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allatsea (original poster member #38923) posted at 11:17 AM on Friday, April 4th, 2014
Hello everyone,
I'm finally here! Just over a year to get divorced. Financial hearing in June and then I'm totally free.
I'm sure there will be some more ups and downs, but for now I'm just happy to be alongside Abbondad and sharing the journey with all of you
Thanks
AAS
You can't fix crazy. All you can do is document it
Kajem ( member #36134) posted at 12:41 PM on Friday, April 4th, 2014
Welcome to your new beginning AAS.
I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - UnknownRelationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.
Merlin ( member #30221) posted at 1:33 PM on Friday, April 4th, 2014
And so begins the task.
Best to all your efforts AAS.
"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence
Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11
Abbondad ( member #37898) posted at 1:37 PM on Friday, April 4th, 2014
Awesome, AAS. We did it. Pull up a stool for a toast.
Divorced April Fool's Day 2014
Fear is the mind-killer.Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.I will face my fear.I will permit it to pass over me and through me.-Dune
Williesmom ( member #22870) posted at 1:47 PM on Friday, April 4th, 2014
Holy Hell! Abbondad is bringing a posse!
Welcome to all.
You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright
wildbananas ( member #10552) posted at 2:43 PM on Friday, April 4th, 2014
Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan
tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 5:06 PM on Friday, April 4th, 2014
Wow !!!! Crazy that you both ended up D in the same week.
Congrats.
Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.
FaithFool ( member #20150) posted at 5:08 PM on Friday, April 4th, 2014
Welcome to our new graduates. Don't forget to check out the Fun and Games thread, especially Stupid Picture Friday. 
DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire
EvenKeel ( member #24210) posted at 5:58 PM on Friday, April 4th, 2014
Welcome the newbies to NB!
wonderingbull ( member #14833) posted at 6:41 PM on Friday, April 4th, 2014
Welcome my man...
Decompress and know that your tomorrows will be better than your yesterdays...
WB
The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...
James Taylor
seekingright2013 ( member #37991) posted at 12:33 AM on Saturday, April 5th, 2014
Welcome, AAS! So glad you made it through.
“I tramp a perpetual journey.”
― Walt Whitman, Song of Myself
Brandon808 ( member #35619) posted at 4:04 AM on Sunday, April 6th, 2014
Welcome AAS
homewrecked2011 ( member #34678) posted at 7:52 AM on Sunday, April 6th, 2014
Yay!!! congrats to you for being ready for this part of your life!
Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage, but calms His child. Dday 12/19/11I went to an attorney and had him served. Shocked the hell out of him, with D papers, I'm proud to say!D final10/30/2012Me-55
stronger08 ( member #16953) posted at 9:03 AM on Sunday, April 6th, 2014
Welcome to the warm side of the pool bro. It sure beats the cold ass deep end that is JFO don't it ? Take your time, don't rush into things and you will be just fine.
You cant eat soup with chopsticks.
little turtle ( member #15584) posted at 8:03 PM on Sunday, April 6th, 2014
Failure is success if we learn from it.
ButterflyGirl ( member #38377) posted at 12:35 AM on Monday, April 7th, 2014
So glad we made it down here. Where shall we start first?
Does an adult hip hop dance class count as a New Beginning?
[This message edited by ButterflyGirl at 6:55 PM, April 6th (Sunday)]
allatsea (original poster member #38923) posted at 10:38 AM on Monday, April 7th, 2014
Thanks for making all feel so welcome.
The best group of people I'll probably never meet. You are all such good friends.
Thank you
AAS
You can't fix crazy. All you can do is document it
allatsea (original poster member #38923) posted at 3:59 PM on Tuesday, April 8th, 2014
My new beginning hasn't got off to the best start. I seem to have regressed many months of healing. My mind spends inappropriate amounts of time dwelling on what I and my boys have lost. The boys don't see it fully yet but I'm feeling sorry for myself and still can't quite believe she did this to me.
I know she claims to have not been happy so I've been replaying our marriage over and over, particularly the last couple of years. I had mild depression but recovered from that quickly. Her life seems rosy and could well be happy, for all I know. But I then think that someone as happy as she purports wouldn't have been so nasty, blame shifting and cruel. I guess I'm still trying to understand.
Meanwhile, my evenings are quite and lonely and hers are full of family, baby talk and my noisy children. She carries on without any perceivable loss to her life. She's lost nothing.
I guess I'm in a bit of a dip in the rollercoaster ride
You can't fix crazy. All you can do is document it
norabird ( member #42092) posted at 6:39 PM on Tuesday, April 8th, 2014
(((AAS)))
I think that the momentum of D can help keep the rollercoaster from having so many dips. There is a goal, and you can focus your energy on it.
Now, without that target, it's natural to have more reflection. It's final--that will take some time to sink in.
But she has not lost nothing. She has lost you. And you are wonderful. You know you are not 'nothing', I hope. If she can somehow show no impact from that? Well, of course you can't understand that--it's not normal. And you can't make her understand that it isn't normal, you can't impact the facade she is presenting and prove that it is flawed. How frustrating.
I think to mourn now, to be bewildered and hurt, is natural. I hope you also have new, good things for yourself to focus on. What would those be? Once you've felt the feelings...what do you want to do with those evenings, when you're ready? What do you want your life to be filled by? Don't worry about her so much; that's out of your control. But you have all the control over yourself now.
allatsea (original poster member #38923) posted at 6:42 AM on Wednesday, April 9th, 2014
Nora,
Thanks so much for your post.
Sometimes I can't see what's right in front of me. Yes, she lait me. I am not nothing.
Next milestone is coping with the wonderful news about the newborn from my children followed shortly after by the financial hearing.
One day at a time
You can't fix crazy. All you can do is document it
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