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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Advice please
Breezy150
♀ Member
Member # 42421
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Last night I was going through WHs Facebook and there were still a couple of messages on there from OW from the time during the A. I knew they were on there they weren't flirty at all but they still triggered me when I saw them. I decided to figure out how to delete them with my WH sitting right by me and accidentally hit the like button, I figured out real quick how to delete and hoped it didn't go through. Had a wonderful evening watching movies with WH and kind if forgot about it. This morning he wakes me up to show me that she messages back a smiley face. He never responded and I told her BH about it, because she was so quick to respond.i felt great that he reported the contact immediately to me as it is the first time she has tried to contact.

Now for the advice I need. The town she lives in is having a big dart tournament and we were not going to go, but a lot of people from out of town are there that I would like to see. We were thinking of going and playing one event to see all our friends and leaving. Part of me says not to go and another part says to go and show a united loving front and get it over with so we can get the first time over with. I am feeling strong today and know that it is going to happen someday.


I am so disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually start on fire.

BS me 41
WH 42 his whore was my friend
Married 24 years
Finally finding R?
3 kids 3 grand kids
DDay 1 -Jan 2 2014
DDay 2 -Feb 20 2014 A went underground fo


Posts: 539 | Registered: Feb 2014
LeftOutintheCold
♀ Member
Member # 42856
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That he immediately showed you her response is encouraging. I feel that maybe going to this tournament could be test of sorts and, like you suggested, a statement as well.

It sounds like you two are on the right track to R. Make a pact with each other before you go: If at any time during the tournament you feel uncomfortable for whatever reason, you are both free to leave and return home. No questions asked.


Me - 42
WH - 40
Dday - 3/6/14
Married 5yrs, together over 10
Status - still separated

Posts: 323 | Registered: Mar 2014
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 5:11 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Go. Always go when you're feeling strong. Also, talk about some strategy before you go.

What will you do if she is there?
What will you do if she tries to approach?
What will you do if she tries to talk to you?

Think about all of the "what ifs" that you can think of, come up with a united stand, practice them so they are pretty much automatic, and head on in. Also, I would suggest a "code" word or phrase that either of you can use that will say to the other, I'm overwhelmed and I would like to leave right now. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4551 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Breezy150
♀ Member
Member # 42421
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, April 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you guys for the advice. That is what we did. We did end up leaving a little early but that was because I had one too many cocktails and figured we were better off leaving than the possibility of me causing a scene.

It all went really good til we left, then I had lowered my inhibitions enough to really let my WH have it all the way home. Probably not fair, but is also don't feel bad, he has faced no consequences really, I'm too nice of a person to let him see the real depth of my anger, so it was about time he had to see what he has done to me.


I am so disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually start on fire.

BS me 41
WH 42 his whore was my friend
Married 24 years
Finally finding R?
3 kids 3 grand kids
DDay 1 -Jan 2 2014
DDay 2 -Feb 20 2014 A went underground fo


Posts: 539 | Registered: Feb 2014
LeftOutintheCold
♀ Member
Member # 42856
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, April 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm glad it went well! Don't feel bad for exposing some of your anger. That's healthy and those feelings aren't going to disappear overnight, especially if you aren't letting them out very often. One hurdle down!


Me - 42
WH - 40
Dday - 3/6/14
Married 5yrs, together over 10
Status - still separated

Posts: 323 | Registered: Mar 2014
Breezy150
♀ Member
Member # 42421
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, April 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you. I think that was one of the biggest Hurdles down, not only to see her all day but the tournament was in a place that they had done stuff. Didn't trigger until I left but that was acceptable.

WH just called and she messages him on Facebook the minute we left. Damn my fat fingers for hitting that like button. Lol, she is fishing again for sure. Oh well ***crickets *** from us.


I am so disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually start on fire.

BS me 41
WH 42 his whore was my friend
Married 24 years
Finally finding R?
3 kids 3 grand kids
DDay 1 -Jan 2 2014
DDay 2 -Feb 20 2014 A went underground fo


Posts: 539 | Registered: Feb 2014
LeftOutintheCold
♀ Member
Member # 42856
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, April 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, don't give her the satisfaction of any response!!


Me - 42
WH - 40
Dday - 3/6/14
Married 5yrs, together over 10
Status - still separated

Posts: 323 | Registered: Mar 2014
missyb32641
♀ Member
Member # 35656
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, April 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just block her. That will send a clear message.


ME: BS 41
Him FWH 43
Married 20 years together 22 at the time.
Working thru R.

Posts: 273 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Florida
Breezy150
♀ Member
Member # 42421
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, April 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was going to block her but then I decided to give WH enough rope to hang himself if he was going to. I want to be able to watch and see what she does. It's probably sick, but if they are going to talk I'd rather sooner than later. Plus this way I could see if he would do the right thing, and he did for all it's worth now.


I am so disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually start on fire.

BS me 41
WH 42 his whore was my friend
Married 24 years
Finally finding R?
3 kids 3 grand kids
DDay 1 -Jan 2 2014
DDay 2 -Feb 20 2014 A went underground fo


Posts: 539 | Registered: Feb 2014
Topic Posts: 9

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