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User Topic: Big mistake - venting to WH family
LivingLearning
♀ Member
Member # 42637
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

text her back that her son should stop cheating. If he weren't cheating there would be nothing to tell.

And if you want to be snarky ask her why she didn't raise him to be a better man.

^^ I respectfully disagree Oftencheatedon, placing blame on someone else for his cheating will not help any situation. It will separate her more from his family, and cause them to only blame her more. It was his actions. Not his family's. They might not be reacting to the situation correctly, but honestly, who does? When we aren't faced with infidelity and even when we are but don't get help from a place like SI, we don't know what or how to think. Let's try not to blameshift. My opinion is that in this situation it is just best to not discuss the topic with the other family anymore. I made some mistakes in who I told too. We all do, Imissmyhusb.


Living and learning how to move forward
Me: BGf
Him: WBf
Dday: 02/2013

Posts: 116 | Registered: Mar 2014
sunvalley
♀ Member
Member # 42952
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think that's why it said if you want to be 'snarky' and frankly there were times where I was tempted to do the same since they were so willing to finger point at me, but ultimately placing blame on the family won't help the situation. My MIL turned on me because IC started focusing on his childhood and the beliefs that were instilled in him. That was enough for her to project the blame on me. Just staying NC is usually what's best. I've been NC with MIL for 6m now and it's been hard but has empowered me because I know how she treated me was wrong and I know that I did not retaliate by projecting onto her, in fact I helped her dispel her fears that this was somehow 'about' her and she paid me back by blaming me instead...that says a lot to me now that I'm removed from the drama and hurt by a few months. I tried to explain my feelings to her at first because I did feel let down by her too and wanted an apology, because she kicked me while I was down. But she is too closely tied to our situation and WH to have an unbiased opinion and I've come to terms with that. it's her issue, not mine and I've told her I won't wear what she has said about me but beyond that I keep my distance.

Posts: 601 | Registered: Mar 2014
Imissmyhusb
♀ Member
Member # 42734
Default  Posted: 10:18 PM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Got it.

She doesn't know he is cheating but i told her i thought he was. Surprisingly she told me i had the option to leave if i was unhappy. I know this already but i kinda figured she would push for me to try and save it. Maybe she knows more than i think
She also told me if i thought it was worth fighting for then i need to fight and do some things i havent done. I would love to tell her everythg but i think it would break her heart


Met '95 - dated '97 - married '03 - dday '13
3 kids 7y and 4y twins, me - sahm since '07, him - idk him any more
~~~~~~~~~
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.

Posts: 230 | Registered: Mar 2014
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 1:18 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This was the hardest part for me... The total lack of support from my ws family. I called to tell them he was falling apart and they blamed me. I finally had to realized who they really are-- people blinded by ws.

WS doesn't want anyone to know because affairs are like mushrooms -- they grow in dark places and when the sun shines on them they wither and die. He doesnt want reality to stare him in the face . well, u live in reality , so Just be matter of fact with his family. He's cheating on you and the children . Why protect him? R e a l i t y wakes a person up faster than covering for them.


Have u seen an atty-- I'd say do that first to see where u legally stand . Have u told the spouse of ow?


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2149 | Registered: Jan 2012
crazynot
♀ Member
Member # 24572
Default  Posted: 1:33 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Be prepared, your relationship with your in-laws will probably change in this process. I read from your posts that your WH has already made the decision to leave, and I know how hard that is. In my case, in the same situation, I reached out to MIL and BIL (my kids' grandmother and uncle, I was sure they would protect them), and although shocked, they did, of course, take WH's side. Even though I'd known these people for 30 years and had them in my home every Christmas. While they were always kind to me, they DID rally round their flesh and blood. Just warning you, they are unlikely to be able to help you get WH back... if that's even part of what you're thinking, as I was.


Me - 50
Him - 51
DDay 21 March 2009
Divorcing and delighted!

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.


Posts: 863 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: UK
Imissmyhusb
♀ Member
Member # 42734
Default  Posted: 7:38 AM, April 26th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have u seen an atty-- I'd say do that first to see where u legally stand . Have u told the spouse of ow?

I have had a couple of consultation. I will get child and spouse support but not sure how much spouse support

I hav been in contact w OWH for abt two wks comparing notes. He is the one who was able to officially confirm the affair bcuz she confessd aftr he confronted her w his VARs

I read from your posts that your WH has already made the decision to leave

He says so but hes not makg any moves to go anywhere. I could b wrong, he could be hiding that too


Met '95 - dated '97 - married '03 - dday '13
3 kids 7y and 4y twins, me - sahm since '07, him - idk him any more
~~~~~~~~~
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.

Posts: 230 | Registered: Mar 2014
Topic Posts: 26
Pages: 1 · 2

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