Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Soulbroken (45072)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: One year later...
dbellanon
♂ Member
Member # 39236
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, April 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Somehow, unbelievably, it has been a year since my life fell apart in the most unexpected way. DDday is still a month away, but it was in the beginning of April, 2013 that XWW started putting her exit strategy into play, and I began the biggest struggle of my life.

So how are things one year later?

The Positives:

*Emotionally, Iím basically back on my feet. I feel normal most of the time, though there is a kind of low-level hum of anxiety and bitterness that visits me on occasion. Most of the time, itís in the background and I feel, on the whole, like myself.

*Though there are times when I wish I had a partner in crime, especially when parenting, Iíve come to appreciate some of the advantages of singleness. It has helped me detox a bit from the terribly corrosive relationship that I suffered through in the months surrounding DDay.

*My bond with my daughter has never been stronger. She is an exceptionally bright and winsome little girl who charms me in a dozen different ways every day. She has brought me more joy that I thought possible in such a dark time in my life. And most of the time, I feel like a pretty awesome dad.

*My daughter has weathered the storm of this divorce well. I will always grieve for what she has lost, but at the moment, she is taking it in stride, partially because she does not fully comprehend what has happened, being so young. Though this carries with it its own problems and complications, I am thankful that I have not seen her have her heart broken as mine was.

The Negatives:

*I miss the hell out of my daughter whenever she is away with her mother.

*XWW still sucks.
She still does not show the slightest indication of having any kind of remorse for
what she did. Sheís spoiled and self-entitled, and liable to throw a tantrum when I
donít play ball exactly the way she wants me to. She is not unrelentingly difficult, and is often cooperative and very occasionally even nice, but she still manages to be an annoying thorn in my side that I will unfortunately have to carry with me for years to come.

*Our joint custody arrangement pretty much guarantees that I will be unable to relocate for many years. While I do like the area in which I live, I have a long list of things that I would love to do that Iím prevented from by this geographical limitation.

*And in order to have the kind of availability to my daughter that both she and I need, Iíve had to sacrifice a good deal of upward mobility and job security.

In short, even if I have begun to recover from the emotional impact of the divorce, its practical consequences will be with me for a long time.

But I have survived. I have adapted, and I am okay. That feels like an incredible thing to say.

It is probably the case that nearly everything about my life is in some degree worse as a consequence of this. The one positive is that I have become closer to my daughter, but itís perfectly possible that this would have happened without the divorce. What Iím grasping for now is that chance that maybe something in my life can be better than it ever could have been with XWW. Iím not sure what yet, but that is my hope.

[This message edited by dbellanon at 7:06 AM, April 2nd (Wednesday)]


ME: BH, 28
Her: WW, 27
DD: 4
Married 6 Years.
DDay: Early May, 2013
Divorced

Posts: 223 | Registered: May 2013
Tripletrouble
♀ Member
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 7:33 PM, April 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our d days are very close - mine was late April. I'm also a linear thinker that thrives on bullet pointed lists. It is clear that one year in you have made great progress in healing and wrapping your hands around your new reality, both the good and the bad. Congratulations on surviving the first year.


40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller


Posts: 638 | Registered: May 2013
Klove
♀ Member
Member # 42096
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, April 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The one positive is that I have become closer to my daughter, but itís perfectly possible that this would have happened without the divorce.

Possible it would have happened without the divorce...
BUT- living longer with the dead weight of a spoiled, self entitled spouse may have actually harmed your closeness with your daughter...
In my situation, now that my stbxwh is gone from the house, I notice my patience, wonder of, and focus on my boys has become...not INCREASED- but better quality. Without the drama of my stbxwh and the yr 1/2 of false R I put up with- I am a WAY BETTER mom because I can100% focus on the boys. I can see us growing closer now than ever.


"But stand still is all I did
Love like ours is never fixed
Still I stuck around
I did behave
I saved you every time
I was a fool for love
I was a fool for love"

Posts: 294 | Registered: Jan 2014
stronger08
♂ Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 12:29 AM, April 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I like the analogy of marriages being like houses. Yours was blown apart by the tornado of infidelity. You have had a year to clear the rubble and are left with a vacant lot. Its now up to you, and you alone as to what and how you rebuild. Sure it would be easier to move away and rebuild somewhere else, but that's the easy way out. It takes a tough person to go back to the scene of the crime and move forward.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5676 | Registered: Nov 2007
Topic Posts: 4

Return to Forum: Divorce/Separation Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.