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Newest Member: FeebleHercules (44938)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: He stared AD
tryin2havefaith
♀ Member
Member # 37165
Default  Posted: 8:13 AM, April 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Update…..

My FWH did follow through and get AD and started doing weekly IC. It has only been a week on the AD and he says he has started to notice a difference. He does not feel quite as overwhelmed by little setbacks. I have noticed that he has been a lot more loving towards me and been a bit less stressed by everyday things. I have actually seen him smile more in the last week. I know it is not a lot of time, but I am seeing a change. It is small, but it is a change in the right direction.

I have let a lawyer look over the S papers I wrote up. I have decided to hold off presenting them to him for a few weeks to see if his changes are for real and not just the short live reactionary response to my being upset.


ME- BS
HIM- WS
DDay 1/2011
4 - 6 months of TT'ing
Fully R'd
"Just as ripples spread out when a single pebble is dropped into water, the actions of individuals can have far-reaching effects. " -Dalai Lama

Posts: 265 | Registered: Oct 2012
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, April 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hopeful for you both.

(((hugs)))


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3800 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
cheatingwho
♀ New Member
Member # 37407
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, April 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just a small thing, ADs take at least 6 weeks to build up in the system, at the very earliest you could expect a change is maybe 4 weeks into taking the meds. So that means any positive changes are all him, not the meds.


ME: 32 BS
HIM:35 WS
D-Day: March 28, 2011- 3 yr LTA with a client

Lost OUR daughter Nov. 9, 2010
Have a 17 yr son not allowed to see

Ring after being days away from Divorce

Still you wonder who's cheating who and who's being true


Posts: 16 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Palm Beach, FL
tryin2havefaith
♀ Member
Member # 37165
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, April 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am on AD myself, I know they take a couple of weeks to reach full effect. I am just happy to be seeing positive changes. We could not go forward without him addressing this. I was ready to be done if he did not address the depression


ME- BS
HIM- WS
DDay 1/2011
4 - 6 months of TT'ing
Fully R'd
"Just as ripples spread out when a single pebble is dropped into water, the actions of individuals can have far-reaching effects. " -Dalai Lama

Posts: 265 | Registered: Oct 2012
cheatingwho
♀ New Member
Member # 37407
Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, April 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, I was merely trying to point out that it is him changing, not the meds changing him. So he is making an effort. It's sad how often you have to take such drastic measures and go right up to the edge before people will see what you are talking about and change.


ME: 32 BS
HIM:35 WS
D-Day: March 28, 2011- 3 yr LTA with a client

Lost OUR daughter Nov. 9, 2010
Have a 17 yr son not allowed to see

Ring after being days away from Divorce

Still you wonder who's cheating who and who's being true


Posts: 16 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Palm Beach, FL
tryin2havefaith
♀ Member
Member # 37165
Default  Posted: 6:28 PM, April 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I understand...thanks :)

Yes, it is sad when it takes going all the way up to the line of no return to get them to see the light. I feel like I have wasted all these years of R because he was refusing to address the depression. I just knew that I could not go forward with him like that. There could be no R with a H refusing to deal with the very thing that started him down that A path. What would be the point? It would leave that door, that vulnerability there still. That was something I just couldn't not live with and heal properly.


ME- BS
HIM- WS
DDay 1/2011
4 - 6 months of TT'ing
Fully R'd
"Just as ripples spread out when a single pebble is dropped into water, the actions of individuals can have far-reaching effects. " -Dalai Lama

Posts: 265 | Registered: Oct 2012
tryin2havefaith
♀ Member
Member # 37165
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very productive MC session.

He finally REALLY talked. Said things I have waited so long to hear. Not just an Im sorry, but enumerated whs t he was sorry for. In depth. He let me know what it is he is carrying...the guilt, the shame, his loss of his moral compass. He quite literally had it pouring out of him for 30 solid minutes. All of which ended up causing me to have a bad nightmare last night, but even then he was present than in the past. He tried helping decipher the symbols rather than his standard-- im sorry and to put his head on my chest.


ME- BS
HIM- WS
DDay 1/2011
4 - 6 months of TT'ing
Fully R'd
"Just as ripples spread out when a single pebble is dropped into water, the actions of individuals can have far-reaching effects. " -Dalai Lama

Posts: 265 | Registered: Oct 2012
Topic Posts: 7

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