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User Topic: triggering hard...help
twitching
♀ Member
Member # 42399
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can't breathe. Talk to me.


"My heart was broken and my head was just barely inhabitable. " - Anne Lamont

Posts: 128 | Registered: Feb 2014
OutoftheDeep
♀ Member
Member # 42601
Default  Posted: 6:36 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry, just breathe....what's going on??


Me - maybe BW
He - maybe WH
both 40ish

My mother was always the OW
ExWH in first marriage had LTA. DDAY was November 2003.
Current marriage:
2/2013 Busted him at strip club.
then...
Porous boundaries w/ ho-worker


Posts: 276 | Registered: Feb 2014
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Twitching - what's the trigger? Hyperventilating? Mind movies? I've been there...need someone to talk to? Talk to us.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3769 | Registered: Dec 2011
OutoftheDeep
♀ Member
Member # 42601
Default  Posted: 6:39 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I deal with triggers like I deal with panic attacks, just let the thoughts pass, go splash ice cold water in your face, it really does kind of skip your reflexes back on track a little, go outside and take long deep breaths of fresh air.

I also do hard math problems in my head.

So sorry, it will pass....


Me - maybe BW
He - maybe WH
both 40ish

My mother was always the OW
ExWH in first marriage had LTA. DDAY was November 2003.
Current marriage:
2/2013 Busted him at strip club.
then...
Porous boundaries w/ ho-worker


Posts: 276 | Registered: Feb 2014
twitching
♀ Member
Member # 42399
Default  Posted: 6:42 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The only emails i ever "got" to read between them were from a religious retreat weekend. Now I was just informed that he has to go to the retreat grounds tomorrow to do some stuff for others who are going this weekend. I can't go. It is stupid and irrational, but I know when he was there before she was on his mind instead of me. I feel so anxious. It isn't even really threatening. I just am so triggered and can't think straight.


"My heart was broken and my head was just barely inhabitable. " - Anne Lamont

Posts: 128 | Registered: Feb 2014
twitching
♀ Member
Member # 42399
Default  Posted: 6:51 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hard crying. The ugly kind.


"My heart was broken and my head was just barely inhabitable. " - Anne Lamont

Posts: 128 | Registered: Feb 2014
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 6:53 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honey I'm so sorry. Just try to breathe. You're not stupid or irrational. Picture us all in your livingroom, taking turns giving you big hugs.

Is there someone you can call?

(((((((twitching))))))))


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16451 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
nomoreblueskies
♀ New Member
Member # 41574
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((twitching)))))

It's not stupid or irrational,it's a natural response to the hurt. It's there to protect you - to make sure that when the situation is similar you are able to take actions to not get hurt again. A pre-warning of danger :-)

Look at them as your friend, not something to fear. Break it down and try to work out what you need to do. Does your husband know how you feel about him going? What could he do to make you feel better? Does he really need to go in person, or could someone else do the preparations with his guidance?

Deep breaths and sending you big hugs. Horrible damn things!


It's life, Jim, but not as we know it

Posts: 20 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: uk
knutz
♀ Member
Member # 28877
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sweetie, I've been at this for over 4 years now. The first year was constant triggers. The only things that got me through it were my mantra: "he is not doing it now. It was in the past. I need to be living in the present". It didnt always help, but it often helped.

The other was music. I literally listened to Ingrid Michaelson's "Keep Breathing" over & over. Google it. It is mesmerizing.

One hour at a time when you need it. We are all here for you. We get it.


Together 23 years
Married 20 Years
BW (me) 48
FWH: 49 (rSA)
2 children, 9 & 12
DDay: December 27, 2009
"Life is not what it is supposed to be. It is what it is. The way we cope with it is what makes the difference". Virginia Satir

Posts: 204 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: New England
twitching
♀ Member
Member # 42399
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok. I'm ok. Thank you. He isn't doing anything wrong. It isn't happening anymore.

You know, I hate that saying,"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." It isn't true. I may be wiser, but I am not stronger. I am weaker and more vulnerable than ever.

I really appreciate you for talking to me. It helped. I can breathe now.


"My heart was broken and my head was just barely inhabitable. " - Anne Lamont

Posts: 128 | Registered: Feb 2014
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 7:52 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's not always going to feel like this, I promise.


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16451 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 8:04 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's not always going to feel like this, I promise.

Twitching - this is SOOO true. It takes a long time for some of us...took me 14 months to stop crying. Everyday. Multiple times a day. Everyone here knows the thoughts so I don't even need to describe them because you know what? They aren't original. I'm not the first, or the last. Neither are you. It's a shitty experience, one that I don't wish on anyone, but there's a way forward. You get over it, you'll get through it. I'm a few months past two years. I still trigger all the time, have nightmares, shit that a lot of the people on here understand. I hate to say it, but it's normal.

But you know what? I live, I breathe, I have fun, I enjoy life. Not sure what the epiphany was, but I think it was more of a slow process of just loving me and doing self care. I didn't neglect anyone in the process (or harm any animals) but somehow I got here. I'm on AD's - I see a neuropsychologist bi-weekly, I'm a work in process. Last years seeds are this years flowers. Looking forward to the blooms.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3769 | Registered: Dec 2011
lilflower1000
♀ Member
Member # 36634
Default  Posted: 8:30 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Twitch, glad you're feeling better. You are a strong woman. I am not nearly as rational as you are about these things. I drove past OW on the road today and it threw my whole day off. I went home and stated at the wall for about 30 min. I even get that away when I see the type of car he gave her., so don't feel that you are being irrational.

Thanks for the post it has helped me too. I am also having difficulty w/ panic attacks today. I feel like I should be over it by now since I am about 17 mos out. ( I am not sure whether to count from d-day or true R date) I am sorry you all have these issues too, but nice to know I'm not alone. At least I don't feel quite so crazy when I read that others are having the same types of reactions .


lilflower1000
Me: 44 BS
Married 12 yrs
Dday:8/1/2012
True R: 12/2012
4kids(11, 8, 5, 4mos)+ 2 Step kids I love like my own

Posts: 299 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Georgia
lilflower1000
♀ Member
Member # 36634
Default  Posted: 8:30 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Twitch, glad you're feeling better. You are a strong woman. I am not nearly as rational as you are about these things. I drove past OW on the road today and it threw my whole day off. I went home and stated at the wall for about 30 min. I even get that away when I see the type of car he gave her., so don't feel that you are being irrational.

Thanks for the post it has helped me too. I am also having difficulty w/ panic attacks today. I feel like I should be over it by now since I am about 17 mos out. ( I am not sure whether to count from d-day or true R date) I am sorry you all have these issues too, but nice to know I'm not alone. At least I don't feel quite so crazy when I read that others are having the same types of reactions .


lilflower1000
Me: 44 BS
Married 12 yrs
Dday:8/1/2012
True R: 12/2012
4kids(11, 8, 5, 4mos)+ 2 Step kids I love like my own

Posts: 299 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Georgia
twitching
♀ Member
Member # 42399
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It was a bad night. I knew it would be bad, but I didnt expect the invisible gaping wound to throb so much. It overtook me, like drowning. It only stopped with sleep. Today I just feel like I am recovering from the flu.


"My heart was broken and my head was just barely inhabitable. " - Anne Lamont

Posts: 128 | Registered: Feb 2014
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 5:51 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Be very kind to yourself today and tomorrow. And GOOD JOB for reaching out for support!


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4588 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
LeftOutintheCold
♀ Member
Member # 42856
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, April 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This group is amazing! I'm glad you were able to reach out and hopefully get some strength from here. I'm still in the very early stages and am not looking forward to the long road ahead of me. It's nice to hear that the triggers lessen somewhat over time. It's encouraging. I hope you're feeling better today.


Me - 42
WH - 40
Dday - 3/6/14
Married 5yrs, together over 10
Status - still separated

Posts: 325 | Registered: Mar 2014
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 5:35 PM, April 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How are you feeling today twitching? We're all sending strength and support.


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16451 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Topic Posts: 18

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