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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Well... it's over.
debi9kids
♀ Member
Member # 33208
Sad  Posted: 6:18 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

3 1/2 years ago he cheated.
Had a baby with the woman.
He chose our family and for 3 years it's been "good". (at times trying, but good)

10 months ago things started to go sour.
It immediately made me assume he was cheating again.
He stopped touching me and started with the insults "you're too fat", "too ugly", "you just don't turn me on".

We started counseling together again.
And were making progress.
Until last week when he decided to just end it all.

I checked his phone records and he is talking to her again.
I have no idea how long it's been going on and nothing he says matters anymore.
He's a flat-out LIAR.

And my heart is still broken.
Because I'm apparently a HUGE doormat.

Never thought I would be dealing with this crap.

I'm definitely in the VERY early stages of grief because I'm a freakin mess.
I'm pissed one second and bawling the next.
I have ZERO desire to eat but shove a bottle of alcohol in front of me and I would down that sucker (I'm not. I know better, but still...)

I know it's all baby steps but this is just plain old bullshit


Me: 42 Him: 41
OW: 43 (crazy stalker)
Married: 18 years, together 22
Children: 20 ds, 19dd, 18dd, 16ds, 15ds, 15ds, 12ds, twins: 7dd & 7ds
confirmed OC 3ds

Posts: 163 | Registered: Aug 2011
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 6:34 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, honey. I'm so very sorry. ((((((debi9kids))))))

What an ass. What a blameshifting, abusive ass. You are NOT a doormat - you are a woman who has been fighting for her marriage. He's a lying, cheating, false R fronting jackass. And he does NOT deserve you.

Sending you strength for the journey ahead and comfort for the pain you are feeling. There are far better days ahead of you, honey. I promise.

((((more hugs))))


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24436 | Registered: Aug 2011
courageous
♀ Member
Member # 34477
Default  Posted: 6:53 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry. I know it hurts a lot. You are NOT a doormat. You are a very strong woman who gave a lying, cheating, a-hole a precious gift of a second chance. He doesn't deserve you.

You know that he is insulting you because he needs to cut you down to make himself feel better.... You are not fat or ugly. He is ugly...inside and out.

(Debi9kids).


Me: BW (35)
Him: ExWH (31) EA/PA with MOW coworker
Married 9 years, 2 small kids
dday 3/12/2011 divorced fall 2012

My ipad does a lot of crazy typos.


Posts: 620 | Registered: Jan 2012
Leia
♀ Member
Member # 42510
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry for your pain. Like the others, he isn't worth you and it says a lot about you to give your marriage a second chance. Remember when he's cutting you down, that it is more lies from a liar. Lots of hugs.


"Somebody get this walking carpet out of my way." Princess Leia, Star Wars

Posts: 296 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Kansas
HurtsButImOK
♀ Member
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Hugs, hugs and more hugs)))

So very sorry you find yourself here after giving him the gift of R. Try and take care of yourself and your babies. You deserve better.


Me: Awesome - 35

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be". –


Posts: 722 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
SadInNC
♀ Member
Member # 42170
Default  Posted: 8:20 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi debi9kids. You are NOT a doormat. He IS a lying, cheating asshole. I'm so sorry for your pain.

(((debi9kids)))


BS/Me WH/Him

"Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth." -Unknown Wise Person


Posts: 337 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: North Carolina, United States
freeatlast72
♀ Member
Member # 42758
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Screw him!! He is a LIAR and a cheater!

No contact his ASS!


BS:41 (me)
WH: 41
Kids: DD6
DDay: 12/31/2013
Married 15 years
Separated as of 01/16/2014,now divorcing...WH did not want to reconcile.

You can't rationalize irrational behavior.


Posts: 135 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: North Carolina
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 8:38 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry. We're here for you.

(((debi9kids)))


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3537 | Registered: Oct 2011
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He stopped touching me and started with the insults "you're too fat", "too ugly", "you just don't turn me on".

FTG. Are you kidding me right now? How the hell did you get nine kids if you can't turn your husband on?

Lying, cheating jerk. Blame shifting abusive...wait - I love that line in NatureGirl's sig...abusive troglodyte...yes. We may have to borrow that from her.

(((Debi9kid))). I'm so sorry things have ended up this way for you. You did your best. You can't do it for both of you.

Lawyer up, honey.

Oh - and water. Drink your water. Leave the alcohol where it is. No. EAT whether you want to or not. It will get better.

[This message edited by nekorb at 9:44 PM, April 4th (Friday)]


Me: BS 44
Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat
Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
Heading for Divorce
3 kids: 15,17,19

Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart, wait for The Lord.


Posts: 1699 | Registered: Aug 2013
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:59 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((((((((Debi9kids)))))))))))))

Life will get better... I promise!

Till then, know that we care!

Hugs,
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4854 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
hexed
♀ Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((debi))

i'm so sorry!

i'm going to be practical for a minute. get yourself to the lawyer on monday. if there are OC you need to file for CS immediately.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8407 | Registered: Apr 2008
RedWheelBarrow
♀ Member
Member # 38966
Default  Posted: 2:04 AM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh. So sorry. What a loser! What a fucking loser. He has another chance with you, and his kids, and he blows it again.
He sucks.
What helped me in the early days, practically-speaking, was smoothies. I made them, I bought them, people brought them to me. I could not seem to *chew* food at all for maybe 2 months - but I could suck down a 700 calorie banana-almond smoothie, or whatever other flavor. It kept me alive, and healthy-ish.
((hugs))


Me: BW 50
Him:Rockstar late 50's
DS: 10 , so precious.
Married 14 years, together 17 years
DDay #1 Nov.2012, plus more, more, more!
OW : 25 years younger than him, left her BH for my prize beast.
He moved in with her April,2013.
D Filed 4/

Posts: 98 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: NW
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 2:13 AM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Slim-Fast or other nutrition shakes work well. Just make sure they have some nutrients in them to help keep you going.

((debi9kids))


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1545 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Vulcanized
♀ Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 2:35 AM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Debi)))

I'm sorry you are dealing w/such a colossal FT.

Slim Fast is good, Ensure is good, oatmeal is also easy to get down (and if you are a puker, easy to get back up).


(((more hugs)))

FTG.


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 730 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Debi))

I'm sorry.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7430 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
thenon-goddess
♀ Member
Member # 31229
Default  Posted: 6:35 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Debi, I have checked in on you on "the other board" a couple of times, but didn't expect this update. I'm so sorry to read this. Is he still living at home?


Status: divorcing
Typing on an iPhone - please excuse the typos!

Posts: 1238 | Registered: Feb 2011
debi9kids
♀ Member
Member # 33208
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@thenon-goddess He is for now. UGH
2 nights a week he is in PA but he's looking for his own place now. Thank God.

Thank you everyone for food suggestions.
I've been living off of Cream of Wheat and Slim Fast.

As time goes by I definitely realize I am SO much better off without him.


Me: 42 Him: 41
OW: 43 (crazy stalker)
Married: 18 years, together 22
Children: 20 ds, 19dd, 18dd, 16ds, 15ds, 15ds, 12ds, twins: 7dd & 7ds
confirmed OC 3ds

Posts: 163 | Registered: Aug 2011
Topic Posts: 17

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