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Newest Member: Devestatedbeyond (44583)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: 18mths since d-day and i finally bump into AP
melamber
♀ Member
Member # 38591
Helpless  Posted: 5:24 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I physically saw her for the 1st time this weekend!!

Even though its been 18mths since D-Day I've never actually seen or spoke to her about her EA with my WH.(Please feel free to read my profile for more info, instead of me waffling on.)

I was out shopping with my 8yr old and 6yr old. We get in the queue (which is zig zag shaped) and 1st off I'm stop by a friend (who knows nothing of my WS betrayal)and I'm chatting to her,then I turn to see I'm shoulder to shoulder with AP.
With only a rail between us. She looks at me and smirks!! In that moment so much went on in my head but so little actually happened.

I wanted to scream in her face,ask her new BF if he actually knew what his new GF was like? How she posts statements on FB about what every woman deserves in a man, but then plays her part in taking that away from another woman. But I kept my dignity, thought of my two children stood nxt to me, and also the friend.

So I stood in the queue nxt to her with my heart ponding, head racing,stomach churning and trying not to fall apart. Oh and still trying to hold a "normal"conversation with my friend.

I then watched her leave, watch as she walked past my WH (who was waiting outside the shop),saw the disgust/shame across his face as he realised who it was and where she came from, then he turns away. So not all bad hey

This has just knocked me back and feel like back to where I was 18mths ago. All I can think of is what WH has done and my heart is breaking all over again. WH has listened to me rant about it all over again while saying sorry over and over, as he held me all last night.

Her reaction to seeing me makes my blood boil. The nerve of her. Wished I had hit her one. But deep down I know I did what was best in that moment for my kids. But still
.

Feeling unnerved and asking if I made the right choose for me. I know im in love with WH , but do I really want a relationship which is tainted.

[This message edited by melamber at 5:25 AM, March 31st (Monday)]


D-DAY -22ND OCT 2012
MARRIED 9YRS
ME-31YRS
WH-33YRS
KIDS-THREE -8,5 AND 1
STATUS- ?

Posts: 70 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: uk
devasted30
♀ Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 6:39 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You acted in the most dignified way and should be extremely proud of yourself. Of course it hurt, but it sounds like your WH truly knows how much he hurt you and is remorseful and ashamed. Give it a few days and I am sure you will feel better. The next time you run into her, the pain will hurt less than the first time. Just keep ignoring her and possibly she will realize just how insignificant she really now is.
((((Melamber)))))

[This message edited by devasted30 at 6:39 AM, March 31st (Monday)]


Posts: 1004 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
Neverwudaguessed
♀ Member
Member # 41884
Default  Posted: 6:54 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry you had this experience; I have been in same place with my husband's AP and we drive past each other 3 or 4 times a week. She always has a smirk on her face and I would LOVE to just punch her right in the mouth. I have children as does she, and I just can't bring myself to act in a way that may break this wide open or cause my children to question their mother's behavior.

I understand the thought you had about all the things you wanted to do to her, but be proud that you protected your children by behaving with dignity and grace. She is so NOT worth it!!!!

Regarding the tainted nature of the marriage, I think on days like these those feelings will be heightened and brought back to the forefront. If you truly have a man who is remorseful and doing the work to help himself become healthy and to help you heal, then it just may be worth continuing day by day to see where this "new" husband takes you. You don't have to make any decisions today, but you may feel differently the further away you get from having seen herů.


BW: 44 Me
WH:48
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 12 1/2 years ago for 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 13
DD 11

Posts: 468 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 7:03 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Truly a terrible moment that you handled very well and esp. with two young children AND a friend in tow! Good for you, melamber.

Ah yes. The smirk! H and took a pic together at his conference last Sept. There in the background of the pic SMIRKING....yup, the AP. Isn't smirking a sign of anger or something?

Anyway, I agree with Neverwudaguessed as well. If your H is behaving with remorse, owning it, comforting you after such a stressful encounter that is all good. I found me and H closer then ever after these kinds of experiences which are rare as she does not live around us. Takes me a few days but eventually our bond strengthens bc I see that he is genuinely cares.


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2218 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
veronique12
♀ Member
Member # 42185
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just want to voice my support, melamber. You handled that beautifully. You did not stoop to her level by smirking back or lashing out, which she probably would have eaten up. You were above that and kept your cool. Bravo.


BW: me (38)
WH: 43
OW: false "friend"
D-Day: 11/29/13 (4 month EA discovered); 12/19/13 (discovered was also PA); TT thru 2/14
Married: 2001; Together for nearly 20 years
2 beautiful young kids

Posts: 446 | Registered: Jan 2014
Lovedyoumore
♀ Member
Member # 35593
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know the feeling. The heart racing, sweaty palms, churning stomach, immediate head chaos, weak knees, anger, etc, because I too came face to face at about 18 months out. You handled it well, especially with your children with you.

The smirk. I got it too. Very mature. I have never understood the anger, hate, and disdain placed on us, the BS. All those feelings should be shot at the WS because most of the BS do not even know about the A and the AP until near the end of the A or after. The AP is having a hateful competition with us that we do not even know we are competing in.

Did you discuss the situation with your H afterwards?


Me 52
WH 52
Married 30+ years
Together trying to R

I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.


Posts: 1428 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Southern, bless your heart
cbrum84
♀ Member
Member # 42061
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just dont know if I could have been so elegant. Congratulations. I probably would have decked her

Posts: 77 | Registered: Jan 2014
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Im sorry. I can understand how that must have felt.

But...I have a different perspective here. Instead of focusing on her smirk, focus on your FWH's reaction to seeing her. He was disgusted. He looked ashamed. You had the advantage of seeing his reaction, knowing he didn't know you were watching.

His reaction is exactly what all BS's hope for when their WS sees the AP after dday.

His reaction tells you a few things...he is remorseful..he is ashamed..he no longer has feeling for her...and then he responded to your trigger in the correct manner.

Im hoping once you get past the trauma of having to see her, you will come to see this as a positive step in your R.

(((melamber)))


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7253 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
cancuncrushed
♀ Member
Member # 28156
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would focus on that...Your H smirked at her, and she saw that..How did she feel?....I bet she felt used ....Shunned by two people. ANd who can she tell? Her bf probably asked if she was ok? was something wrong? Love when a whore gets rejection.


a trigger yesterday

Posts: 888 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
Topic Posts: 9

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