fWH did surprise me with flowers in the car before the kids and I left town. But that was it. And MIL called to wish me a happy anniversary which to be honest pissed me off...
H says that he's already learned so much, he realizes that he will make new vows.
I say, "well, you made them easily before, what would be the difference if you made them again?"
He has not answer.
I haven't worn a wedding ring since two weeks after the first, completely whitewashed disclosure.
But, really, it's not disclosure if I had to dig to get the info...
"Because I'm a different person!" HA!
[This message edited by PollyA at 11:03 PM, May 23rd (Friday)]
Sometimes I have been totally fine, others were like slogging through hell. So may variables, you'd have to be Rain Man to predict how it would go. Past few have not been bad, and now I always plan a trip (W never plans it). Then again, she seldom plans any trip for us.
I do wonder what is going through her head. I don't want to bring it up to cause either of us pain, but who am I kidding. No way either of us is NOT thinking about it. We are just afraid of "ruining" the moment. Its not pretending though, its a decision to not let the past F up the present. I know that doesn't make much sense. It feels conflicted.
Reconciled; Sometimes still have hard days, but getting by. Still dealing with feelings I buried,but finally getting them out.
And my wedding band...it's back in it's box. I think I'm gonna sell it. I can't even think of putting it back on again.
To this day, it still boggles my mind.
I bounce on this anniversary thing alot.
Hopefully, time will soften the rough edges on this for me. Really, I owe this day nothing yet I mourn the loss still. Why she should she take away the first 28 years?
My WS is wracked with guilt and doesn't know how to be compassionate
That's kinda what happening with me says he is afraid what ever he does is wrong but doing nothing hurts too.
In 2012, we had a low key celebration of 45 years of M. We were with our son (also DIL and GS) on the day for the first time since 1989, so we had to appear to celebrate, but it wasn't great.
In 2014, I expect we'll really celebrate being together for 49 years & M for 47.
If your WS is really remorseful and you do the work necessary for R, I believe you will celebrate being together again - but it takes a lot of work (especially for the WS), and that amount of work takes a lot of time.
[This message edited by sisoon at 9:40 AM, June 2nd (Monday)]
This year was a biggie, 35 years. We took our daughter and her boyfriend on a cruise with us. It was a good distraction for me. That morning we exchanged cards, I cried a little and went on to make the best of the day.
We've discussed this in MC. I know that FWH is scared shitless of doing something wrong. Still, I don't want to be the one who "plans" anything related to it. It's extremely difficult for me to "celebrate" any anniversary without subtracting the seven years FWH cheated.