Mine was caught, and gas lighted me for two months before admitting it. Several months of angry venting toward me followed. Confession? Seems better, but I would have settled for caught + remorseful. Unremorseful sucks.
I think others are right, in that we often imagine a different situation would be better. Mine *only* pursued affairs unsuccessfully (ummm, except for this hpv that apparently came from a toilet seat) for three years. A ONS seems better, but I'll bet one of you whose WS did that would be willing to trade me.