child had been given a death sentence by my husband, I'd actually have killed him. I came DARN close to it when antibiotics were "all" that was needed. (No possibility of sexual abuse. XH picked up something, gave it to me, and then through one of a thousand vectors, passed it right on to my toddler. ) I can't say what I would have done if giving my babies kisses had transferred genital warts (which transfer not only genitally, but orally) or herpes onto their sweet faces. I really cannot say.

I can own that nearly everyone gets stupid at least once, and protection fails or is non-existent. But to knowingly expose your wife and babies.....

There aren't words.


Chesh


"Another conversation killed awkwardly! Yes! Point to my side." - Chesh's Brother

Moi : BS MH 30mumble
Him : WS Abuse Adultery Addict Six-figure Sociopath = Aaass
... I picked a winner!
DDay - 2006 ad naseam
Divorced! 2013


Posts: 571 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: West Coast US
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 1:27 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Right there with you brother. He cheated on me during both pregnancies - he has only ever admitted to DDOW but I know that is bullshit. They never use condoms - he admitted he didn't with DDOW. STDs don't exist in UnicornFartLand, apparently. He had HSV1before we met. Didn't tell me about it for almost a year. We were already living together. I can't believe I didn't walk then.

My first symptoms came up 5 years later when I was 7m pregnant. He is telling people I gave it to him.

To put someone else's health at risk is so unimaginably disgraceful. To put your own unborn children at risk? Just.unbelievable.

AFAIK they are clear but I will never forgive him for putting them at risk. Never.

Of course he said DD OW was 'clean' - never mind she fucked lots of married men who were probably also serial cheaters.

I wondered why I kept getting bacterial infections for the last 6-7 years of that M.

I'm having more sex now than during my M and waddya know - no infections since we split. I'm always safe now. Didn't think I needed to be in my M - that betrayal of trust goes beyond cheating. That is messing with my health, my life - my children's lives.

Channel this anger into evicti her from your heart and mind. Don't lose your head now. I wanted to tear him a new one when I realised he'd been cheating for years but he would have just lied and blame shifted some more.

Pieces of shit the lot of them.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5548 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
justme1264
♂ Member
Member # 42890
Default  Posted: 8:11 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for your support.

Thinksg like this is what screws with my sleep now. Not even sleep aids are helping.

I am glad to know my wife's blatant disregard for my health is normal Among WW.I want to rationalize that in her mind there was no risk. Just so hard because she is in the medical field. Ugh, I am floored.

I tried contacting her (I Am NC) and hoping she will have the last bit of decency to fill in the blanks of the time line for me. I need to get tested again. It is causing me a lot of worry


"You will be tried, tested, pushed, betrayed, and hurt. You will feel pain and sorrow. During these moments if you remember but one thing, remember this: Never go to your knees - don't give up." -Justme

Posts: 304 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: justme1264
careerlady
♀ Member
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know how you feel. OW1 (well the first one I caught) said they used no condoms. The scone one no condom since she got pregnant the 3rd time I caught him I was breastfeeding our son, so if I'd gotten HIV the transmission rate to him would be high. And I'm an ER doc, working with HIV would be hard. I spent a long time worrying about it while waiting for my test results. One if the many things I'll never forgive him for.

I'm having more sex now than during my M and waddya know - no infections since we split. I'm always safe now.

WHAT - I missed this! What's up???


Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!
Summary: http://youtu.be/iaysTVcounI

Posts: 937 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My ex was having gay affairs…then coming home and having sex with my WHILE PREGNANT with our son.

That was one of the hardest things to try to accept.

It just is. They don't care about anyone but themselves.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4127 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How can someome put their husband at so much medical risk? Does my life not mean anything to her.
Gently, honey - your life was not anywhere on her radar while she was cheating. You didn't factor into her decisions and actions AT. ALL. It's a really sucky realization, but once you truly accept that her actions and thoughts were ENTIRELY about HER and that you didn't factor into any of it, I promise, you will find some freedom.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25258 | Registered: Aug 2011
Leia
♀ Member
Member # 42510
Default  Posted: 7:30 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know what you mean. I did the ugly cry in the Dr's office, with the lab tech, and all the time in between because I never thought I would have to get tested. I got very, very lucky because I escaped with no std's. But, it just really hurts.


"Somebody get this walking carpet out of my way." Princess Leia, Star Wars

Posts: 296 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Kansas
badmedicine
♀ Member
Member # 41692
Default  Posted: 10:59 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Same here.....OW and WH are BOTH in the medical field. He first tried the whole "We used condoms every time". I believed this at first (still made appt. to get checked because nothing is perfect and I'm not stupid) but then some of the stories didn't make sense. He then admitted they used them sometimes but tried to convince me I didn't need to worry. Right, like she's a nice, trustworthy girl? Obviously she had no problem sleeping with someone else's husband and lying about it so, um yeah....gonna get checked. They are just so selfish and oblivious and have been rationalizing for so long. I made him get checked too and he took his sweet time doing it. "How could she" is exactly right. Just another horrible thing that is part of being the BS. Hope you are taking care of yourself!


"The wishbone will never replace the backbone." -Will Henry
"This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it." -Dorothy Parker

Posts: 208 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: United States
sparklezombie
♀ Member
Member # 40095
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, April 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, I'm with you. STBXH had loads of unprotected sex for years with his primary LT OW. He also had side ONS and no clue whether he used protection. OW was married and they met on AFF so no telling how much action she was getting. It's repulsive to think that I conceived my daughter while he was doing OW with a condom. It's only by God's grace that I didn't catch anything. He has so little regard for anyone but himself that it's ridiculous.


BS: Me
WH: Husband
One daughter - 22 months
Married 11.5 years
2.5 false R's.
Status: Divorcing.
You can't pick up a turd by the clean end. Time to flush the toilet.

Posts: 250 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere on the Eastern Seaboard
stronger08
♂ Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 5:39 PM, April 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

People who cheat are risk takers. I'm of the camp that believes the non protected sex is part of the rush they get from cheating in the first place. And naturally the OP is the best thing to come along since toilet paper, so they have to be clean as well. I honestly think there should be laws that give some sort of legal recourse to the betrayed who get infected with STD's from the cheating spouses. Its the exact same thing as putting a bullet in a revolver, spinning the chamber, pointing it at someone's head and pulling the trigger.

[This message edited by stronger08 at 5:39 PM, April 1st (Tuesday)]


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5652 | Registered: Nov 2007
Topic Posts: 15

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