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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: what is this
lovehonorcherish
♀ Member
Member # 41843
Default  Posted: 9:04 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am at the end of my rope and I need advice badly! Moved out of the house after H's AP contacted me to confirm that the two of them are still very much involved. I have an appointment with my attorney to begin divorce proceedings on Thursday since the R effort was obviously a huge failure. H has been texting on and off since I left on Wednesday but he was just off the rails today. Begging, pleading, swearing he will cut off contact with AP immediately if I just give him one more chance...he loves me, he cant' and won't live without me, he needs me. The things he says...he just makes no sense, like he doesn't even hear himself: "Yes, I talk to AP, confide in her, screw her sometimes but I love you, I want to be with you, you can help me fix this mess I've made of my life". I am so rattled by his behavior that I am shaking like a leaf and on the verge of vomiting. Do I just ignore him? Call a counselor? Call his parents? Get a restraining order? Help!


I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change...I am changing the things I cannot accept.

Posts: 125 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Northeastern US
Gotmegood
♀ Member
Member # 41407
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yikes. He sounds pretty self absorbed and childish. I rather feel like you should not get drawn into the crazy shitstorm he has created. It is scary to watch someone you love(d) act like they have lost their control. Try to remember that he managed very well until getting caught. I don't think you need to feel that it is your job to rescue him. Hopefully others will be along to help you.


Me: faithful wife 62.
Him: WH 64 , prostitute 20 yr old
DDay: 8-13-2013
Status: boinging up and down like a yo-yo

Posts: 462 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Florida
devasted30
♀ Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you have proof, undeniable proof that the AP is telling you the truth? If so, sit on it for a while. Let him stew. This is a huge decision. You don't want to make a decision in haste and regret it later. Another few days won't matter one way or the other since you are seeing a lawyer on Thursday. Let him suffer a little longer and then if you decide to go ahead and divorce him, go for it!!!

Posts: 1142 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
lovehonorcherish
♀ Member
Member # 41843
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, after going around and around on Tuesday night he admitted that she has been in the picture all along...through all the IC, through all the MC...she has been right there for the past year and he has had sexual relations with her as recently as one month ago


I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change...I am changing the things I cannot accept.

Posts: 125 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Northeastern US
Flatlined123
♀ Member
Member # 35862
Default  Posted: 9:24 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think the H just confirmed they are still seeing each other with the text of "I still screw her sometimes".

It's not your job to fix him, it's his job.

Hugs to you. I hope you have someone you can lean on through this.


Me: BS 43
H : WS 46
DD #1 7-11-08
DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.
Started R in 12-09
"If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be able to bench press a Buick."

Posts: 668 | Registered: Jun 2012
Lostinthismess
♀ Member
Member # 39210
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he was serious, he would have dumped her and cut all ties. Instead if 'I will cut all ties IF you give me a chance' it should be 'she's gone, I never want to see her again, I will do anything'. He sounds like he will always keep her in the picture 'just in case' you two don't work out.


Dday- 4/4/13
fwh- harrypotter
'You just keep living, until you are alive again'
'I don't want perfect, I want honest'

Posts: 330 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Ca
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 7:55 AM, April 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tell him to fix himself.

Then? Maybe.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7393 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
lastdance
♀ Member
Member # 42401
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, April 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

this person is not in love with you.......when you love you do not hurt or destroy ........he lied while at counseling........do you really think you can trust him.......why even communicate with hum.......you already know who and what he is......what more do you need......how much more abuse are you willing to put up with.......is this the way you want to live the rest of your life.....you know he will do it again.....JUST TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.....HAVE YOU SEEN A DOCTOR TO GET TESTED.......DO NOT LET HIM GIVE YOU A DEADLY DISEASE....THAT IS WHAT YOU NEED TO THINK ABOUT....HE CAN END YOUR LIFE .......HIS CHEATING CAN KILL YOU.......WHY WOULD YOU WANT HIM NEAR YOU

Posts: 153 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: orlando, fl
lastdance
♀ Member
Member # 42401
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, April 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

this person is not in love with you.......when you love you do not hurt or destroy ........he lied while at counseling........do you really think you can trust him.......why even communicate with hum.......you already know who and what he is......what more do you need......how much more abuse are you willing to put up with.......is this the way you want to live the rest of your life.....you know he will do it again.....JUST TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.....HAVE YOU SEEN A DOCTOR TO GET TESTED.......DO NOT LET HIM GIVE YOU A DEADLY DISEASE....THAT IS WHAT YOU NEED TO THINK ABOUT....HE CAN END YOUR LIFE .......HIS CHEATING CAN KILL YOU.......WHY WOULD YOU WANT HIM NEAR YOU

Posts: 153 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: orlando, fl
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 6:22 PM, April 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's called hoovering.

When they discover their source of ego kibbles really might be gone for good, they panic.

If he was serious, he'd tell you he had gone NC with her, written a formal NC letter, made himself an apt with a new IC, and completed the list of demands you gave him when you began to try to reconcile.

The fact that he wants you to help him clean up the mess he made? Is all you need to know that he isn't close to being a R candidate yet.

[This message edited by Rebreather at 6:23 PM, April 7th (Monday)]


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6428 | Registered: Jan 2011
SI Staff
Moderator
Member # 10
Red  Posted: 6:44 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lastdance,

You have been spoken to privately regarding these types of responses. Apparently we need to do it publicly as well.

For one, this is the reconciliation forum, and you are not reconciling. Secondly, nobody needs to be lectured in such fashion when looking for help.

You are projecting and it needs to stop.


Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
twitching
♀ Member
Member # 42399
Default  Posted: 10:20 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((((((Lovehonorcherish))))))))))

Trust your gut. That is all you can do.


"My heart was broken and my head was just barely inhabitable. " - Anne Lamont

Posts: 128 | Registered: Feb 2014
Topic Posts: 12

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